Journey to TARA 4 Ends Here

My journey to compete in The Amazing Race Asia Season 4 ends here tonight.

i just received a very bad news from my teamate. And that makes my group can't even go for the audition.

i booked the ticket back to Penang already tomorrow at 11am.

im going back again to Penang this week to shoot video for TARA 4 and to attend the audition this Sunday.

but now for sure it's not gona happen.

So should i still go back tomorrow?

I think i will because i haven't visit my mum after she got into accident last week. And i think i need a break in the place where i belong. I want to meet up with my Penang friends. i want to watch a musical theatre with my sister.

This week is super sucky n yucky!

WHY!!!

tell me WHY!!

at first it's about my plan to 'I' on 31st March. And now its TARA 4.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, SO MANY THINGS STOP ME FROM PURSUING MY DREAMs THAT HAS BEEN PLANNED ALL THIS WHILE!

and all of the plans, the two plans got to do with international level!!

I have been looking forward for it since last year!

it's more than missing a chance.

What should i feel?

seriously i duno.

im confused.

i just feel like crying. i wana cry out loud. i wana cry non-stop la!! i wana floodkan the whole Kampar.

i just wana cry because its so hurtful la!! im not angry ok..

i neeed a hug. anyone? i don't want a shoulder or a lap.

it's ok la because u guys just won't understand how i feel. u guys are not Oh Chin Eng anyway.
it's so disappointing!

after all the plans, determinations, semangat and will, we can't even join.

i am not ok.. i got to go again.

just few minutes ago i was like quite ok, going to study for my midterm tomorrow at 9am but suddenly i received this heart-breaking news.

this is CRAZY man!! i know i must put this aside n study for my midterm tomorrow.

im not strong in handling emotional problems.

i want to go.. far far! out of Malaysia.

i need time to be away from everyone that i know..