have a bad feeling?

If you have a feeling that something bad is going to happen, it’s ok, let it be because sometimes there’s nothing much you can do. Just pray hard that it wont’ be that bad. And next time, avoid it from happening again. 

*well im feeling so nervous right now. Finger crossed that I won’t be hentam by YB tomorrow.*

thoughts tonight

- Ask, ask, and ask until you get the information that you need. If not don’t you ever go back to the office.

- I am not good yet but I will work harder to be good.

- It’s an achievement if the office didn’t call you after you finish work. If they do, means there are problems with your stories.

- When you are happy, laugh it out. When you are sad, cry it out.

- Do what you like. Like what you do.

- Life brief candle. Kalau ada umur panjang, bolehlah jumpa di masa hadapan.

- Religion for me is just about where you go after you die.

- Feels good to see or to listen to some good friends or people that have made a deep presence or impact in your life after so long.


- I may have hight tolerance but definitely not patience. 


- How you handle your emotions and react to people at home will reflect on your behaviour out there. 


- If you are bad to people, don't expect people to be nice to you. 

don't over-protective

I pity those kids who are over-protected. If u parents tink u r doin da right ting, den u r so damn wrong. Give dem some freedom to develop, to make mistakes n to learn! They are not your remote control. Don't always say no to everything that they want to do. Have faith of them. Give them space to be an adult. Don’t force them to listen to everything you say. You are not always right. You are just making them into some useless doggy human!

Mould them to be a good person, not to be you.

 Remember that. 


*ya you may love them so much but this is not the way.*

sejuk..

mencelik mata menguap-guap membuat kerja tatkala bulan penuh mengambang diiringi angin lembut yang menyejuk menaikkan bulu-bulu roma badan si kecil ini..

biggest mistake in my life

I just made the biggest mistake in my life.

Instead, I made it few months ago, in 2010.

If I ever persevere, stick to my principle, all these wouldn’t happen.

I never wanted UTAR Ball. NEVER! UTAR Ball, ball night, events, entertainment, girls, party are never in my mind. That’s not the reason why I joined SRC.

My biggest mistake was I accepted explanation and persuasion from Dr Teh and support and agreement from my own committee.

It was a mistake. It is a mistake.

It’s all my fault. I’m a weak leader.

This is the biggest defeat in my life.

Yes we managed to pull it through. We have to change the venue from Tambun Lost World to Kampar Club. Majority of the people who came were extremely happy. They were partying crazily, screaming, and enjoying themselves to the max. They were laughing all the way and it’s a good thing because that’s the point of continuing this event.

While they were enjoying themselves, I was standing there at one corner, looking at them while my mind at somewhere else, thinking, cracking my head on how to solve the financial problem.

I am totally not feeling happy. People are laughing happily but my tears are flowing, heart aches bitterly to the max.  

Fingers will soon be pointing to one direction, to me.

I just hope that miracles will happen.

I just hope that I won’t be alone.

Actually why am I so sad? Yea I already made a big mistake by allowing this event to takes place ever since from January 2011. But I’m even more sad when there’s trouble, everyone is running away. Many people are quitting. Many fingers are pointing to me and I’m talking about my own committee members!

Like Hong Leong said, the lesson is I must be firm. I must dare to make my decision as a chairman and all will have to follow my words.

Yea it’s ideally that way but in reality, that scenario can never happened in the team.

Throughout the whole event, I got to see more of the real faces of people. Some people have their wn agenda. Some people are taking advantage of the networks, financial, friends, girls, reputation etc.

And some, they really put their heart and mind into making this event a success. In this group of people, those who really worked as I observed, are the innocent ones.

I thought after tonight, I’ll be free but no. There are damages that have to be repaired. There are messes to be cleared. There are debts to be paid.

Despites all the obstacles and problems we faced, we made it happened. I must thank all the committee members, helpers, sponsors, performers, university, Sahara, Kampar Club, participants and friends. Thanks a lot.

Thanks to the 4 committee members and 6 helpers who stayed back till the end, till midnight to clean up. Thanks to the girl who said this to me, “May God bless you.”

Thank you. Yea I know the god has been blessing me and I don’t ask for anything more. Hope you guys will be blessed as well.

I am gona silent my phone and sleep till God knows what’s the time. I’m not gona pick up any calls or reply any sms-es.

I..made the biggest mistake in my life.

*It’s easy to avoid responsibility than to bear responsibility.

away..

This is gona be a very long long post..

Thoughts keep pouring in. yea it’s like the rain pouring non-stop. My body is tired but mind is still working.

I’ll be away..

Away..

I’ll be away.. away from communication with people. Away from talking to people. Away from making any comments and expressing myself. I’ll be away.

From now onwards, I I shall try my best not make any statements in Facebook anymore. I’ll just use my blog as FB, post my thoughts and opinions. Well, at least when I use my blog, not much people will notice it. I can even store what I said here. I have more freedom and I don’t have to be worried people will give crazy comments.

I am tired.. everyone is tired too.

I put away everything for this event. Like others, I sacrificed as much time, effort, money and energy as I could. Last year in December, I said to the ex-chairman and the team that this event must be done greatly and properly if not all our efforts all this while to clean the name of SRC will be destroyed. I said our name is at stake, our reputation is at stake and we couldn’t let that happen. This is a very risky event.

But now everything is macam taik. I screwed up my studies and assignments. I have no time for myself. My relationship with friends got affected. I lost a lot of opportunities in life. I have to give up many things because of this UTAR Ball.

I need some rest..

I am not running away. I just need time for myself. I’ll bear the responsibilities as the chairman because I am the chairman. When my team has problem, I should always support and back them up no matter what.

The whole event taught me a lot of things. I’ve seen a lot of things from my eyes, but most importantly from my heart..

I learnt to know more about human beings. I’ve learnt so much, much more in these 3 weeks than in my 20 years of life.

One of the lessons I learnt, don’t be last minute in decision making. If not, you die, die badly. what i mean here is, if you already make up your mind, don't change it last minute due to pressure or influence from people.

And don’t trust anyone so much. Most importantly, one must be firm in decision-making.

I also noticed that when there are troubles, people will escape. Hmmm.. Aren't we supposed to support each other?

well, i guess it's true what one of the HOD told me: it's human nature.

The event is definitely not the best perhaps the most sucks one but I guess I have one of the best experiences in my life.

Only the inside people know what actually going on throughout the whole event. As for the outsiders, they deserved the right to be angry. What I wish is that everyone tries to calm down and understand the whole situation instead of continuing scolding, blaming, condemning and insulting us. The fact is not gona change.

Things already happened. No point blaming anyone.

Reputation? Image? Good name? bla bla bla.. for me, it’s important but it’s not the most important thing after all. If you have good record, people know it. If you work hard you can have good reputation too. Reputation and be earned back if we work hard.

No matter what decision we make now, our reputation will be tarnished. This is an unchanged fact. Whatever you do now also people marah. You cancel, people marah. You postponed people also marah. You change venue people also marah. So marah la but the show will goes on! For sure, we can never continue in Tambun because of the 20k deficit.

No matter what, I’ll just ends off what I’ve started. Do or don’t do, the results are gona be the same. So why don’t give it one last shot, give it another chance and do or best? It’s better to try to do and die than to die and never try at all. Everyone in the team has done their best, did all they could. So I’ll give my best for the event despite all the unhappiness and criticisms. I don’t wana regret later on.

After this event, I’ll do what I like to do. I’ll eat what I like to eat. I’ll go wherever I like to go. I’ll say whatever I like to say in my blog. Like it or not, I’ll be who I am. Afterall, who are we to decide what people wana think of us?

I’ll be as low profile as possible. I never wish to get appreciation or recognition from anyone for my works or talents or knowledge or whatsoever things I can deliver. I do it willingly. I do it cuz I can and cuz I wana contribute.

This is most probably gona be the very last event im gona do. I don’t belong to this kind of community. For smaller events, I was a lone ranger. People don’t share what my principles, beliefs, ideologies and ideas. Normal la.. so I’ll just do my own things, do it myself and no need to put others in.

I never have such defeat before. This is the first time and the biggest one.

And most importantly I won’t involve in anything anymore. I’m not good and I’m not capable at all. There are so many people who are 10 times better than me. I’ll only screw up things. I’ll just be an observer and help out when needed.

Sorry for everything from A to Z. if you feel I made mistakes in any ways, I’m sorry. Thank you too everything good things that you have done to me and to the team. You have worked your ass off, putting too much efforts with sleepless nights plus the time and money you spent.

There’s no way I can repay everyone’s good deeds. What I can do is to pray and wish to the religion that i believed in that you’ll be blessed, healthy always and success in your life. I believe good people will have good repay.

Thank you also to everyone who's still with us, supporting us and continue their participation in this event.

Thank you again to everyone for all your help. Thanks to friends who care. Thanks to those who try to understand me and the whole situation. Your words of encouragement do make the difference.

It’s all my fault la. If I chose to end it 1 month earlier, the damages won’t be as great as now. There will be less people affected. But every decision comes with a price right. Anything can happen. Life is not always that beautiful.

I just can’t wait for Saturday night because after that I am free. I can get away and runaway.. after this I can be a normal student again. I can focus on my studies, on my personal lives and things that I enjoy to do.

Well, I should stop here now. If not I can continue to rant and talk and talk till tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow cuz I still have a lot in my mind.

Have a good rest la everyone as we have to finish our task nicely tomorrow. I need to go now as I’m going to puke anytime soon..

* lone ranger is good. =p

smiling Tuesday 30/3/2011

It’s such a beautiful day when u r feeling gud, doin gud, seeing smiles frm frens, sharing gud news n get congrats frm lecturers, gettin advises and philosophies frm Miss Tan Jue Jun, celebrate Mr. Afi Roshezry's bday, knowing friends PONTENG class and go to waterfall, selling UTAR Ball’s tix, UTAR Ball committee members so hardworkin, no 8am lecture, tokin 2mum, knowin my bro is ok frm acci, speding evenin wif Tze Huey at the garden, got a job as photographer for few events, snapped nice panorama photos n of cos the weather is nice 2day. wahaha =p

see life is nice la.. =p

PERIBAHASA of the day

Kerana setitik nila rosak susu sebelanga.

Kerana satu orang, rosak satu pasukan.

in presentation..

You might be so much better than your friends. You might not like the contents, language proficiency or style of their presentation but out of respect, you should not show your disgruntled face to them. As your friends, aren't you supposed to give them moral support? You are not perfect either. Accept others differences like how you want people to accept you.

knife in the heart

Tonight is the most painful night ever in Kampar for this semester.

i feel so hard to close my eyes and sleep.

I try so hard not to think of what they said but the pain is already there.

The wound is getting bigger.

It keeps bleeding.

The pain is totally unbearable.

Words are soul killer.

When it is already being said, it can't be retract.

Let's try to imagine this, a knife just cut ur hand, and it's expose to air, water and salt, how do u feel?

That's not the worse.

I'm feeling as if a long sharp blade just stabbed and pierced through my heart.

My pulse is getting faster.

My body temperature is getting higher.

My heart is physically painful ok..

okok, why should i care so much of what people say.

Because these 2 people are someone to me.

They are the people i love.

yea yea, they don't mean what they say right..

The first person said:

“Go die lah you.”

ok..

that was in the afternoon.

then in the evening, another person said:

“yes u are good of nothing, u only know to blame, u only talk bout urself, do u listen to others?u only know to find me when u nid sum1 to talk,to eat,to revise. u urself is the superior, u are self-centered, u are bad guy....if u stand in my shoes, u will found tht im juz relief to get a reliable, responsible junior, tht's all, nothing much bout da comparison.tok tok tok, wan tok till i die ar? ting tong ting tiang.”

fine.. whatever la.

forgive and forget!

hold no grudge.

you'll only feel happy when you can let go.

Good night.

get ur facts right

All these while, I have been keeping quiet, not saying anything although I have been framed, criticized, downgraded, humiliated, and accused by someone.

But now before I sleep, I have something to say.

I would like to remind everyone to get your facts right before you say anything because it can become a sedition or defamation. I, OH CHIN ENG, NEVER EVER USE MY PTPTN LOAN TO BUY ANY CAMERA OR DSLR. I bought my DSLR back in 2007 using the money I earn working part time in few places. It’s ridiculous to say that I use PTPTN loan to purchase my DSLR. For your information as well, as a student representative I have never given a cent and I have never taken a cent from the university. You can check it with the university for clarification. If I am self-centered I won’t devote my time, energy, money and reputation to stand up for the students.

I don’t mind and I am so open to criticisms but please debate on facts and not by attacking people’s personal life. Don’t act as if you know me so well.

I am offended by these derogatory remarks. I hate being accused and its hurt. Mind your language. Yes, I feel behsyiok now.

But good news is, you, yes YOU, if you still know who you are after saying I use my PTPTN loan to buy a DSLR, you can continue with your baseless and irresponsible allegations. I’m not gona care anymore. Or let me suggest you this, if you don’t like what people say or write, just go off, don’t listen and don’t read. Don’t torture yourself la.

Thank you and good night.

*Kes ditangguh buat semementara waktu sehingga satu tarikh yang akan diumumkan kelak. =p

Late PTPTN, not so good CNY

First of all, I hope the beloved Prime Minister who has been graciously sending us Chinese New Year’s greeting through SMS and e-mail will seriously look into this matter.

continue reading here http://oce-thephotojournalist.blogspot.com/2011/02/late-ptptn-not-so-good-cny.html

QUOTE of the day

Sometimes expressing to your diary is better than experessing to human.

Let me say this..

Go la go far far all talented Malaysians. If the country don't appreciate and recognize ur talents and contributions, why must you stay? y u love a country that don't love u? leave for a place with more opportunities. u shud decide on ur own future, not the nation.

the end

alrite no more facebook status for today 17.11.2010

i wana do my assignments.

i wana stay away from controversies, speculations, questions, criticisms, motivation and whatsoever things that people wana say in facebook la.

what i see what i hear is so depressing.

i cannot bear the pain and burden emotionally. 

don't wana care anymore.

everything else is not important except my studies.

study hard la.

do your best.

always know what you are doing and always do the right thing.

stand for what you believe in.

that's the end for tonight la.

tata.

im feeling gay

hahaha! im feeling so gay tonite ah. appraisals are makin me fly. ok i'll work harder work harder.

oh ya! sedapnya sebatang banana yang gemuk, panjang dan berisi. Sexy!

thanks to my roomate for his huge banana from Teluk Intan. eh real banana ok! yellow color one la! hahaha!

McD Maniac

some people so damn muka tebal, muka sekupang, tak malu, tak sabar, kiasu, taik cirit, buy food (McD) oso wana cut line ah?!! oik!! nvr eat McD ah? or cant wait to go home n SHIT?! pls la.

go back to Standard 1, the teacher will teach u how to queue up 1 by 1.

ish!

sabar la..

y so desperate?

McD won't fly away lah.

JANGAN DUK BUAT MALU LAH!!

geram!

this happened when i bought my dinner at McD just now. if not because my friend, stop me, im gona shout at her. yea yea i should be tolerate bla bla bla.

but helo simple basic thing like wait for your turn also don't understand??

how old are you??

yeala..

age is not a matter.

maybe the older you are, the more situpad you are.

eh no la.

maybe u r just being ignorant.

oh ya!

u duno u must queue up right.

yea yea yea..

so why i din tell her off.

oh cuz i scared i will naik gila, and i dun wana embarrass her in front of her kids.

thank you.

a humble reminder

I don't want to be mean but I am sorry i have to say this.

What have you contributed to the people? Do you ever want to serve them?

No one should be kaki tumpang nama or do nothing but just want the name.

Leave if you don't have the heart to be in the team. Leave if you don't care of people's welfare. Leave if you talk big but no action. Leave if you do nothing.

Do it GRACIOUSLY.

You should know your PRIORITY.

You are here in this position not to show off, get notice, lobby for posts and contracts, but to do work.

Respect is to earn.

Public interest is much more important than personal interest.

Please do some REFLECTION.

You can disgrace yourself. NEVER disgrace and humiliate your team.

People look up at you. You actions will reflect on the team.

I am not only angry. But i am highly disappointed and fed up!

I thank you, the student who help me to solved the problem.

QUOTE of the day

If you are angry, you can never think properly.

terasa rindu

tidak pernah aku meminta

tetapi perasaan datang menergah 

hiba di jiwa tiada siapa yang tahu

rasa rindu yang teramat sangat

pahit menusuk kalbu

benci malam yang diam membisu

sepi pilu di hati tidak terubat

perit di kala Raya menjelang

tatkala terkenang si dia yang dah pergi

hanya air mata menjadi teman

biar berpijak di realiti dan bukan fantasi

aku 

masih aku

aku

merindui mu..

 

*aih.. entah apa benda aku duk merepek!