i watched her dying..

* im so sorry for the late posting

It was a lovely night with the flaming full moon in the sky. Stars were twinkling and the chilling breeze makes everyone so relax and calm.

But it lasted only for a while. Me, Saravani, Visha and Ponney came back from a wedding dinner at about 11.30pm. we stopped at Visha’s house because they want to change their clothes. And the story began. They told me that Visha’s dog, Dino just bitten a kitten. I was so fucking shocked. I rushed out from the car to look for the kitten. I found her. she was in the drain.

MENGERANG KESAKITAN.

What the hell the dog has done to the cat?? It’s just a small little kitten. The dog is so huge, fierce, kurang ajar and uncontrollable. The cat actually went into the house compound and the dog bit her from the legs till the abdomen. You can see blood and flesh of the cat. It was a heart wrenching scene. I call her Meow.

Silently I made a wish. I asked from Gods to make Meow not so painful, to lessen the burden she bears, and to put Meow with the holy people and animals. Oh.. The Gods are Buddha, Kuan Im, God of Heaven, Nine Emperor God, Ganesha and Murugan.

Saravani and I were so sad. im so shocked to look at the cat’s injury. She was just waiting to die. I fondled her softly. She didn’t attack me although she kept snorting. I know she was in pain. Everytime she snorts, I feel a deep cut in my heart. I quietly talked to her. I asked her not to be scared. I make cat’s sound. I know how la.. I just want her to feel secure and comfortable. I wanted to send her to veterinary but it was already so late. I can wait for tomorrow but the cat didn’t has much time. Time is so crucial now.

I tak tahan tengok Meow sengsara.

Knowing the fact that she’s dying, I made a very serious and heavy decision. I dig a hole. I wanted to put Meow there. she was dying. I don’t want her to die in the drain. Then I moved her from the drain to the hole. I grab the skin at her neck. Initially, she fought back because of the injury. she tried to attack me. she fell into another drain. Aih..

I felt like kicking and punching the dog. Grrhhh! Meow is so cute so adorable. She doesn’t deserved to die at this young age! I fondled and talked to her again. I tried my very best to calm her down. Visha gave her a chicken’s head. That’s the only thing Visha has in her house. Meow didn’t even smell it because chicken is not her food! Plus, she’s in pain. what she felt is only pain, not hunger.

Visha has to released her crazee dog. We have to take away the cat. If not, the hungry dinosaur is gona make Meow his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Visha brought a box. I say some prayer. Then I moved Meow into the box. I quietly wiped my tears away.

All of them are scared of Meow. Saravani was sad. Ponney and Visha were not so sad.. They can still sm*le.

After I placed Meow in the box, Visha took it away. Try to imagine.. a scene from a movie where a girl tries to throw her baby away. That’s the feeling of that time. Visha doesn’t want her house to be smelly. I didn’t want to do it because it’s still alive. Because it’s a living. I cannot be like how other people always do, throw them into the dustbin or put them under the tree. Cats or dogs are not rubbish! They deserved some dignity! She and Ponney took the box for at least 200metres away from her house. They put it by the roadside, at the bush. I followed them and I stayed there. I told them to pick me up when they are going back later.

I duno what else to do. I guess it’s time to say goodbye to the cat. I snap some pics. I had the last conversation with Meow. I say a little prayer again. I apologized to Meow and God for not able to save her. I did my best.

That time was 12 something in the morning. Suddenly two uniformed policemen on patrol stopped by. I didn’t feel scared because im not throwing away a baby and im so used to be ‘approach’ by them. The first question they asked ‘anak kucing ka?’ Fuh.. I was relieved. Haha luckily they didn’t thought that it was a baby. I told them what happened to Meow. One of them had a look at Meow and sighed. Then they just blahh! I teased Visha. I said don’t worry the policemen wont charge her.

Saravani and friends came to pick me up. I asked them to say goodbye. Then we went for the tarik. I didn’t order anything. My heart was so pain. no appetite. i lose all my moods. Saravani cried. On the way home, Saravani said to me that she hopes Meow will die faster because she doesn’t want her to suffer longer.

I asked my friend, Navin is there any veterinary here in Kampar. He said yes but it’s closed tomorrow which is today because today is public holiday. =( that clinic is the only one in Kampar. No hope for you Meow.

The dark clouds then started to cover the moon. I believed the God is sad too. I know He is watching.

And I woke up at 10smtg this morning. I totally forgot about the cat until Saravani asked me abt it. Suddenly it hit me. I rushed back to the scene. In my head, I knew the cat is going to die. I just hoped that the box is there so that I can bury her. around 11.45am I reached that place.. what a relieved I saw the box from far. I walked towards the box with my fast beating heart. Dup dap dup dap! And as I expected, she’s dead. I knew it but I couldn’t accept the fact. I was in denial. I looked at her.. I called her name. she was not moving. I didn’t see any pulse movement. No breathing. No response.

SHE’S DEAD!

Aku nampak sebuah mayat terbujur depan mata. Terlantang tak berkata-kata. Sakit yang tak terperi. Meninggalkan Bumi ini dengan mata yang terbuka luas. Di bawah sinaran terik matahari yang membakar bagaikan api.

I was so sad.. really sad. I looked at her for quite sometime. I duno what to do. What to say. My tongue was numb. Then I gathered back my little courage and I say a little prayer for her. she was in deep pain. She died not because of old age but because of severe pain. she didn’t get proper treatment or medication to reduce her burden. She died without family members with her. she died without leaving any message behind.

I brought her home. I wanted to bury her but I didn’t bring tombstone, I didn’t bring hoe/mattock. I put her outside of my house. Then I went to look for the hoe from the construction site in front of my house. The worker was so nice. He borrowed me one. Then I went to Saravani’s house. She agreed to let me bury Meow there. I brought along my Chanting book and red marker pen so that I can write some words on her tombstone.

I went to saravani’s house at 1.30pm. it was a very hot shiny day. Saravani became my assistant. I mean photographer and a person who shares the same feeling with me. We were looking for a suitable plot to bury her. I found one-deep inside at the side of her house-it’s an empty ground actually.

So I korek lubang. I used the hoe/mattock. Not buttock. I dig n dig n dig. Fuh! Penat gila! I was sweating like hell. The sun wasn’t sympathizing me. my skin was burning! the ground was so hard, full of rocks. My left palm got blister. I hit my knee with the hoe / mattock. I banged my head on the wall when i was trying to take cover in the shade.

Saravani kept asking me to dig deeper, if not the cat will produce bad smell. At that time, Meow is already smelly. I can see sadness in Saravani’s eyes. Finally I managed to dig a hole of 30cm deep. It’s quite deep for a kitten I guess.

Then I went to my bike to get my Chanting book in the bonnet. I left my key on my bike and it disappeared. I went to ask Saravani’s friends. I knew they took it. But they didn’t want to admit and return it to me. I beg them but they just denied that they took my key. Then Saravani asked from them. Then only they returned it to me. grrhhh!

I put Meow in the hole. She was badly injured. Severely hurt. I say a prayer for her. I recited some verses from the Chanting book namely:

1) Saranagamanapatha (passages on going for refuge)
2) Pancasila (the five precepts)
3) Buddhamangalagatha (verses of blessings of the Buddha)
4) Tiratananusaranapatha (passages on the recollection of the three treasures)
5) Sumangalagatha (verses of excellent blessings)
6) Abhayaparittam (the fearlessness protection)
7) Uddisanadhitthanagatha (verses on aspiration for transference of merits)

Then I poured a bowl of milk around her. I duno why. Saravani asked me to do so. The last process-to bury her. I bury her with a heavy heart. Each scoop of sand makes me weaker. I’m sending her off. I’ve laid her to rest forever..

I wrote something on a board and I put it on her cemetery as a tombstone. It’s for remembrance.

What a day. I just handled a corpse. I became the policemen, the CSI, the coroner, the undertaker, the priest and the family member of MEOW. You’ll always be remembered Meow.

I always like cats more then dogs. I love cats. When I was small, I stayed with my grandma in a kampung. There were only 3 Chinese families, the rest were Malays. The Malays love cats. Whenever the kittens are lost, my Grandma and Grandpa will bring them to a Tok Kucing from the Malay kampung. I never dare to touch them until i met my sayang. She rear cats too since she was small. She’s the one who gave me courage to touch cats and play with them. We love cats. we saved a cat before from a tree. =p

Cats are cute
Cats are adorable
Cats are small in size
Cats love to ‘meow meow meow’
Cats don’t melalak around
Cats are not that smelly
Cats are loving
Cats have nice and soft fur
Cats are not aggresive

Now I hate dogs more then I used to. Why?

1) Dogs are fierce
2) Most of them are kurang ajar
3) They always make small kids cry
4) Dogs are smelly
5) Dogs look disgusting when they shit or pee
6) Dogs FUCK everywhere in public
7) Dogs are dirty
8) Dogs love to bite
9) Dogs saliva are everywhere

I’m not gona kill that black crazee dog! No it's a DINO-SAUR! A life can’t be replace by a life. Killing is not gona solve anything. Life must goes on. If it is human who bit Meow, I’ll definitely curse that person to death. Now I feel how it’s like when you lost your pet. I don’t have a pet but I feel I owned Meow..for a few minutes.

It’s time for our government to come up with a law to protect pets, not only reptiles or endangered species. Apa binatang peliharaan bukan binatang ka? Im so sad that the government is still ignorant of all this. Pets are not protected under the law like USA. It’s ok if you bang a dog or cat in Malaysia. Its’s ok.

Do you still remember cases of stray dogs being throw at Pulau Ketam and foreigners have to come for their rescue?. Do you remember cases of dogs bite people? The owner should be punished for the misbehave of their pets. The owner must be responsible! If you cant’s commit and tcare of them, don’t rear them. Give them away to friends or relatives or zoo or SPCA!

If there is this law, and im the judge, i'll say:

"AKAN AKU SABITKAN ENGKAU, DINO, ANJING HITAM YANG HITAM YANG SUKA MELALAK, SEBAGAI PEMBUNUH KELAS PERTAMA, MEMBUNUH DENGAN NIAT, MENDATANGKAN CEDERA PARAH, DAN MEMBAWA KEMATIAN. AKAN KU HERET KAU KE MAHKAMAH DENGAN HUKUMAN SEBAT 6 KALI, PENJARA MANDATORI, CABUT GIGI-GIGI BERKULAT KAU DAN KASI KAU SUPAYA KAU TAK MEROGOL ORANG DI DALAM PENJARA!"

JANGAN DUK SUSAHKAN ORANG LAIN!

Somehow I feel a bit angry at Saravani’s friend. Just a bit hati terguris la.. What if it’s the dog who got bitten by the cat. Would they do the same thing like how they did do Meow? I’m saddened by their attitude. Im sorry I have to say this. They took my bike key and hid it when I needed it the most. They just happily laughing and joking away when me and Saravani were burying Meow. They didn’t even come out from the house to see or to ask how are we doing. It’s her dog who caused the death of Meow! Don’t they have feeling towards animals? Or is it because cat is not their favourite pet? I don’t have the answer.

I KNOW SOME OF U WILL FEEL THAT IM STUPID, IM NAÏVE, IM CRAZY. IT’S JUST A CAT! WHAT TO BE SO SAD ABOUT IT??!

I would say to your face. U R DAMN FUCKING WRONG. It maybe just a cat. But it’s also a living. The cat has a family. The cat has 9more lives. The cat can still live longer. The cat didn’t steal, didn’t rob, didn’t take ‘duit kopi’, didn’t rape girls, didn’t take drugs, didn’t simply melalak or gigit orang, and didn’t do anything bad to you.

All these things will only be done by the so-called Human. We don’t need manusia bertopengkan binatang di dunia ini tapi binatang sejati yang dikasihi! Im sad and angry with the death of Meow. I don’t care you people out there like or don’t like cats or dogs. Treat every beings as you would like to be treated.

This is life. In real life this is wat happened. Yang kuat akan buli yang lemah. Yang ganas akan mamah yang lembut. Yang kaya akan pandang hina pada yang miskin.

'No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick...” - says Nadiah Fadwa Fikri.

I have been saving a lot of cats. I mean dead cats on the road. This is the 1st time I saw an almost dying cat and I can’t do anything to save it. I can only watch her died helplessly. How nice if all of us can live happily with each other, respect each other, no killing no war. It's just an idealistic dream that will never materialize.

Now you see why I put a cat picture as the header of my blog?

Fikir-fikirkanlah malapetaka ini..

Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!