best hardest lesson in 3 years

Doing my Degree for 3 years and finishing it at the end of the year, I got the best lesson ever in my university’s life.

It’s through a very hard way.

It’s my fault. It’s my bad attitude. It’s what I deserved.

My legs are painful but it’s not as severe as the jab on my heart.

You know.. I was shivering, body temperature is so high and I so wana puke.

But it’s worth it i guess.. I will remember today.


I am tired of arguing.

So if you guys feel like procrastinating, you better don’t. =p


WAKE UP! LOOK AT YOURSELVES INTO THE MIRROR. SLAP SLAP SLAP!

GUYS, BE A MAN!

Some thoughts to ponder..

1.           If you fall, remember to stand up again. The world is not always dark.

2.           You don’t tell the whole word the bad things about your friends. Yes, your friends.

3.           If you make mistakes, admit it and don’t repeat it again.

4.           When you are in trouble, then you will know who your friends are and what it means to be a friend. The term is very subjective.

5.           It’s unforgivable if you keep on repeating the same mistakes.

6.           Teamwork is when everyone helps everyone and not getting a black sheep.

7.           You have to bear the consequences of the mistakes you made.

8.           Silence is not golden when there is crisis.

9.           Face the problem, never hide from it.

10.       Jobs delayed are jobs not done.

11.       The last thing you ever feel like doing in life is procrastination.

12.       It’s easier to blame others than to be responsible.

13.       True friends will not only say good things about you but the hurtful but truthful words too.

14.       It’s a human nature that when you make mistakes, they will tend to forget all the good things that you have done.

15.       It’s scary when a friend can say something bad behind you and a minute after that be so nice in front of you.

16.       Some people seem to be a good friend in front of people but they not always at the back.

17.       Nothing is sadder than someone that you trusted so much side others.

18.       In every dark clouds, there will be golden ray of lights at the end of the day.

19.       Hati budi manusia paling senang untuk dilihat apabila anda di dalam kesusahan.

20.       Seringkali gajah depan hidung tak nampak, semut seberang laut pula jelas kelihatan.

biggest mistake in my life

I just made the biggest mistake in my life.

Instead, I made it few months ago, in 2010.

If I ever persevere, stick to my principle, all these wouldn’t happen.

I never wanted UTAR Ball. NEVER! UTAR Ball, ball night, events, entertainment, girls, party are never in my mind. That’s not the reason why I joined SRC.

My biggest mistake was I accepted explanation and persuasion from Dr Teh and support and agreement from my own committee.

It was a mistake. It is a mistake.

It’s all my fault. I’m a weak leader.

This is the biggest defeat in my life.

Yes we managed to pull it through. We have to change the venue from Tambun Lost World to Kampar Club. Majority of the people who came were extremely happy. They were partying crazily, screaming, and enjoying themselves to the max. They were laughing all the way and it’s a good thing because that’s the point of continuing this event.

While they were enjoying themselves, I was standing there at one corner, looking at them while my mind at somewhere else, thinking, cracking my head on how to solve the financial problem.

I am totally not feeling happy. People are laughing happily but my tears are flowing, heart aches bitterly to the max.  

Fingers will soon be pointing to one direction, to me.

I just hope that miracles will happen.

I just hope that I won’t be alone.

Actually why am I so sad? Yea I already made a big mistake by allowing this event to takes place ever since from January 2011. But I’m even more sad when there’s trouble, everyone is running away. Many people are quitting. Many fingers are pointing to me and I’m talking about my own committee members!

Like Hong Leong said, the lesson is I must be firm. I must dare to make my decision as a chairman and all will have to follow my words.

Yea it’s ideally that way but in reality, that scenario can never happened in the team.

Throughout the whole event, I got to see more of the real faces of people. Some people have their wn agenda. Some people are taking advantage of the networks, financial, friends, girls, reputation etc.

And some, they really put their heart and mind into making this event a success. In this group of people, those who really worked as I observed, are the innocent ones.

I thought after tonight, I’ll be free but no. There are damages that have to be repaired. There are messes to be cleared. There are debts to be paid.

Despites all the obstacles and problems we faced, we made it happened. I must thank all the committee members, helpers, sponsors, performers, university, Sahara, Kampar Club, participants and friends. Thanks a lot.

Thanks to the 4 committee members and 6 helpers who stayed back till the end, till midnight to clean up. Thanks to the girl who said this to me, “May God bless you.”

Thank you. Yea I know the god has been blessing me and I don’t ask for anything more. Hope you guys will be blessed as well.

I am gona silent my phone and sleep till God knows what’s the time. I’m not gona pick up any calls or reply any sms-es.

I..made the biggest mistake in my life.

*It’s easy to avoid responsibility than to bear responsibility.

away..

This is gona be a very long long post..

Thoughts keep pouring in. yea it’s like the rain pouring non-stop. My body is tired but mind is still working.

I’ll be away..

Away..

I’ll be away.. away from communication with people. Away from talking to people. Away from making any comments and expressing myself. I’ll be away.

From now onwards, I I shall try my best not make any statements in Facebook anymore. I’ll just use my blog as FB, post my thoughts and opinions. Well, at least when I use my blog, not much people will notice it. I can even store what I said here. I have more freedom and I don’t have to be worried people will give crazy comments.

I am tired.. everyone is tired too.

I put away everything for this event. Like others, I sacrificed as much time, effort, money and energy as I could. Last year in December, I said to the ex-chairman and the team that this event must be done greatly and properly if not all our efforts all this while to clean the name of SRC will be destroyed. I said our name is at stake, our reputation is at stake and we couldn’t let that happen. This is a very risky event.

But now everything is macam taik. I screwed up my studies and assignments. I have no time for myself. My relationship with friends got affected. I lost a lot of opportunities in life. I have to give up many things because of this UTAR Ball.

I need some rest..

I am not running away. I just need time for myself. I’ll bear the responsibilities as the chairman because I am the chairman. When my team has problem, I should always support and back them up no matter what.

The whole event taught me a lot of things. I’ve seen a lot of things from my eyes, but most importantly from my heart..

I learnt to know more about human beings. I’ve learnt so much, much more in these 3 weeks than in my 20 years of life.

One of the lessons I learnt, don’t be last minute in decision making. If not, you die, die badly. what i mean here is, if you already make up your mind, don't change it last minute due to pressure or influence from people.

And don’t trust anyone so much. Most importantly, one must be firm in decision-making.

I also noticed that when there are troubles, people will escape. Hmmm.. Aren't we supposed to support each other?

well, i guess it's true what one of the HOD told me: it's human nature.

The event is definitely not the best perhaps the most sucks one but I guess I have one of the best experiences in my life.

Only the inside people know what actually going on throughout the whole event. As for the outsiders, they deserved the right to be angry. What I wish is that everyone tries to calm down and understand the whole situation instead of continuing scolding, blaming, condemning and insulting us. The fact is not gona change.

Things already happened. No point blaming anyone.

Reputation? Image? Good name? bla bla bla.. for me, it’s important but it’s not the most important thing after all. If you have good record, people know it. If you work hard you can have good reputation too. Reputation and be earned back if we work hard.

No matter what decision we make now, our reputation will be tarnished. This is an unchanged fact. Whatever you do now also people marah. You cancel, people marah. You postponed people also marah. You change venue people also marah. So marah la but the show will goes on! For sure, we can never continue in Tambun because of the 20k deficit.

No matter what, I’ll just ends off what I’ve started. Do or don’t do, the results are gona be the same. So why don’t give it one last shot, give it another chance and do or best? It’s better to try to do and die than to die and never try at all. Everyone in the team has done their best, did all they could. So I’ll give my best for the event despite all the unhappiness and criticisms. I don’t wana regret later on.

After this event, I’ll do what I like to do. I’ll eat what I like to eat. I’ll go wherever I like to go. I’ll say whatever I like to say in my blog. Like it or not, I’ll be who I am. Afterall, who are we to decide what people wana think of us?

I’ll be as low profile as possible. I never wish to get appreciation or recognition from anyone for my works or talents or knowledge or whatsoever things I can deliver. I do it willingly. I do it cuz I can and cuz I wana contribute.

This is most probably gona be the very last event im gona do. I don’t belong to this kind of community. For smaller events, I was a lone ranger. People don’t share what my principles, beliefs, ideologies and ideas. Normal la.. so I’ll just do my own things, do it myself and no need to put others in.

I never have such defeat before. This is the first time and the biggest one.

And most importantly I won’t involve in anything anymore. I’m not good and I’m not capable at all. There are so many people who are 10 times better than me. I’ll only screw up things. I’ll just be an observer and help out when needed.

Sorry for everything from A to Z. if you feel I made mistakes in any ways, I’m sorry. Thank you too everything good things that you have done to me and to the team. You have worked your ass off, putting too much efforts with sleepless nights plus the time and money you spent.

There’s no way I can repay everyone’s good deeds. What I can do is to pray and wish to the religion that i believed in that you’ll be blessed, healthy always and success in your life. I believe good people will have good repay.

Thank you also to everyone who's still with us, supporting us and continue their participation in this event.

Thank you again to everyone for all your help. Thanks to friends who care. Thanks to those who try to understand me and the whole situation. Your words of encouragement do make the difference.

It’s all my fault la. If I chose to end it 1 month earlier, the damages won’t be as great as now. There will be less people affected. But every decision comes with a price right. Anything can happen. Life is not always that beautiful.

I just can’t wait for Saturday night because after that I am free. I can get away and runaway.. after this I can be a normal student again. I can focus on my studies, on my personal lives and things that I enjoy to do.

Well, I should stop here now. If not I can continue to rant and talk and talk till tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow cuz I still have a lot in my mind.

Have a good rest la everyone as we have to finish our task nicely tomorrow. I need to go now as I’m going to puke anytime soon..

* lone ranger is good. =p

buka puasa and celoteh

SELAMAT BERBUKA PUASA!! WOOHOOO! jom makan. it's makan time. i know la i tak puasa today but xpe.. kita makan sama-sama ye.. Bazar Ramadan kat Kampar Old Town memang best! punya banyak i sapu. tengokla apa i sapu hari ni. =p

ada Laksa Sanggul, taufufah, otak-otak, nasi lemak, cucur udang, jus pegaga, dan entah kuih apa benda la. best! sedap! i kan suka makan, kuat makan, hidup untuk makan. satu hari tak makan ok.. bukan apa, malas nak keluar. hehe.

hmm.. i makan sorang2. siapala kawan i yang puasa kat sini. yang puasa pun sikit tu je. semua pun balik kampung. sini area Cina.. Bazar Ramadan pulak jauh. so susahla students sini nak p sana.

i saw RM1 just now. no one dares to take it. so i took it. i was like thinking what should i do with it. kalau jumpa duit, rezeki la kan. but then i decided not to take it la cuz it's not mine. i remember i promised my ex before that i won't steal or talk anything that doesn't belong to me anymore. if not because of her also, i still pegang pada prinsip and maruah. kalau orang tak nampak pun, Tuhan nampak.

eh i took it but i donated it to to some guy at the Bazar Ramadan.best juga buat charity. hati rasa lapang. =p

u noe.. i puasa for a day only this time. yea you'll ask why must i puasa cuz im not even a Muslim. aih.. u won't understand la. it has to do with my previous relationship. anyway takde mood la nak puasa. u noe bila u sorang-sorang, buat apa pun xde makna kan. eh i tak emo. i cuma berkata benar. dulu i puasa cuz of her. now rasa janggal puasa alone. arrghh! memory masa lalu... she still lives in me la..

puasa this year is so dull. i don't feel Raya at all. no kick. no umpph! it's not like the previous Raya anymore. last time, i'll puasa, i'll go visit friends' house, i'll bermaaf-maafan with her but this year.. hmm.. i didn't even know that she's back. and now im in Kampar, not sure whether im going back to celebrate Raya or not.

it's funny you know when i see my friends' reactions everytime i told them that im going back to celebrate Raya. haha. they'll like huh?? why you wana go back? you Muslim meh? ayooo.. i ni Malaysian la. im not sure about you but i grown up in an environment where i accept, respect and understand other races and their cultures lo.. i celebrate all the major festivals in Malaysia.

waaaa walaueh u noe ah??? my roomate holiao oso lo.. girls always come to our house and see him one. yeala do discussion ma. but then hor most of his friends are girls. fuyoooo.. cayala! and all of them also PRETTY!! hahaha.he's quite good looking la.. =p

i went to the bank to get some money just now and i wana pengsan now! I am so broke now! serioous la. no lying. not joking. i terkejut sampai mata terbeliak bola jatuh pecah hancur looking at my account. aih.. how to travel? how to fix my laptop?

laptop is still sick. im now using my roomate's PC. tq Ah Liang. and thx to Tiffamy for fetching me from bus-stop when i reached Kampar. Thx to Rachael also for lending me ur laptop. muax muax.

im so kuai today. my bed is so neat now. i washed my bedsheet and mattress. i fold my clothes. i boiled water. i returned library books. i went to uni to snap pics. i arranged my notes. see how 'good' i am. hahaha.

oh ya! i miss her la.. how ah??

BUAT BODOH LA..

DAMN you stomach!

Grrhhh! Why everytime im in a rush and emergency, you cari pasai huh??

I cirit the whole morning and I feel asleep eventhough I woke up early to submit my Special Reporting assignment. I have to submit my assignment by 12pm. and guess what time I woke up. 1pm man! 1pm.

This is so oh my God la. grrhhhh! I was so blur and nervous. I rushed to printing shop to print. And it was raining.

So yea I was late to submit my assignment. Hmmm.. Miss Tan wana deduct 20%. Oklo.. I didn’t say no cuz it’s my fault. I should bear the responsibility and no one to be blame. She’s just being fair to everyone.

Lesson: don’t fall asleep after u wake up.

'takke' ah??

Just a few minutes before 12am, my sister came to me and she asked how to say fold clothes in Bahasa Malaysia.

i didn't give much attention to her. im still mad at her i guess. then she asked again. so i said 'melipat baju'. i wondered why she asked me that all of a sudden. i hoped it was for her homework.

then i went out to the hall. she was in the room folding her clothes. i looked at her laptop. she was chatting with Vivien. she told Vivien that she's going to 'ji' baju. 'Ji' means fold in Hokkien. she asked Vivien to asked me if she doesnt understand.

i was like.. i feel bad. she always ask me smtg bcoz she need to know about smtg. n i never pay attention to her. I was like lazy to answer her questions. She still ask me although i dun wana answer her. She's the kind who'll seek for an answer by herself. She wont tell me why she ask. Yes, sometimes i got frustrated because i duno why she asks me certain things.

She calls me 'takke' which means elder brother. She talks to me more then she talks to my brother.

she loves me. i know she loves me.

i am sorry..

comment that put you to nice sleep

Someone commented on my blog post ‘LembooO korban’ at 3.01am. It’s from an anonymous lah.

It says: orang "FAKIR" miskin bukan "KAFIR".

I was like oh shit! I typed wrongly. It supposed to be Fakir, which means the poor people. It also means the disabled, yang sebab kekurangan, yang tidak mampu, dan orang yang mengemis.

Kafir means the people who are bad, stingy, not considerate, jahil, jahat, teruk, buruk, kedekut and and mengingkari Tuhan. Betul kot..

hehehehe. so funny la from Fakir to Kafir. The K n the F terbalik. So people, it’s FAKIR, not KAFIR.

Ok im shocked! WOW!! Im curious who’s that person who dropped me that comment. I thought of one person only. I only have on eperson in my mind. I didn’t take even a minute to figure out who’s that person. I don’t need the anonymous to tell me who is he/she.

I think I know who’s that person. I KNOW IT! It’s a she. It’s her. I know it’s her. I believe my instinct. Yes. Im confident that it’s her. I can feel it. Wahahah! Confirmed! Confirmed. Aku confirmed!! I’ve checked! 100% SURE!! Woohooo!!

Thank God I made a mistake. Syukur..

If you are reading this now, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you not because of your comment. Thank you because you drop by my blog. It makes a lot of difference.

Anyway thank you also for correcting me. terima kasih.

Hohoho. Im gona sleep now with a smile on my face.

Gnite ppl. Love you. Muax. Tata! =p