12.08.06

Today is 12.08.11? I remember exactly what happened 5 years ago on 12.08.06. I din plan, it just suddenly came into my mind. The time was 7.35am.

Well, whatever we do, we might not have a happy ending but at least we must try to make sure the entire process is worthwhile and we cherish every single moment together. =)

Anyway everyone has moved on. I've moved on more than a year ago.. No more holding on. I let go long time ago..

Black history let it remained as a nightmare. But the sweet memories, let's keep it in our heart. It doesn't mean that we live in the past but we just cherish the beautiful moments.

We continue our journey.. Not with the same person. Maybe alone. Or with someone else. =p

bye bye photos

Di saat getir keganasan hujan yang melimpah tak henti-henti membanjiri bumi disertai dengan guruh dan petir yang mengganas mengamuk bagaikan dirasuk syaitan jembalang iblis hantu pontianak toyol..

I’ve happily but nostalgically deleted some old personal photos from FB.

No more sentitive photos.

I've move forward, so might as well delete some memories of the past.. from the internet la, not memories.

jom makan!

Bila Aku Sudah Tiada - Hujan

I actually posted this song before last year on 18th August 2009 at http://oh-chineng.blogspot.com/2009/08/bila-aku-sudah-tiada-hujan.html.

WOah it's already more than a year. That time, i was stuck to it because i was recovering from emoness after breaking up with my ex.

But now, don't know. The song just came into my mind, playing non-stop.

Have you ever thought what will happen to the people around you, your family, friends, colleagues, supporters, acquaintances, and the people you love when you are gone??

no?

then tey to think about it.

if it's a bad conclusion, then try to change it now. you still have time my friends.

time never wait for men but we can wait for time to pass. 

Where is Faizah??

At about 7.20pm today, my sister asked me something. This is our conversation.

Sister: “Why recently I always think of her?”

Me: “Who??”

Sister: “Faizah lo.”

Sister: “It’s about 5 years already I didn’t see her.”

Sister: “Do you know where is she now?”

Me: “I don’t know la.”

Sister: “I heard people say she’s in Sabah or Sarawak.”

Me: "Nola.."

Sister:  “You like have things hiding from me.”

Then I just kept quiet. I didn’t say much. I just hope she won’t ask again and slowly forget about her although my heart is telling me not to do so.

I want my sister to remember her. My sister loves her. My sister had a lot of good memories with her. My sister learnt from her.

I was shocked when she said all that. All this while, I was thinking why my sister didn’t mention her after so long. I really thought she has forgotten her. i was wrong. my ex is still in her heart, miss her and thinking of her, like i do. Kids nowadays have good memories har..

I feel bad I lied to her, I hid from her. I have been doing that since last year and she didn't know that we are not together anymore. I can tell for sure that they will never meet or talk to each other again.

it's not the time yet to tell my sister we are no more together. she'll ask more questions. she'll be sad. And i don't want her to have any bad impression on us.

Kalau tepuk sebelah tangan je takkan bunyi.

One day, she will understand why..

photography is like dating

To take good photograph is like dating a beautiful lady.

You have to have the heart and passion, sincerity, patience, be ready all the time, willingness to learn from mistakes and to improve ourself, to appreciate every moment and always looking forward for good shots in life.

Either photography or dating, it gives me maximum satisfaction. Do your best in whatever you do, then we'll be able to live without regrets.

i promise you..

I am happy and proud of you. and i'll always pray for your success and be there if you ever need me again.. as always.. Mark my words. It's my promise.


*komed dean list

Melawan Kesepian - Siti Nurhaliza

just saw this music video at Astro. touched by it. then i recall that this song is also the theme song of Wadi Unung, a drama from Astro last year if im not mistaken. it's a nice song with a touching lyrics. i was stunned listening to it. the melody is so captivating. it reminds me of her, someone i used to called sayang.. it's not wornf when you thought of your past right? it's part of us, isn't?

Siti, 2 thumbs up to you as always. I’ve been listening to your songs since my young age. You are our Malaysian pride. I am not a Malay but I listen to your songs. So do other many non-Malays. We are proud of you. I wish you all the best in your career n life.

Melawan Kesepian

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
Air mata tertahan
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan

Nanti kita kan tahu
Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apapun ini
Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apapun
Semoga mampu kulawan
Kesepianku

Nanti kita kan tahu
Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apapun ini
Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apapun
Semoga mampu kulawan
Kesepianku

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apapun
Semoga mampu kulawan
Kesepianku

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan
Semoga mampu kulawan
Kesepianku

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti

Kekasih Gelapku - Ungu

Finally i know the name of this all-time favorite song. No doubt this is one of the best Indonesian love songs. One of the reasons you like a song because it represents you, it brings out the feelings and your soul. I like this song so much as the lyrics are like my history.. It's nostalgic and meaningful, touches the heart and awaken the soul.

Kekasih Gelapku

Ku mencintai mu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintai mu, sedalam-dalam hati ku
Meskipun engkau hanya, kekasih gelap ku

Ku tahu ku takkan selalu ada untuk mu
Di saat engkau merindukan diri ku
Ku tahu ku takkan bisa memberikan mu
Waktu yang panjang dalam hidup ku

Yakinlah bahwa engkau adalah cinta ku
Yang ku cari selama ini, dalam hidup ku
Dan hanya pada mu ku berikan sisa cinta ku
Yang panjang dalam hidup ku
Hidup ku…

Ku mencintai mu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintai mu, sedalam-dalam hati ku
Meskipun engkau hanya, kekasih gelap ku

Ku mencintai mu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintai mu, sedalam-dalam hati ku
Meskipun engkau hanya, kekasih gelap ku

Ku mencintai mu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintai mu, sedalam-dalam hati ku
Meskipun engkau hanya, kekasih gelap ku

Kekasih gelap ku

preserved mangosteen

There is something funny i would like to share.

Suddenly, out of no where, i thought of it.

3 years ago, someone important, ok you can call it as special, gave me a mangosteen aka manggis.

I tak sampai hati eat it because it's from her.

I still keep it and i'm keeping it until today.

It has now become an artifact.

It's now a piece of history that i can preserved.

It is still in good shape though.

hahahahah!

Yea maybe i'm weird.

There are few times where good friends gaive me something consumable. Again i tak sampai hati, i want to keep it as a gift. At the end, the food spoiled. When it stinks, i have to throw it away.

It's not that don't appreciate what people give me. The fact is, for me, their gifts are so valuable that i appreciate it so much and i don't have the heart to eat it.

You see, i enjoy food to the max. I hunt for food. I live for food. I have big appetite. I am indeed a big eater. But the thing is the food is no more there after you consume it. 

The value of the gift is not on the gift itself but who is the person who give it to you.

I'm a guy who's sensitive, sentimental, collective and perhaps romantic.

I love history and old stuffs.

I am not that boring la huh?? =p

i've moved on

i've moved on.

it has been quite some time.

i admit i can't let go totally yet but at least it's not fully occupying my life and my soul.

im still moving on.

and i'll move on.

i'm happy and enjoying my life right now.

don't stop too long.

there are more things to explore in life.

take your time and enjoy your life.

woohooooo!!

terasa rindu

tidak pernah aku meminta

tetapi perasaan datang menergah 

hiba di jiwa tiada siapa yang tahu

rasa rindu yang teramat sangat

pahit menusuk kalbu

benci malam yang diam membisu

sepi pilu di hati tidak terubat

perit di kala Raya menjelang

tatkala terkenang si dia yang dah pergi

hanya air mata menjadi teman

biar berpijak di realiti dan bukan fantasi

aku 

masih aku

aku

merindui mu..

 

*aih.. entah apa benda aku duk merepek!

buka puasa and celoteh

SELAMAT BERBUKA PUASA!! WOOHOOO! jom makan. it's makan time. i know la i tak puasa today but xpe.. kita makan sama-sama ye.. Bazar Ramadan kat Kampar Old Town memang best! punya banyak i sapu. tengokla apa i sapu hari ni. =p

ada Laksa Sanggul, taufufah, otak-otak, nasi lemak, cucur udang, jus pegaga, dan entah kuih apa benda la. best! sedap! i kan suka makan, kuat makan, hidup untuk makan. satu hari tak makan ok.. bukan apa, malas nak keluar. hehe.

hmm.. i makan sorang2. siapala kawan i yang puasa kat sini. yang puasa pun sikit tu je. semua pun balik kampung. sini area Cina.. Bazar Ramadan pulak jauh. so susahla students sini nak p sana.

i saw RM1 just now. no one dares to take it. so i took it. i was like thinking what should i do with it. kalau jumpa duit, rezeki la kan. but then i decided not to take it la cuz it's not mine. i remember i promised my ex before that i won't steal or talk anything that doesn't belong to me anymore. if not because of her also, i still pegang pada prinsip and maruah. kalau orang tak nampak pun, Tuhan nampak.

eh i took it but i donated it to to some guy at the Bazar Ramadan.best juga buat charity. hati rasa lapang. =p

u noe.. i puasa for a day only this time. yea you'll ask why must i puasa cuz im not even a Muslim. aih.. u won't understand la. it has to do with my previous relationship. anyway takde mood la nak puasa. u noe bila u sorang-sorang, buat apa pun xde makna kan. eh i tak emo. i cuma berkata benar. dulu i puasa cuz of her. now rasa janggal puasa alone. arrghh! memory masa lalu... she still lives in me la..

puasa this year is so dull. i don't feel Raya at all. no kick. no umpph! it's not like the previous Raya anymore. last time, i'll puasa, i'll go visit friends' house, i'll bermaaf-maafan with her but this year.. hmm.. i didn't even know that she's back. and now im in Kampar, not sure whether im going back to celebrate Raya or not.

it's funny you know when i see my friends' reactions everytime i told them that im going back to celebrate Raya. haha. they'll like huh?? why you wana go back? you Muslim meh? ayooo.. i ni Malaysian la. im not sure about you but i grown up in an environment where i accept, respect and understand other races and their cultures lo.. i celebrate all the major festivals in Malaysia.

waaaa walaueh u noe ah??? my roomate holiao oso lo.. girls always come to our house and see him one. yeala do discussion ma. but then hor most of his friends are girls. fuyoooo.. cayala! and all of them also PRETTY!! hahaha.he's quite good looking la.. =p

i went to the bank to get some money just now and i wana pengsan now! I am so broke now! serioous la. no lying. not joking. i terkejut sampai mata terbeliak bola jatuh pecah hancur looking at my account. aih.. how to travel? how to fix my laptop?

laptop is still sick. im now using my roomate's PC. tq Ah Liang. and thx to Tiffamy for fetching me from bus-stop when i reached Kampar. Thx to Rachael also for lending me ur laptop. muax muax.

im so kuai today. my bed is so neat now. i washed my bedsheet and mattress. i fold my clothes. i boiled water. i returned library books. i went to uni to snap pics. i arranged my notes. see how 'good' i am. hahaha.

oh ya! i miss her la.. how ah??

BUAT BODOH LA..

rants and thoughts

woah! im blogging. =p i didn't blog for almost a week. what to do, laptop is spoiled. I need to pay RM950 if i want to extend my warranty. walaueh.. damn expensive. Feel so awakward without laptop. cannot transfer or alter photos, cannot online, cannot write journal etc etc.

hmmmm... =(

anyway i have few things to say in this post lah.. hehe.

you think about the phrase below first.

something funny n weird abt human: we tend to scold, critisize, provoke, insult, condemn n offend ppl more than we praise, appreciate, compliment, thank or say something nice abt them. am i right?? kan kan?? memang betul!

By the way, i miss her.. I'm missing her so much. I tried not to because it's no appropriate aka tak manis but sorry i couldn't help it..

what do you do when you miss someone? is there a cure? YES! you go meet that person la. but what if you can't? then you can only think of that person and the memories you had together.. syiok sendiri lo..

It's so annoying and hard to move on or move forward when your past is bugging and hunting you down whether in a good or bad ways.

oh ya! lastly hor i have this sudden and strong urge to cycle from Kampar to Penang. seriousla.. eh ini bukan cakap kosong ok. I CAN!! eh eleh.. ingat i tak boleh ke?? blahh la! bukanny i tak pernah cycle jarak jauh. bukannya i tak pernah join marathon. podakh!

"MAI KHUA WA SAN SAN CIT KI KUT, WA HOLIAO LU KHUA BEH CHUT!"

okla tata.

oh no..

oh no.. oh no... no no no..

2things happened tonight. yea just two. 2 crazy and unexpected one.

1) crazy ooo! i accidentally sent a sms to my ex-gf. so shit la. how in the world i can sent it to her!! shit la. damn it lo.. I didn't talk to her like since March. hmmm...

2) my beloved crazy and funky Dean of my faculty sent me a message. Yes a Dean sent me a message. But that's not the point. He is so cool that he used FB to sent the msg. i was like. walaueh. my Dean so keng. ahahha. i don't mind actually cuz it's not official stuff u noe.. i prefer it that what than write letter etc cuz it'll make the staffs and students closer lo.

scary!

i duno how to response to them. hahaha..

deleting a piece of history

I was cleaning the stuffs in my laptop. A lot of old stuffs. Very old stuffs. Some are so memorable and meaningful, full of nostalgia. But it’s the past.

I found few sound clips that I made when I was with her. Wanted to send to her at that time but I didn’t. it’s just a history nia..

I don’t think this history worth to be preserved. No meaning. No meaning for her. no meaning for me.

So yea I create a history tonight. I delete something which used to meant a lot to me. if you know me, you know im the type of person who collect stuff, I wont throw away my things moreover this is so special for me. this is about me and her..

Hidup kena ke depan kan??

Benda-benda yang menyebabkan air mata bergelinangan biarkan sajalah mengalir pergi seperti air di sungai.

Sedang aku mengemaskini, terjumpa pula lagu ini. Mata pula bekaca. Air mata mula menitis. Tak sempat ku sambut, ia terjatuh ke Bumi.

memori kembali

tetiba nostalgia lama kembali menergah. tak berniat ku untuk mengenang tapi dia datang..

ini untuk ceritera kita yang telah sampai ke penghujungnya.. jika kau kembali lagi.. akan ku tunggu hingga uban jatuh ke bumi. pahit dan manis akan tersemat di hati. ku biarkan mu pergi, agar kau dapat cari bahagia yang akiki.. untuk mu, sayang yang pernah ku cintai..

doa ku sentiasa belayar bersama anda.. hingga suatu ketika nanti, ku tiada lagi di bumi..

good music that makes you wipe your tears..

dilemma of an ex-bf

i was and still talking to a good friend from Penang.

he's in dilemma whether to visit her sick ex-gf in the hospital.

simple situation isn't? i scold him. i ask him to go visit her. i persuade him. but he still stick to her decision not to go. he has his own reasons.

and he says..

"she dont need me anymore. she needs her bf, friends and family. not her ex. that's why faizah also dont want you. she surely dont want to c me also. so i better buat bodoh dont do anything. i'm a small peanut in everyone's life."

ouch! but im not offended or hurt la. it just HIT me right on my head. it's so true.

who are you now? what's your role? what's your significant in people's life?

what i can say to my friend is people around you care for you. i definitely care for you. don't be pessismistic. im sad to look at him like this.

i agree with him that we can't trust people 100%. when they don't have partner, they say they will be there to listen to talk bla bla bla. when they are in good terms with you, they say the same things too. but when they have partner already or when they argue with you, things totally changed. you become their enemy. you become unknown to them. you become a stranger. you become nobody to them.

does this sounds familiar to you?? this doesn't only happen to a relationship but also in a friendship.

Me n him are now are single. i call our geng as the Gay geng cuz everytime i go back to Penang, only few of us, the guys who are single. The rest? either studying out of Penang or have their own partners already.

the difference between two of us is he buang her ex-gf but still love her, at that time. but my case is i kena buang by my ex-gf but i still love her, at that time.

i think i would face the same situation like him too if one day my ex is sick. should i visit her or not. what will she feels? what will her bf thinks? what will her family perceives me?

the question now is will you talk, see or contact her since she got bf already? will you? let's just face the situation first then you let me know the answer. another question is, will she respond to you if she got a bf already??

haha.. i know i shouldn't think that much. you visit cuz you care. just visit that person la cuz who knows you might not see her again. just go visit lo cuz you still care, you are still a human, with feelings. don't think too much.

i always think of others all the time. yes all the time. i put others before me. that's me la.. couldn't help it.

some people always tell me to think for myself first before others. i duno, i just can't do that. too cruel i would say. seriously if i can make people happy, then it's my happiness too.

i pray that everyone i love is always good in health la cuz i can't bear the pain in my heart to see any of you not ok.

when you face this dilemma, just think la the pros and cons. don't make it so complicated, cuz everything is just very simple. if your intention is good, just do it and leave the rest to Him.

reminiscent

"I find it hard to let go the past.. Somehow life becomes so much quieter without your voice. It’s more than a year already when you went away. I teared but it’s not gona change anything. Sometimes, I feel your heart beats in me.. It was a beautiful love story.

i miss you.."

wet for pizza

i am back! lalalalala lalaa la la li la tam pom!

wa tak mau makan apom!

it has been so long since i really blog. my blog has been so dull for this whole week.

since today is Friday n i dun have class tomorrow n i dun have any meeting tonight, so let's BLOG!

Furthermore, Nixon said boring cuz so long i never update my blog already.
i was so busy ma. i am still very busy.

it is wow cuz this is just the second week but me n my friends are so busy already since week 1.

Pei Suang is busy with Buddhist Society, Amirah is busy with Asian Cultural Society, Tiffany is busy with church activites n im busy with E_ _ c _ _ _ n.
anyway i had Pizza with Vivien, Tiff, Mira n Rachel.

WE so semangat nak makan Pizza Hut.

went to teh shop with Tiff. suddenly hujan. we wrapped the food n our belongings with plastic beg and we ride under the rain.

haha syiok man. berbasah sebab kempunan makan Pizza Hut. Pizza Desperado.
haha we are teh crazy bongeek bunch of people!

oh ya first match of World Cup is tonight right? good la. go watch. but don't bet. don't corrupt the sports. let the true spirit of sports to alive.

im going to have assignment discussion later at 10pm and TIDUR!!

im so damn tired. i must get all the rest i needed. must reguvenate myself. if not, belum mau fight sudah KO.

kakakaka.

im ready to say bye to Penang

I have less than 12 hours from now. im going back to Kampar at 3pm tomorrow. I dun wana go back if it’s possible but I know I can’t. it’s ok im so mentally prepared and ready. Physically? No? I miss my sofa n tv. N I sprained my waist again. it’s so damn painful at the join between my hip and my right leg.

But it’s ok.

I had fun. This is one of the semester breaks I ever had. I’ve done what I wanted to do.

U noe.. im happy. im too happy. im still smiling right now. I met her. and I got her a birthday gift. Seeing her smile just swept away my stress and problems. Besides, I developed my grandpa’s birthday photos for him. I went to my grandma’s house although it’s raining. It never felt so good seeing my grandma’s smile. I had my second dinner there. and I got my money. After almost a year, I got my paid for a photoshoot. I took pictures for a group of students before.

Earlier in the day, i helped mum do cleaning. We laughed out loud. we helped each other. we sweat together. i enjoyed those moments.

Im satisfied. I thank God. I can go back to Kampar with no regrets.

But now before I sleep, i need to pack my stuffs. A LOT! And I need to clean up my messy room as well. Last breakfast tomorroe at Chowrasta Market. But some stuffs. Then, bye Penang