Happy Birthday Ammi

im awake. i didn't really sleep. my body is tired but my mind is keep thinking..of many things. one thing about me is my mind is active when im trying to sleep. all kind of thoughts n memories will flash back in one shot. then i'll try to key in as many as possible in my handphone then transfer it to my laptop the next morning.

right now, it's raining so heavily since just now. my stomach is rumbling so hard. i was going to sleep again but then if i sleep, i won't wake up till the next morning.i'll wait until 9pm for the rain to stop. if it doesnt, sleep again. im super tired.

i have something important to do before i sleep.

i wana wish my mum Happy Birthday. today is her birthday, 10th Nov. she's 45 now. old d huh?

sorry i have to wish you here. i don't have the guts to call you. i tried but.. it's hard. all this while we never do that. it's just not our family's culture to say 'i love you' or 'happy birthday'. how i wish you or sister will come across my blog and read this post. i wanted to ask sis to wish you but i forgot to do so when she online just now.

im a bad son i know. i alwayz make u angry. hehe.. i seldom clean the house n i keep junks! i turn my rooms n another room into STOREROOM. =p i realised that i put my family at the second place in my heart. as in i'll do my other stuffs, think of other stuffs then only family.

you know.. i already planned to go back and celebrate it with you. really. i want to make your 45th birthday special when im 21. all this while me, bro n sis or dad never celebrate your birthday. i feel so bad you know. my friends will celebrate it with their mum or at least call to wish them but i don't. i never do that.

finally i feel i have grown up. i feel like i wana do something for you. tangible one. i wana show it instead of just praying for you n dad. i feel like i got the call from the God to repay you, to be nice to you and be a good son. i'm already 21-legal age. first time you celebrate my birthday, not to count the birthday parties when i was a little kid la.

anyway, in the end, im still here in Kampar. many things came up. i was so undecided whether to go back or to go down to Melaka. i have test on Thursday morning. i have a Journalism Gathering on Wednesday. i was so sick last Saturday. i wanted to clean my room n learn French. and i slept whole day last Sunday after not being able to make up my mind.

my sayang taught me a lot. seriously. she n her mum are very close, like sisters. they always go for shopping together. =p im impressed with the bond between them. they are so like friends. talk to each other without fear, shy or doubts. jokes around. she celebrates her mum n dad's birthday. she always call her mum n update her. the thing i like the most is, she'll say 'assalamualaikum' when she starts the conversation. =p

ammi, i want you to know that i love you. i know u never hear it from me, but i do love u. i need more time n more courage to say it. i'll be good k? i think i am. =p and im safe here, dun wori.

i'll always pray that you'll be healthy always, you'll be safe wherever you are, you'll have long live.

friends out there, please don't be like me la.. cherish the one you love especially your parents n siblings. think anout this: how many years do you have to sing birthday song to your mum? HUH?!! people get old and human dies.

grrrhh! don't care. i wana go back this week n i wana belanja her MAKAN! yes makan is my favourite activity.

Happy Birthday Ammi.