oh nooooooooooooooooooooooOOO!

Lemah semangat gila. Tangan menggigil. Badan seram sejuk. Rasa macam nak pengsan!

709: no yellow, no red, but white.

Dup dap dup dap dup dap dup dap..

This is what I feel at the moment. I am so nervous over the event tomorrow. I’m looking forward for it though. But I know the feeling is more than nervous. I am scared. I am scared until I am speechless and stomach pain.

What colour will people be wearing tomorrow? How will Kuala Lumpur looks like? A sea of yellow? Or a sea of red? We’ll see. But for me, I’ll just be wearing a white shirt. White represents cleanliness, purity and sincerity.

Earlier in the day, she asked me not to go. She asked why must I go. She said I can support from the heart.

Just now, my aunty called. She asked me to becareful. She reminded me so many times not to wear yelloh shirt. She said she knows that I will be going.

Then my grandmother called me. She said there are roadblocks everywhere. She wondered how in the world I got bus ticket back to KL.

Lastly, my mum. She also asked me not to wear anything yellow tomorrow.

Don’t worry I won’t. I’m wearing white. =p

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Some people say there will be riot. Some say the communication like will be down, no phone calls, sms, and internet. Some say there will be massive arrest in the city.

If anything were to happened to me, I won’t blame anyone. This is the path I chose, this is the decision I made.

Nothing is gona change if only a person do all the job. Last time, when I join SRC of UTAR Kampar, this is one of the messages I try to send out. If we are all united, we can breakthrough.

Forget me not. Remember me for the photos I took, for the stories I documented, and for the memories I captured. Remember me for my silliness and words too.

So if you are going to KL tomorrow, please be safe. Remember to fill petrol if you are driving. If you are stuck in the jam, roll down the window and chitchat with the drivers next to you. =p

I will make myself presence at the event tomorrow with my brothers and sisters. I’ll be there not as any political party supporter but as a Malaysians.

I just wana take pictures la. chill laaaa...

I am not gona do anything bad, illegal or commit crime.

I will be safe and take care of myself. For those who care about me, please pray for my safety and others too.

I will post my updates on Facebook.

May no one's gonna get hurt tomorrow.

Buddha, please bless me..

Peace Malaysia.

sueh

Sueh sueh sueh.

Sueh sueh sueh.

Recently so sueh.

The sueh season is here. When it’s here, it means bad.

I can feel it. I can sense it.

Everything seems not right. Everything is not smooth.

So many bad things happened.

my heart at this moment still dupdapdupdap for no reason. As if something bad is gona happen.

My heart just feels like popping out. Body is chilling.

Im feeling insecure and fear.

And you know what, when I was riding just now, I felt so lost. I couldn’t concentrate. I felt as if im gona bang to someone.

OMG. What’s happening.

And im feeling sick now..

how come???

usually my 'light' quite bright one.

ok the Chinese believe that human has some kind of 'light' on both their shoulders. the 'lights' will determine their luck or something like that.

so what, my light is very dim is it?

kamma. kamma. this must be my kamma. my previous kamma.

hmmm... alrite alrite. i'll do more good deeds, be nice, pray more, be a good boy.

SUEH arggghhhh!

=(

laptop is dying

oh im really in deep shit! my laptop's fan is not working. it has been shutting off by itself for more then 10 times tonight! i on it and less than 5 mins bye bye again.

there's burning smell and the engine's sound so loud. scary!

im really freaking out right now. im damn worried ok..

this is one of the things i fear the most in my life: if i lost all my documents and photos from the digital devices.
oh oh pls pls i beg u dun die yet. pls...

i still need you to do a lot of things: assignments, exam, research, competition, blog, official events.

i haven't back up all my documents yet.

i have 215GB of documents in this laptop.

please i beg u la..

pls stay alive till next sem.

you know i love you right??

yes i love you!

i really do. muax muax muax.

ok bye my laptop is gona saotong anytime. =(

pondering..

This is what people will question the leader:

If you can't speak in front of 5 people, how are you going to speak with a crowd of 500 people?

when you met your lecturers outside the university..

hav u guys ever sit at the same table with your lecturers to makan??

you know.. i feel it's kinda scary when the lecturers suddenly ask u to join them to makan.

anyway i had dinner with my friends.

whiel we are in da way to go back, my lecturers and a friend who are sitting at one of the tables, called me!!

yeah they called me n not my friends!

sacry la!!

they are still my lecturers anyhow although they are not giving lecture at that time.

and before that i 'umped' to their table to say hie out of no one. and of the lecturers just stared at me!!

SCARY la!!

i gila-gila but she showed me lion face.

haha.

so anyway their frens talk to me. asked me alot of funny questions about me and my camera and about photography.

fuh... i tell you it's scary ok to talk to you lecturers besides than studies.

their friend is curious why i bring my camera everywhere i go. she asked do i sleep with my camera, what kind of photographs i take and what i get from taking so many photographs.

fuh.. my heart was like jumping out from my body. i need to answer them properly. you know.. my answer will show my personality. i have to use correct language as well. and i have to talk to them like how i talk to the lecturers and not as friends.

the whole conversation was kind of tense for me but it's funny la..

n i found out that the new batch for Journalism will have to take Photojournalism subject.

WAT THE H*LL rite??

how i wish UTAR offers that subject in my syllibus. aih... other universities like Lim Kok Wing, MMU and Han Chiang College offer that subject but it's either too expensive or i don't liek the course structure.

before we bye-bye, i told them about the photo contest, KL Photo Awards. hehe.. and they are willing to sponsor me the entries.

kamsiah Miss Tan JJ and Miss Esaline.

oh ya anyway their friend is a lecturer as well!!

Scariest Time of The Year

Everyone has something that they are scared of in their life. Some people recognized their fear and they try to overcome it. Someone people choose to hide it. And some people didn’t even know what actually they are afraid of.

Fear creates a distance between human and the things that they are afraid of. Fear makes people think twice of their actions and words spoken. Fear puts people in an alert and cautious situation where they know when bad things are gona happen. Fear also bring human closer to the Creator.

I have fear. Not one but quite a lot, depends on the situation. How about you?

One of the fears I have is the month of December and January. These 2 months are the months that I want to avoid. This is the most scariest time of the year, for me.

Problems started towards the end of the year until Chinese New Year. I’m so used to it already because this is the time when war usually erupts in my house. It’s a norm. it’s a tradition. I’m not sure whether it’s a curse.

That’s why I’m awake now, before 6.30am. I wished I was awake because of my own agendas but no. I was awake by the noises from the people in the house.

I am fed up. sometimes I just wish that I’m not at home to face all this. It’s not a pleasant feeling when you don’t even dare to close your eyes to sleep.

Do you call it a home when you feel insecure?

This is the scariest moment of the year in my home. How I wish there’s no December and January in the calender.

acid-dent

woah!! an accident almost happened few minutes ago.

fuiyoh!! 15cm away from bang-bang! wahahah.

it happened in front of my eyes!!

it's an kancil and a scooter.

at least 5people in the kancil. the driver and the front seat passenger damn super fat!

2 people without helmet on the scooter.

damn cilaka. the red kancil super fast. it's raining lah!! drive so fast for what!! the scooter went out from the house. the rider saw the car on the right lane, so he quickly went to the left lane. cilaka the red kancil turned to left lane!! arrrghhhh! both pressed the brake habis-habis kow-kow!!

fulamak!! the scooter has stopped but the red kancil still moving. the rider's and the passenger's eyes were on the car with full of concentration!! so ddep in focus!! oh God!! RIP?!!

NO!! luckily the red kancil managed to stopped on time! seriously the kancil is 15cm away from kissing the scooter.

fulamak!! saat-saat yang sungguh mencemaskan dan mendebarkan!

damn u kancil. u saw me going to the left, then why you turn yo the left??!! grrhhh!

so anyway, that's the story of Oh Chin Eng and Poovaneswaran on the scooter.

now both of them are in OCE's room studying Moral for the exam at 9am later.

both still in trauma and still thanking the God. Thank God they can still take the exam in uni tmr.

waaahahah!

Runaway from Doctor

At the time im writing this, 7.55pm, it’s drizzling out there. I just reached home. My heart is till pounding so hard. It feels like popping out from my ribs.

The reason is.. I just went to the clinic. If you still remember, I once said that some part of my body is itchy. Some part which is too sensitive. It started in mid-May when I came back Penang for my sememster break. At first, I thought the itchiness is normal. But then when I sweat, It becomes itchier. Then, slowly, it spreads around. The wound becomes bigger. My skin becomes red. I have to always scratch n scratch n scratch. GATAL ma. My skin is peeling off. It becomes so sensitive. Sometimes it bleeds. It’s so irritating because it’s so itchy when I sweat. It’s so uncomfortable.

I’m not sure what’s the cause of it. Allergy? Or something else? So finally after 6 MONTHS, I went to the clinic in Pulau Tikus. Clinic Ev*ng*l. Heard of it? There was no any patient there besides me. I brought my sister along. When I register, the nurse asked me what sickness. I said itchy. She asked where. I said my body. I felt so uncomfortable with her questions. Then she asked whole body is it. I said no, just some parts la. I’m not gona tell her where I feel itchy! Anyway the nurse is very friendly. She asked me a lot of question about myself. she said being a journalist is good. I said got pros n cons la. She asked me to study hard and be a obedient son.

Ok… after a long chat, the nurse asked me to go in. The doctor looks like a Singh but he has some weird name. I don’t know what is he. So this doctor, asked me many questions again. what I do. Where I study. What course. Where I stay. Bla bla bla. The irritating part is I have to repeat my answers at least thrice. He has hearing problem la! ayooo!

After the nurse left us, I told the doctor, my sickness is something very personal. Private. So I told him what happened. I explained the symptoms. It’s not easy ok. The sickness im having is unusual. Then he asked me to sit on the bed. He pulled the curtain and he asked the nurse to stay away. Fuh.. my heart was beating damn fast. I can’t tell you how afraid I was. I was so freak out and I was shivering. He asked me to show him. Yea show him!! So what to do. I have to la. I pulled up my shirt and I showed him…not all! I cover cover a bit. This is the very first time some stranger is seeing it. Grrrhhh!

I’ve lost my JANTANNESS!

He asked me when did it happened. I said since May. He kept asking me the same ques. So I changed my answer to ‘6 months already.’ He still asked me the same questions for many TIMES. His ears really got problem. Then he got shocked why now only I went to see him. Hmmm.. I was scared and shy. I thought it will cure by itself.

Guess what the doctor wana do to it. He said ‘INJECT, APPLY CREAM AND TAKE MEDICINE.’ I was like what??!!! INJECT?!! Not on my hand but my BUTTOCK!! Ouch!! No way. Im afraid of needle. PAINFUL la! I asked the doctor what is the cause of it. The doctor didn’t answer me. he just said that I must put the cream n take medicine. What the tut!! Just tell me la why it happened!

Then he said after the antibiotic injection, I must come back in five days to follow up. I told him im going back to university tomoroow morning. He didn’t get what I said. He called his 2 nurses. I don’t know why. So I quickly told them that I can’t come back for follow up. the doctor said I must come back, at least let him know when.

So I went out to check when I can come back to Penang again. I’ll be very busy after I go back to Kampar. I have to submit my assignments next week then I have public competition the week after. The earliest I can come back is after three weeks. The nice nurse came out and she showed the ‘$’ sign, asking I don’t have money is it. I said no. I have RM50 with me.

After some time, I went in again. I wanted to lie to the doctor that I’ll come back again next week. You know.. maybe he won’t give me so many tablets and I don’t have to pay that much. But before I tell him anything, he asked me to lie down. The two nurses were there. I was so nervous. I don’t want. I kept asking the doctor is it necessary. I told them I’m scared of needle. It’s painful. The 2 nurses said no, it’s not. Then he said I have to pay RM120. Er.. ok.. so fast tell me how much it costs. Sadly I only have RM50. I told him and I showed him my RM50 note. The doctor was so speechles. I asked him not to worried. I said I’ll get the injection because it’s a must. The doctor asked me to go get $. I agreed and I said I’ll come back.

I walked out from the room. My sister kept asking me since we reached the clinic, what’s wrong. Why I went to see doctor? What doctor said? Why the doctor never give me any medicine. Etc etc etc. I didn’t tell her anything. I lied that I got stomachache. I don’t want her to know anything. And most importantly I don’t want my parents to know.

After a long thought, I came home. I didn’t go to get $ from the bank. I’m afraid of needle. I’m phobia to it. And I feel RM120 is just too expensive. It’s just an allergy afterall. I didn’t go to Government Hospital (GH) because I thought clinic won’t be that expensive. I don’t have time to wait for the long queue in GH and Im not convinced with GH.

Im waiting for the nurse to call me. she must ne wondering why I didn’t go back to the clinic. I didn’t pay a cent..yet. you know.. consultation fee. No, I’m not going back there. I’m scared. Just let it be lah. If the doctor is so desperate for consultation fee, come and find me la. he has my address and phone number.

Someone called me just now at 8.40pm. The number is from a house number. It’s from Digi. I didn’t pick up. who knows it’s the doctor. Sorry la im scared la.

Im kind of worried right now. I lost my appetite to eat. What if it’s more then allergy?

‘She’ asked me to go and check last month. You know..it might be some diseases..

haih...

Shit! i forgot to ask my sister not to tell my parents that we went to the clinic.

tata!