results of final exam of final semester is OUT!

alright I am so afraid right now. 

The moment is here. The results of my final exam of my final semester have just released.

Oh i am so excited. And i'm so happy for my classmates and friends as they are now officially graduated. Everyone is posting it on Facebook. 

But i haven't checked mine. I freak out.

Everything happened so fast. 

Just a few hours ago, i posted in my Facebook that "u worry abt not getting a job? i worry abt not passing my final final exam lo.. "

Now, UTAR announced the results. All this while i was anticipated for it but not this time.

I have some bad feeling. I just feel uneasy.

It's like something bad is gona happen.

There's a very thick insecurities built in me.

I have been so grumpy lately thinking of the results. 

homaigawad homaigawd.

I just want to pass la, not A...

hai FYP

Langsir ditutup rapi
Cahaya terik dilitupi
Bilik jadi gelap gelita
Kipas berpusing laju
Bagai diserang histeria
Sedap untuk tidur mati

Jam berdetik
Tiada tanda akan berhenti

Masa menyusur
Hati resah
Nafas sesak
Kerja berlambak

Tapi malas menguasai diri
Ku jadi pemarah dan moody
Bukan kehendak menjadi begini
Tapi ku lemah di sanubari

Penat mencari motivasi
Di mana kau inspirasi
Hilang kau diterminasi
Mana pergi..

Aku perlu berhenti berkasih
Berhenti berpacaran dengan teknologi
Diramas idea materialistik
Dan sepastik
Kembali ke dunia hakiki
Balik ke jalan
Menuju ke FYP

Biar yang pergi berlalu pergi
Usah diungkit kembali
Sedangkan pokok boleh bercambah lagi

Fotografi kau blah dari sini
Akan ku ceraikan mu
Kau menghancur konsentrasi ku
Takpe, kita masih boleh bermadu
Perkara lain-lain, letak ke tepi
FYP jadi prioriti

Bangunlah kau
Bangun

Akan ku bangun dari kerusi
FB kau berambus dari sini
Biar cahaya masuk ke mari
Biar kejahatan berlalu pergi
Biar otak bersih berseri
Biar ku setia pada mu FYP

Mai aku siapkan kau FYP
Officially starts malam ini
Susah akan ku harungi
Kalau tidak
Tiadalah graduasi

studying style changed

i just wana say time has changed.

people have changed.

i have changed.

studying style also changed.

kalau dulu masa secondary school, i prefer study sorang-sorang dalam bilik bertemankan radio.

tapi kini..

i can't study alone at home la..

i think la..

entah.

sometimes i need to be alone. to be with my own thoughts.

sometimes i need to be with people, if not, i'll be lazy to study.

so freak out of exam now. 2days from now..

takpela takpela. bye.

nightmare

Scary! Spooky! Crazy!

Only 3 words can described a nightmare that I experience just before I opened my eyes this morning.

It may sound strange but that was what actually happened.

I never experienced any spooky dreams for quite some years, as far as I remember.

I went to bed around 3pm.

I was so tired so I thought I can sleep straight away.

But then it went another way round.

I closed my eyes. Then the dream started.

kacuak tak malu

when you see kacuak, what do you do??

you must SHOUT!

ARRRGHHH!

that's what i did!

i saw a big fat ass kurang asam not sexy tak malu punya cockroach aka kacuak in my house.

and i had a big fight with it.

waaaa i was attacked. it fiu here n there. fly here n there. how dare the devil went into my beg, my food container, my toiley etc.

luckily im strong. i use my super but normal power to catch it.

im not scared of cockroach i tell you.

but i screamed, jumped and ran.

After struggling for 5minutes! Yes 5minutes, i won the battle.

there you go kacuak yang tak malu.

perasan mia kacuak. i noe my house is clean. but you have to ask your permission before you come ma. you never learn Moral meh. don't simply migrate la. must go apply for citizenship you know. if not Rela and Police will catch you i tell you. don't play-play!

before the authorities come, let me sumbat u!

by the way, i 'borrowed' someone's egg from the fridge. hehe. tomorrow i put back lo.

okok got to go. need to sleep. suddenly so dizzy. class at 8am tomorrow. waaaa so excited. i wana wake up at 6am. yes i want but don't know can or not. =p

chicken getting results

finally i checkped my exam's results just now.

i went to the students' portal around 12.20am. i got into the results page d. but i stucked there. cuz i dare not to scroll down the page to look at the grade.

yea chicken. im a chicken.

I was shivering. Heart pounding as if im running for marathon. Adenaline gushed up.

seriously i freak out. i takut. goosebumps!vthis is the semester where the subjects are so hard that you know you can fail!

im so nervous until i got stomachache again.

Then my good buddy, Nixon so kaypo, he helped me to get the results. i gave him my username and password. he log in n he saw my results.

luckily no D. he said he saw 'CANDIDACY TO CONTINUE'.

i was like woah!! that means i pass! i can continue with my next semester.

out of a sudden, he copy n paste my results on MSN.

CRAZEE FELLA! i wana look at the grades myself la. ayooo,. but anyway thx to him la.

Im happy im happy. results are not bad. im satisfy with what i get. not to say unhappy but okokla.

Thank God i didn't fail.

u noe.. u people. i mean we people always say we'll do better we'll do hard work harder next semester. but all lazy and kantoi. all cakap je but kenot do. PHUIIII!! cannot lidat la. mana boleh. if we want good grade, must show good attitude and work hard.

one thing surprised me. I got a D for Communication Theories. impossible lo. i can get a B. i know how to answer the questions leh. i got confident in that paper leh! my course works' mark is among the highest n it is very high. apa sudah jadi! farnee la. the one that we all expect will fail we get C. i got C. the one that i expect will get at least C become D.

anyway, im glad i can still continue with next semester. i am so thankful. i am truly grateful. My prayer has been answered. i know i did many bad things but He's still there. i thank God. im lucky this time. but luck wont always by my side if i don't work hard.

im sad as well. my friends results are quite bad. i feel like crying! arrrgh! few of my coursemates already thinking of quitting. i mean to withdraw from UTAR. please don't do it. my batch already lose 2 students last year. i don't wish to see friends leaving again.

I have spoken in Speaker's Square

hehehe!

i did what i've said.

mission accomplised!

i made it.

im glad to be back in Penang!

i have spoken in Speaker's Square, Esplanade, Penang!

woohooo!
ok this is an achivement for me myself.

why??

first time giving speech in an open space.

and first time giving speech without audience, microphone, stage, podium or spotlight!

how cool is that!

and how funny is that??

nvm.. i made it.

when are you going to make it?

let them especially the public, government, pressmen and SPecial Brance officers hear your voice.

anyway there was a man with small gadget to take picture and take video was there before i speak. he left. then when i was speaking half way, he came n i SAW him take picture and video of me. seriously he got the SPecial Branch's look and style.

gosh! goosebumps man!

luckily when i say something about the police, he wasn't there.

thanks to my 4 Super VIPs and good buddies Nixon Lai, Ah Meow, Dexter the Pervert and Liam The Chiko for being there. haha.

and thanks also to a couple, my additional audience.

there were suportive. we had a nice chat.

impossible i can achieved my dream without u people.

MUAX MUAX MUAX!

daytime nightmare

it is RED

it is red.

bloody red.

im sure it is red.

how could it be red?

it supposed to be either white or yellow.

but it turned out to be red.

i was ok last night.

everything was normal...

but now..

OH MY GOD!!

i was so shocked to look at the red color water in the toilet.

i thought something is wrong with my eyes.

but no.. it is red.

what shoud i do now?

i never felt this way before.

i never encountered this situation before.

yea im a bit freak out.

i feel like as if my blood is coming out from my body.

i drank a lot of water already.

but it is still red.

aarrgggh shit!!

should i tell my mum?

i didn't tell anyone.

nah, it's ok.

i don't want them to be worried.

i'll be ok..

if worse come to worse, i'll go to see doctor lo..

or maybe i should see doctor.

haih...

God, please give me good health for me to finish this semester.

horoscope says that Dragon will get bad luck in Tiger year.

but i believe that 2010 is gona be a great year.

the final is tomorrow

Just in few hours time, I’ll be competing with 4 more finalists in Bahasa Melayu Category for my university’s public speaking competition final round. The competition starts at 10.30am. I don’t know when is my turn. I hope im not the first one.

Sadly tomorrow none of my coursemates are able to come and support me like how they did during the preliminary round last December. I’ll be there alone.. without anyone by my side. This is because all of us have class from 10am-12pm. Im not gona ask them to skip class just to come and watch me. its unfair for them. studies are more important. After all this is just a competition. My family also not coming because this is an internal event and it's just too far my my family to travel here.

My coursemates actually wana come. They are very supportive. But well what to do. I know some of them are really sad. I feel more sad ok. I don’t blame anyone la. it’s just not my luck.

You know I even went to the lecturer to asked him bring all my coursemates to my competition tomorrow. Haha. I was just joking with him la. I asked him to release them early if possible. I told him I can’t make it for class, so my friend will sign for me la. hehehe. He said its ok, he can sign for me. Then we laugehd out loud. Hahah.

Im so scared and nervous right now until shivering and stomach pain. My heart is throbbing and my blood is pumping hard. I just feel like giving up la. im not done with the text yet. I duno why im so last minute this time? No UMPHH la. not excited oso. Why? Is it because I know that my friends are not coming? Is it because the gap between the preliminary and the final is too big. Is it bcoz the title is not interesting? Is it because of ‘her’? or is it because im LAZY?!! Im not gona blame anyone if i don't get anything tmr.

Anyway thanks for all the wishes n prayers from my friends. You know who u are. Tq from the bottom of my heart. I'll do my BEST!! I dun wana dissappoint those who support me.

I wonder whether she remembers about this competition or not. Again she’s not here when im competing..

All the best 2eveyone especially my Senior, Pei-Jing who’s also one of the finalists in the competition.  Let’s do our best to get the first prize of RM600. =p

CHIN ENG JUST DO YOUR BEST NO MATTER WHAT. AFTER ALL THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR ALL THE WHILE RIGHT? I DON’T THINK YOU WANA GET FIRST RUNNER UP AGAIN RIGHT? SO DO IT! KALAH PUN MESTI KALAH DENGAN BERMARUAH!

acid-dent

woah!! an accident almost happened few minutes ago.

fuiyoh!! 15cm away from bang-bang! wahahah.

it happened in front of my eyes!!

it's an kancil and a scooter.

at least 5people in the kancil. the driver and the front seat passenger damn super fat!

2 people without helmet on the scooter.

damn cilaka. the red kancil super fast. it's raining lah!! drive so fast for what!! the scooter went out from the house. the rider saw the car on the right lane, so he quickly went to the left lane. cilaka the red kancil turned to left lane!! arrrghhhh! both pressed the brake habis-habis kow-kow!!

fulamak!! the scooter has stopped but the red kancil still moving. the rider's and the passenger's eyes were on the car with full of concentration!! so ddep in focus!! oh God!! RIP?!!

NO!! luckily the red kancil managed to stopped on time! seriously the kancil is 15cm away from kissing the scooter.

fulamak!! saat-saat yang sungguh mencemaskan dan mendebarkan!

damn u kancil. u saw me going to the left, then why you turn yo the left??!! grrhhh!

so anyway, that's the story of Oh Chin Eng and Poovaneswaran on the scooter.

now both of them are in OCE's room studying Moral for the exam at 9am later.

both still in trauma and still thanking the God. Thank God they can still take the exam in uni tmr.

waaahahah!

Letter To The God

God, 2009 is going to end soon. Very soon. I wana thank you for the guidance, blessing and protection you gave me throughout the whole year. Im sorry too for the wrongdoings I made. I know im bad.. I did try to be a better man but I failed.. why?? Im not gona give u any reasons. I know n You know.

I believe in you God. some people only pray to you when they are scared of ghost, when they are admitted into the hospital and when they are in troubles. But I always pray to you no matter im in good or bad condition. I always pray for others n not myself.

Anyway, I wana make a last wish. I wana ask for one last thing from you. A last one.. I promised it’s the last one. No more wishes after this for the rest of 2009. This is not about my final exam. I’ll work on it myself on my exam. no use I pray hard but I don’t work hard right.

God, the time is now. Im going to the hospital now to get my blood test results. I am very nervous right now. very. I just constipated because im too scared. My heart is beating very fast.

I pray to you that my blood is ok. I hope the doctor will tell me that. Please.. You are the only one I can turn to now. if my blood is ok, other people is ok as well. I dun wana trouble anyone. I don’t one. If I have to suffer for my sins, let me bear it all myself.

Please let me get a good results. Please.. I promise you if my blood is ok, I WILL BE ON VEGETARIAN DIET FOR 3 DAYS, PUASA FOR 1 WEEK AND I WILL PARTICIPATE IN THAIPUSAM NEXT YEAR.

Very 1 Malaysia rite??

I need spiritual strength right now. im going now.. I pray that everything will turn out ok. I want 2010 to be a great year ahead. I know some people is waiting eagerly to know the results. I dun wana let anyone down, including myself.

Thank you God.

stop and stare

No no no! this post is not about the song from onerepublic. This post is about a girl. A fair, pretty and clean face girl. I sent my sister to tuition at 8pm. I walked her into the room. Then a chinese girl clad in white shirt was standing there at the door. Her eyes were on me, with full of concentration, without even a blink, for at least 10 steps away from me. As I getting nearer the room, she still stared at me.

I was freaked out. Seriously! so I stared back at her la for few seconds. I tried to recall whether I met this person before or not but nop, I never met her!! I tried to be nice. I smiled, just a little, but she still looked at me as if I owe her something very valuable. fine! I turned away. I sent my sister in. my sister’s teacher was there.

She asked me what time im coming to pick my sister up. I said 10pm lo. The lady was still there at my left hand side, stared at me again!! Never a girl stares at me for so long. I stared back at her with the “yes? What? Do u noe me? do I noe u??” look.

Suddenly my sister’s teacher said  “u don’t have stare until like that. She’s my daughter.” I turned and look at her daughter. She looked at her mum n she said “he’s from SXI ma. A photographer ma.” I was stunned. Totally speechless. I blink blink my eyes. I carved a smile. Then I looked at her mum again. I asked how her daughter knows abt it. She said her daughter also from SXI.

Then they just walked away dengan stylonyer. I was still blur-blur. Then I quickly asked her what year her daughter was in SXI. Only Form 6 in SXI got girls. I never seen her before in SXI. That’s why I stared back at her full of curiosity. Her mum said smtg but I couldn’t catch it. Den we left the place.

Woah!! My heart is still pounding while im writing this. Im excited I guess. Shocked too. I don’t know how to describe the way she stared at me with her big eyes. She knows me but i don't know her!!

Aiyah!! i didn't snap her pics lah!!

The Time Is Now

Pagi yang gelap, kini sudah terang.

The time is now..

Di sini masanya..

In just less then 2 hours, I’ll be up on stage. I think everyone of us will feel so proud to be up there…if we were to receive an award or a prize. But I think most of us will freak out and runaway if we were to ask to perform a show or to talk on the stage.

Do greatly or die badly.

I didn’t sleep the whole night. I spent it by memorising, practising n yelling when everyone else was having their sweet dream. Now I have a dark black eye ring under my eyes.  My throat feels so dry. N I am damn sleepy right now. very sleepy.

I feel like puking so badly due to lack of sleep. How interesting, im having diarrhea now. =p other then that, I keep pharting from my a** n my mouth because I ‘consumed’ too much air. I drink a lot of water n I pee every 15mins.

Thank you UTAR DSSC for calling me at 9.05am to remind me about the competition. I wont forget lah…

I went to temple early early in the morning. I asked for blessing n a peace of mind. well.. I need to calm myself down ma. Usually if im in Penang, I’ll pray at home before I go for a competition and a long journey.

Before this i was having dilemma on what traditional clothe to wear, Samfu or Baju Melayu. i never wear Samfu in uni but i don't have the pants. My Samfu look really awesome. =p At the end i chose Baju Melayu because the 3 judges are Malays. Maybe they'll feel impressed because a Chinese is wearing a Malay traditional clothe. After all, trust me, no one will wear traditional clothe except me. If got also, maybe ONE only.

I nk pergi dah. Ok im going out now. im wearing the lucky chain, that I always wear for the pass 3 years, made from coconut shell with the number ‘12/8’.

Let’s break their leg, break their hand and their head as well.

Are you ready?

YES I’M READY!

DIE again???

i just got a shocking news from my friend. a very shocking to the max 1. fuh..

few months ago, she dreamt that i got bitten to death by some strangers at the backlane.

n NOW!!

she told me that last night she dreamt of something bad happen in my public speaking competition.

arrrgghhhh!!

what kind of dream is this?? why all so bad 1??

YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT NG AI LOON!!

ahaha. i dun blame u la. i just find it so funny n shocking.

fuh. amitabha. thni kong. kuan im ma. ganesha. pls POPI tmr is a good day. =p

I WANT TO MAKE HISTORY

Sakit perut! arrghh! Sakit perut means stomachache la. so damn painful la. no no. not beause I ate wrong thing or because I didn’t eat anything.

It is because…

I AM SO EXCITED AND NERVOUS!!!

I keep thinking of my public speaking competition tomorrow. Im taking part in Bahasa Malaysia category. It’s like a dream come true to compete in such competition.

The adrenaline all gushed up.

Fuh! Hati I duk berdegup-degup, berdupdap-dupdap, berdebar-debar macam nak tercabut! Fuhhh! Dengan penuh keterujaan, aku menunggu hari esok. =p

It has been at least 3 years since I felt this way. The last time I took part in public speaking was in 2007 when I was in Upper 6 and I emerged as the 1^st Runner Up in the state level.

Im doing my speech alone. Of course I ask for ideas from friends n lecturers. Im not perfect you know. Hmmm.. when she was still here, I always ask for her opinion, we discus, we argue n we make the decision together. 2 brains are always better then 1 brain what.

Well.. of cos I nak menang. But if tak menang apa nak buat kan. means that other ppl is better then me. winning or losing is just a matter of a title. The important thing is whether you have do your best or not. And I can proudly say that I have support from my coursemates, from my ex-classmates from Penang,and  from the people I know. Your support give a me courage and confident to say what I wanted to say.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Let’s wait for tomoorow. Hope to see you people tmr my classmates. I’ll be very very VERY happy to c u guys thr.  =p

Let’s memorise and practise hard hard tonight.

I WANT TO MAKE HISTORY.. AGAIN!

Runaway from Doctor

At the time im writing this, 7.55pm, it’s drizzling out there. I just reached home. My heart is till pounding so hard. It feels like popping out from my ribs.

The reason is.. I just went to the clinic. If you still remember, I once said that some part of my body is itchy. Some part which is too sensitive. It started in mid-May when I came back Penang for my sememster break. At first, I thought the itchiness is normal. But then when I sweat, It becomes itchier. Then, slowly, it spreads around. The wound becomes bigger. My skin becomes red. I have to always scratch n scratch n scratch. GATAL ma. My skin is peeling off. It becomes so sensitive. Sometimes it bleeds. It’s so irritating because it’s so itchy when I sweat. It’s so uncomfortable.

I’m not sure what’s the cause of it. Allergy? Or something else? So finally after 6 MONTHS, I went to the clinic in Pulau Tikus. Clinic Ev*ng*l. Heard of it? There was no any patient there besides me. I brought my sister along. When I register, the nurse asked me what sickness. I said itchy. She asked where. I said my body. I felt so uncomfortable with her questions. Then she asked whole body is it. I said no, just some parts la. I’m not gona tell her where I feel itchy! Anyway the nurse is very friendly. She asked me a lot of question about myself. she said being a journalist is good. I said got pros n cons la. She asked me to study hard and be a obedient son.

Ok… after a long chat, the nurse asked me to go in. The doctor looks like a Singh but he has some weird name. I don’t know what is he. So this doctor, asked me many questions again. what I do. Where I study. What course. Where I stay. Bla bla bla. The irritating part is I have to repeat my answers at least thrice. He has hearing problem la! ayooo!

After the nurse left us, I told the doctor, my sickness is something very personal. Private. So I told him what happened. I explained the symptoms. It’s not easy ok. The sickness im having is unusual. Then he asked me to sit on the bed. He pulled the curtain and he asked the nurse to stay away. Fuh.. my heart was beating damn fast. I can’t tell you how afraid I was. I was so freak out and I was shivering. He asked me to show him. Yea show him!! So what to do. I have to la. I pulled up my shirt and I showed him…not all! I cover cover a bit. This is the very first time some stranger is seeing it. Grrrhhh!

I’ve lost my JANTANNESS!

He asked me when did it happened. I said since May. He kept asking me the same ques. So I changed my answer to ‘6 months already.’ He still asked me the same questions for many TIMES. His ears really got problem. Then he got shocked why now only I went to see him. Hmmm.. I was scared and shy. I thought it will cure by itself.

Guess what the doctor wana do to it. He said ‘INJECT, APPLY CREAM AND TAKE MEDICINE.’ I was like what??!!! INJECT?!! Not on my hand but my BUTTOCK!! Ouch!! No way. Im afraid of needle. PAINFUL la! I asked the doctor what is the cause of it. The doctor didn’t answer me. he just said that I must put the cream n take medicine. What the tut!! Just tell me la why it happened!

Then he said after the antibiotic injection, I must come back in five days to follow up. I told him im going back to university tomoroow morning. He didn’t get what I said. He called his 2 nurses. I don’t know why. So I quickly told them that I can’t come back for follow up. the doctor said I must come back, at least let him know when.

So I went out to check when I can come back to Penang again. I’ll be very busy after I go back to Kampar. I have to submit my assignments next week then I have public competition the week after. The earliest I can come back is after three weeks. The nice nurse came out and she showed the ‘$’ sign, asking I don’t have money is it. I said no. I have RM50 with me.

After some time, I went in again. I wanted to lie to the doctor that I’ll come back again next week. You know.. maybe he won’t give me so many tablets and I don’t have to pay that much. But before I tell him anything, he asked me to lie down. The two nurses were there. I was so nervous. I don’t want. I kept asking the doctor is it necessary. I told them I’m scared of needle. It’s painful. The 2 nurses said no, it’s not. Then he said I have to pay RM120. Er.. ok.. so fast tell me how much it costs. Sadly I only have RM50. I told him and I showed him my RM50 note. The doctor was so speechles. I asked him not to worried. I said I’ll get the injection because it’s a must. The doctor asked me to go get $. I agreed and I said I’ll come back.

I walked out from the room. My sister kept asking me since we reached the clinic, what’s wrong. Why I went to see doctor? What doctor said? Why the doctor never give me any medicine. Etc etc etc. I didn’t tell her anything. I lied that I got stomachache. I don’t want her to know anything. And most importantly I don’t want my parents to know.

After a long thought, I came home. I didn’t go to get $ from the bank. I’m afraid of needle. I’m phobia to it. And I feel RM120 is just too expensive. It’s just an allergy afterall. I didn’t go to Government Hospital (GH) because I thought clinic won’t be that expensive. I don’t have time to wait for the long queue in GH and Im not convinced with GH.

Im waiting for the nurse to call me. she must ne wondering why I didn’t go back to the clinic. I didn’t pay a cent..yet. you know.. consultation fee. No, I’m not going back there. I’m scared. Just let it be lah. If the doctor is so desperate for consultation fee, come and find me la. he has my address and phone number.

Someone called me just now at 8.40pm. The number is from a house number. It’s from Digi. I didn’t pick up. who knows it’s the doctor. Sorry la im scared la.

Im kind of worried right now. I lost my appetite to eat. What if it’s more then allergy?

‘She’ asked me to go and check last month. You know..it might be some diseases..

haih...

Shit! i forgot to ask my sister not to tell my parents that we went to the clinic.

tata!

a long sleep

oh gosh! i just woke up! i thought it's already 6am 7am. no it's 9am!

i have been sleeping since 2pm just now. there gone again another day without doing the things that i wanted to do. aih..

i wanted to post something to someone n it's super urgent but i didn't. i wanted to check my schedule and finish up the unsettled things because i want to go to KL tomorrow but i didn't.

it was raining at 3pm just now. i know because i woke up blur-blur n i slept again.

i had a dream. a bad one.. kinda freaky. my heart was pumping so fast. i can feel that i was gasping for air while im sleeping. ok.. i dreamt of her. i tried my very best to recall what is it but i couldnt. i forget everything...in just a blink of eye. i just remember she appeared in my dream. i saw her. we talked. she said smtg to me...

that's one of the reasons i woke up. she's no more with me but now she appears in different form. i guess i was thinking about her before i sleep that's why she came.

i shall go out and get some food for my lunch n dinner.

anyway i've finished selecting the photos of the UTAR students drowned in the waterfall incident. should i post it here n in Facebook? many people ask me to show the pics. but im afraid that some people would be angry and condemn my action. so people how??