lost and found

again.. im still awake at this time.

i did a lot of thinking and self reflection tonight.. a lot. flashed back a lot of stuffs especially the time with her. i read back what i wrote in my blog, my diary, my notes etc. i browsed through pics in my laptop. i recalled what i did, what i said.

finally i realised i made a lot of mistakes. i realised how bad i am. everything i did hit me back.

for the first time since 120806 i got freak out. i was so scared. i felt so cold. blood was pumping so fast. im gasping for air.

i've committed a lot of sins.

hard to swallow but that's the facts. im wrong.

i have a mixed feelings right now.

shocked. disappointed. sad. down. waken up. acceptance. glad. hapi. forget it. move on. reborn.

i feel empty as well.

i have so many things to say but it's glued under my throat. it just couldn't come out.

i've been so childish, immature, and playful.

arrrghh! hate myself for that. seriously. i expressed too much. sometimes im too emotional. yea im sensitive. over-react? not to forget im always late. i procastinate. im impulsive and so on.

i hold on to something too long. i should learn to let go. then move forward.

i reveal too much of my weaknesses. =p

i'm giving myself a chance to turn things around. i dun wana be a bad guy.. Chin Eng wants to be good and successful.

yes from this moment, oh chin eng wants to be OH CHIN ENG! i duno how. i really duno. i wish i wont repeat the same mistakes again. i wish i can think maturely. i wish i can carry myself better. i wish i can be a better person.

i want to be a good son.
i want to be a good brother.
i want to be a good grandson.
i want to be a good friend.
i want to be a good boyfriend.
i want to be a good student.
i want to be a good leader.
i want to be a good person.

well.. just hope and see.. changes need time.

i've been thinking why im always fail and stuck in my life. i think i have the answer tonight. i think so... it's my attitude.



ATTITUDE!

i used to be so aggresive and passionate in what i do. i used to aim high, far-sighted and be the best out of the best that i could.

let's take some action now rather than keep thinking what to do. im so determined and passionate right now. please keep on burning, Fire.

suddenly what Mister Andrew said came into my mind. our main priority now is our studies and be a good son. LOVE?? talk about that only after you secure a stable job la!

people wont really angry at you if you make mistake. people will only angry at you if you keep on repeating the same mistake and never learn from it!

im sorry again.. it's good if you get to read this. i have move on but that doesnt mean i must forget everything that has came into my life. i've learned from this fail relationship.

i got lost. now i found myself.

thank you.