i, am not ok..

UTAR Ball has taken a toll on my life.

The event is over but the mess is not over yet. I just hope as a team, everyone will bear the responsibilities together. This is our event and not my event. Don’t just quit or pin-point when we are in troubles.

A lecturer just told me that he will deduct my marks. Ok.. Yea because I didn’t do well in my coursework. I deserved that. Even if I give him what he needs now, no use already.

Oh besides that, I didn’t submit an assignment which due last week. Haha. What the fark am I doing right. It’s all my mistake. Not that I didn’t do but I can’t finish it. I slept at 4.30amon Thursday. Woke up so early on Friday and work on the ball whole day. Saturday is about UTAR Ball again.

Im living in the world of worries and insecurity every single day...

I screwed up my assignments. My studies drop like shit. I’m totally not happy with my life now.

Whenever my friends see me, they’ll ask am I ok, why am I looking down, tired and stress. They see it themselves that I am not ok.

I am really not ok.

Since beginning of March, everything seems so disorganized. Everything seems not ok.

Whenever I try to settle something, there will be sure some other things popped up to be settled. At the end, many things are unsettled.

You know.. I am tired n down. I skipped a lot of classes this semester.

I am worried. I am so so worried.

I’ve totally no mood to talk to anyone. I get angry so easily. I lost my patience when I talk to people, even people who I’m close with.

What can I do now? What should I do now? What choice do I have?

The final exam is the only way I can save myself. The only way. Please, don’t bother me with event’s problems anymore, I had enough. Just give me a break please. Let me alone. At least for these 2 weeks until I’ve done with my final exam.

PRIORITY!

Now, my internship is still in limbo. The company hasn’t reply to my lecturer. I told him that I don’t wana intern in UTAR.

He was so happy when he knew that we can intern in UTAR. What the fark man, who wants to intern in his/her university? I DON’T WANT!! Now is week 14 and no answer from the company yet. Then what should the students do? We live in fear every day, afraid that we can’t go out to do internship, afraid that we must stay in UTAR to do our internship. Can the lecturer please help us out? Please..

He’s like cincai cincai all the time. sorry la but this is how I’m feeling.

Arrrghhhhh!

Seriously don’t ask me to do anything else. I am fed up. Suddenly here not enough money, there not enough money. Must attend this meeting and that meeting. Suddenly money hilang. Suddenly have to settle some stuff and rush to university. Oh ya not to forget ongoing, continuously INCOMING CALLS, SMS, and FB NOTIFICATIONS! Halo what kind of life is this??

YES I AM COMPLAINING! GO AWAY IF YOU DON’T WANA LISTEN.

I am now giving away giving up everything in my hand for studies. Ok?

DON’T ask me for photos unless it’s necessary. Politics? Get off!

I’ll read less news, care less, totally less Facebook-ing, take less photos, sleep less, still going to eat more and STUDY!

I don’t know what’s gona happen if I flunk my final exam. NO! that’s NOT gona happen!

I am so in a mess right now. Don’t believe me? Look at the photo or you are welcome to my room. I’m not hiding anything and telling people how good I am because I am so not in a good position right now…

I.. Am not OK..

ohm...

money matters

If you ask me do I trust someone when it comes to financial.

My answer would be no.

Why no?

Why not yes?

Why must yes?

Human nature: there’s greed in everyone. When you have the chance to keep something for yourself for free, you’ll do it.

In organizing an event, sure there will be a lot of expenses. But impossible you wana claim everything right? There are things that we have to spend by ourselves to make the event a success. If every single thing also claim, then pokai la.

And when it comes to claiming, there are sure people will give fake receipts. Eh eh I wana ask, you don’t afraid that people might find out meh? You don’t afraid of your religion meh? You tak takut dosa ka? Nanti tidur tak lena, makan tak lalu, mandi tak basah and berak taik tak keluar!

When so many people have to chance to hold on to the money, fraud will happen.

When there are so much procedures and steps or bureaucracies in getting the money or passing the money, fraud also happen.

This is why we have corrupted people. Duit dah melekat kat bola mata.

I also don’t have faith in myself. But of course I control myself. I still have high discipline, conscience, ethics, moral and fear for my religion.

You take people’s money today, tomorrow you’ll lost even more.

Never do bad to others la.

Money is important.

Money can be everything.

But conscience is always above money.