excerpt from Cinta

"Kalau kita nak, mesti ada cara kan?"

This is an excerpt from my favorite local Malay movie Cinta produced by Kabir Bhatia in year 2008. The excerpt actually means when there's a will, there's always a way.

Well, why suddenly i choose to post this thing huh??

In life, we'll stucked at somewhere and we don't know what to do. Even if we know what to do, we'll be in dilemma whether our decision is correct or not.

What i can say is, if we want something, there must always be a way. It's like if you wana get good resuts in your exam, then you have to put effort and study hard. There's always solution to a problem.

Cinta, one of the best Malay movies ever produced and it makes me go teary when i watched it. Nice storyline and superb soundtracks by Malaysian best artistes.

Watch it if you have the chance. Who says Malay movie is bad huh?? Don't be sceptical and stereotype. Wait till you watch movies byt Kabir Bhatia, Afdlin Shauki, KRU, Amir Muhammad and Pierre Andre.

The below video is the final part of the film Cinta.

http://youtu.be/Bi2L1__1_6A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bi2L1__1_6A&feature=related

QUOTE of the day

If you keep worrying and scared of getting bad results, then start working and work extremely very hard to get good results.

WASTE NO MORE TIME!

flash flood in Kampar

April 29 - Kampar is flooded again today for the second time in my 3 years of studies in UTAR Kampar. The first flood happened on April 10 but it's not as worse as today's flood.

The super heavy downpour started after 5pm and lasted for more than 1 hour with deafening thunders and discolight lightning. The scenario was like a war scene in Iraq. wooo scary right?!

Westlake Homes for UTAR students accomodation went blackout at 5.45pm and resumed only when the rain stopped at 7pm.

i wanted to go out to snap some shots but the rain was just too heavy. The water level rose so fast and the water poured into my house.

1 hour of heavy rain with loud thunders and disco lightning caused Kampar to be flooded. Places like Westlake, Harvard, New Town, Taman Tasik Selatan, and Taman Kampar Perdana are seriously affected. Some places were black out. More photos? Ask from UTAR students. =p
Places like Harvard, New Town, Taman Tasik Selatan, and Taman Kampar Perdana are seriously affected too. Now the biggest victims are the students where their vehicles could not start and their rooms are leaked thanks to the good construction by the profit-maker. The worst thing is UTAR students are having their finals now.

Not to forget, the shoplots in New Town also flooded. They are gona have bad time to clean the mess.

By the way, i'm really 'impressed' with Kampar. Satu kali hujan, satu Kampar tenggelam. walaueh.. the rain here so keng lo. In Penang, kalau hujan hor, at least oni few parts banjir. haha.
 
 

more photos at

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.10150166681757877.305636.599962876&l=93f760f814

Old photos of rain in Kampar: http://oce-thephotojournalist.blogspot.com/2010/04/kampar-thunderstorm-aftermath-beautiful.html

and http://oce-thephotojournalist.blogspot.com/2010/04/kampar-thunderstorm-aftermath-ugly-side.html

don't question us

Sorry, suddenly I have the urge to say this.

Don’t question why the youngsters leave the country. Don’t question why the non-Malays support the Opposition. Don’t question the patriotism of the non-Malays. Don’t question why there are still so much crimes, accidents and poverty.

Question yourselves!

The answer lies in the government itself. Look at how you treat us. Look at how your policies and decisions which only benefit certain group. Look at how corrupted and incompetent you are. Look at how you labeled us the non-Malays. Look at how racist your people are when you unashamedly talk about 1 Malaysia.  

Let me tell you, before the change of a government, many young people will leave the country. Because I too, has lost hope.

exam again

I just came back from Penang yesterday. I had enough fun. I’m so blessed this year especially the last entire week. I am overwhelmed.

It’s final exam again. This is gona be the second last exam before I graduate end of this year. Time flies like nobody’s business. Blink blink eyes kejap je dah 3 years in UTAR. Haha. I’m now in Year 3 Semester 1. Internship next semester. Come back to UTAR for last semester and byebye UTAR.

This is indeed the hardest semester ever although I’m taking only 4 subjects. These four subjects are very tough ok. Not to forget, we have internship application la, final year project la, SRC la, events la etc. and UTAR Ball belum settle lagi. Aih..

Study week not even a week. Just few days. And exam of 4 subjects in a week. This is really crazy. First paper is this Thursday. Ayoyoyo..

I start to feel nervous already. I didn’t do my best yet. I wish my friends will do well in the exam. Remember study hard. Do your best and leave no regrets. Say your prayer when you start and end your exam.

To my graduating seniors, ah, so sad la u all are leaving. Last year, Kwan Yee and friends left us, now it’s Nigel and his friends. i am so gona miss you all! Well, no matter where you are, what you do, you are still my beloved helpful and caring seniors. I’ve learnt from you all and without you all, my life in Kampar would not be that interesting. To my graduating seniors, I say thank you. All the best in your life. Don’t forget me, your cilakak junior.

A lot of nice people are leaving too. Good friends I know throughout my studies here in 3 years are graduating this semester too. Keep in touch k.

I have been listening to songs whole day. A lot of Malay songs playing in my laptop. Well, a fact that many people don’t know, I’m a big fan of Malay songs. I listen to songs from Sheila Majid, Ungu, Ziana Zain, Anuar Zain, M.Nasir, Ramli Sarip, Yuna, Ning Baizura, Sudirman, VE, Ruffedge, Aizat and so on.

I posted in Facebook “when you study, it's better if you don't on your laptop because it's so distracting. not to forget, silent ur hp n put it far far away. it's annoying and you can hardly concentrate with so many gadgets around u.”

It’s hard to live without gadgets you know. Haha. Okla got to go. I’ll see whether I can study anot. Baca-baca but kepala kenot masuk. I know I must study but itu ohhhmmph tarak la. momentum manyak low. Why har?? i duk tidur whole day. Okla2. Bye bye la. see you soon la.

Some of you need me to upload photos in Facebook right? Er.. ok.. but sabar ya. I try to upload a bit lah ok. Mau study la.

Penang, I’ll see you again after 2 weeks. =p

All the best to my friends for the final exam ya. USH USH USH

funeral

Another touching advertisement by the late Yasmin Ahmad. It's so true and honest which touches hearts of many of us. ALthough she's gone but her lagacy will stay alive forever.

mali mali homph

hahaha. i need to release some tension. found this crazy photo taken back in 2006. wah! 5 years ago leh. anyway im back in Kampar.

Jing Si Aphorisms

"Nothing is impossible if you believe it is achievable."

~ Master Cheng Yen

Hypocrite Facebook users

Hypocrite..

What a hypocrite. Such a hypocrite! I see hypocrisy of Facebook users. What a faker.

In Facebook, eventhough you don’t know a person, they will come and add you. Most of the time, I just don’t care. I let it be. I won’t approve but I won’t ignore. I don’t want them to feel hurt if I ignore their request.

The issue here is why you wana act as if you know that person and add them?

I damn pissed with people who add me and then they never show their photos, not even their profile. Then how the hell I know who are you? If your information is so valuable and high profile, then no need add anyone la. Stay in your own world.

$%^&*(*&^%$%^&$%^&*

Okok please chill OCE. Please la, if you wana add anyone, at least let people see your basic information and photos. So that they know who are you ma.. and if you are good enough, send a FB message telling that person you know them, where you guys met or just say la you wana be friends etc.

OMG! I forget to mention that some people even lie about their names. They will put those fugly silly names in their profile. Some without English names will come up with some funny English names. Some will put celebrities’ names, cartoon’s names etc.

Aduih.. people, why are you so ashame of your own name??!!!

2 months ago, a girl added me and I didn’t approve. After a day, she sent me a FB message saying that she wana know me. I was like ok.. This kind of approach to know someone is so outdated la. a lot of people using this way when I was in Form 2, back in 2002.

Ok fine. That’s not the story. After we talked in FB message, I told her that I didn’t approve her yet because I don’t know her. After a moment, she cancelled her friend request. Hahaha. Walueh hipokrit betul pompuan nih!

And you know what? I feel so amused with some people. They criticized me openly in Facebook and now they are adding me. I wonder what’s their intention. Apa so bertaubat ka? Mau balik pangkal jalan??

Now, there’s another person adding me. I don’t know who the heck is her. I looked her profile and I found something so shocking.

It says “For those who wants to add me as your friend list, can you send me a message and tell me about yourself? I have no idea who you are and I'm not interest to check your profile. Thanks.”

Zzzzz… SPEECHLESS! Please look at yourselves before you say anything ok. Tq.

Why must we add so many people? Why must you have so many so-called friends in your Facebook? Are they friends anyway? For me they don’t deserved to be called as friends at all. For me these are all fake friends. What are friends? Friends are the one that you have their contact numbers in your handphone. You know what’s their names. You know where they stay and so on.

All these FB friends will never be there when you are in trouble. Just look at your friends list. Do you know all of them? Do they help when you need help? How many of them help you?

I know it’s good to reach out and have better networks but NEVER BE HYPOCITE!

I say all this not to show how exclusive and great I am by not approving anyone. This is a social illness that we are facing now. We spend whole day on Facebook. We talk to strangers who might harm us. We expose our information to the world.

Oh anyway I’ll say it again. I am not gona approve anyone who I do not know. I won’t. you can say I’m cocky or whatsoever you want. But that is me. Take it or leave it. This semester break im gona have a FB friends cleansing.

Oh im sorry if you (who are reading this) are that kind of person.

i am teruk

I’m home in Penang.

Woohooooo!

Hahahaha. It’s fun catching up with old friend. It’s more fun talking to Dexter Khaw.

Dexter Khaw Kuo Wen, that’s the man who knows me well. He has been a loyal critiques of me for over don’t know how many years.

I am teruk.

Whenever we go out, I’ll be late and they have to wait for me. I always last minute. Besides, I always delay things. These are my suckiest weakness. I have bad time management. Because of this attitude, I face a lot of problems. My personal life is always not smooth and friendship got affected.

Dexter is not the only one who dislikes my bad time management attitude. Those who close to me know about it lah.

Hmmm..

And guess what, he remembers all my bad things but not a single good thing. I asked him why. He said “keong kan you pernah buat benda baik for me to ingat ah?”

Well, it’s a pain truth but that’s the truth. I am teruk and Dexter know knows how teruk I am. Hahah.

Im such a bad ass lah. Ayooo.. He clearly remembers that I was late for an event for 1.5 hours back in 2003.

This means perangai buruk gua dah tersemai sejak berkurun lamanya. Ayoyoyoyoyo.

Dexter also hates me when I don’t do things that I said. For me, you must have a dream. You say it out and you try to do it. If you can’t achieve it, it’s ok at least you dare to dream and try to achieve it.

Yes he is cilakak but he is the most truthful guy friend I ever had.

He’ll just speak his mind out. He speaks nothing but truth.

I always mengata orang. Criticize this and that. But he never. He’ll only criticize when necessary.

Dexter Khaw, one of the very few steady men I have ever met.

He stood by his principles all the time. He’s free from problems as he knows clearly what he’s doing and he makes almost no mistake. He’s good to friends, family and himself..

He helped me a lot a lot of times.

He is there most of the times when I needed him. That’s what a friend is. I seldom help him. Why? Because he never needs my help. He seldom needs anyone’s help.

Before I end this post, I wana say something to myself, you can achieve many things in your life. But it’s not good enough if your attitude and personality is not good enough. You must good from outside and also from inside.

the most valuable lesson

I strongly feel that the most important and valuable lesson i learnt throughout my entire life is don't be last minute and never ever delaying things that supposed to be done within a stipulated time.

i, am not ok..

UTAR Ball has taken a toll on my life.

The event is over but the mess is not over yet. I just hope as a team, everyone will bear the responsibilities together. This is our event and not my event. Don’t just quit or pin-point when we are in troubles.

A lecturer just told me that he will deduct my marks. Ok.. Yea because I didn’t do well in my coursework. I deserved that. Even if I give him what he needs now, no use already.

Oh besides that, I didn’t submit an assignment which due last week. Haha. What the fark am I doing right. It’s all my mistake. Not that I didn’t do but I can’t finish it. I slept at 4.30amon Thursday. Woke up so early on Friday and work on the ball whole day. Saturday is about UTAR Ball again.

Im living in the world of worries and insecurity every single day...

I screwed up my assignments. My studies drop like shit. I’m totally not happy with my life now.

Whenever my friends see me, they’ll ask am I ok, why am I looking down, tired and stress. They see it themselves that I am not ok.

I am really not ok.

Since beginning of March, everything seems so disorganized. Everything seems not ok.

Whenever I try to settle something, there will be sure some other things popped up to be settled. At the end, many things are unsettled.

You know.. I am tired n down. I skipped a lot of classes this semester.

I am worried. I am so so worried.

I’ve totally no mood to talk to anyone. I get angry so easily. I lost my patience when I talk to people, even people who I’m close with.

What can I do now? What should I do now? What choice do I have?

The final exam is the only way I can save myself. The only way. Please, don’t bother me with event’s problems anymore, I had enough. Just give me a break please. Let me alone. At least for these 2 weeks until I’ve done with my final exam.

PRIORITY!

Now, my internship is still in limbo. The company hasn’t reply to my lecturer. I told him that I don’t wana intern in UTAR.

He was so happy when he knew that we can intern in UTAR. What the fark man, who wants to intern in his/her university? I DON’T WANT!! Now is week 14 and no answer from the company yet. Then what should the students do? We live in fear every day, afraid that we can’t go out to do internship, afraid that we must stay in UTAR to do our internship. Can the lecturer please help us out? Please..

He’s like cincai cincai all the time. sorry la but this is how I’m feeling.

Arrrghhhhh!

Seriously don’t ask me to do anything else. I am fed up. Suddenly here not enough money, there not enough money. Must attend this meeting and that meeting. Suddenly money hilang. Suddenly have to settle some stuff and rush to university. Oh ya not to forget ongoing, continuously INCOMING CALLS, SMS, and FB NOTIFICATIONS! Halo what kind of life is this??

YES I AM COMPLAINING! GO AWAY IF YOU DON’T WANA LISTEN.

I am now giving away giving up everything in my hand for studies. Ok?

DON’T ask me for photos unless it’s necessary. Politics? Get off!

I’ll read less news, care less, totally less Facebook-ing, take less photos, sleep less, still going to eat more and STUDY!

I don’t know what’s gona happen if I flunk my final exam. NO! that’s NOT gona happen!

I am so in a mess right now. Don’t believe me? Look at the photo or you are welcome to my room. I’m not hiding anything and telling people how good I am because I am so not in a good position right now…

I.. Am not OK..

ohm...

money matters

If you ask me do I trust someone when it comes to financial.

My answer would be no.

Why no?

Why not yes?

Why must yes?

Human nature: there’s greed in everyone. When you have the chance to keep something for yourself for free, you’ll do it.

In organizing an event, sure there will be a lot of expenses. But impossible you wana claim everything right? There are things that we have to spend by ourselves to make the event a success. If every single thing also claim, then pokai la.

And when it comes to claiming, there are sure people will give fake receipts. Eh eh I wana ask, you don’t afraid that people might find out meh? You don’t afraid of your religion meh? You tak takut dosa ka? Nanti tidur tak lena, makan tak lalu, mandi tak basah and berak taik tak keluar!

When so many people have to chance to hold on to the money, fraud will happen.

When there are so much procedures and steps or bureaucracies in getting the money or passing the money, fraud also happen.

This is why we have corrupted people. Duit dah melekat kat bola mata.

I also don’t have faith in myself. But of course I control myself. I still have high discipline, conscience, ethics, moral and fear for my religion.

You take people’s money today, tomorrow you’ll lost even more.

Never do bad to others la.

Money is important.

Money can be everything.

But conscience is always above money.

Mini Thaipusam? Many people don’t know about this celebration. We only know the real Thaipusam in the month of January or February.

Mini Thaipusam or the real name is Chithirai Pournami. It is actually the 1st Full Moon of Tamil Calendar. As usual, there’ll be people carrying milk pot and kavadi.

I missed Thaipusam this year, as in not carrying kavadi and no piercing and I feel not good about it.

Mini Thaipusam is today and few days ago I planned to go for it but I can’t because yesterday is UTAR Ball. I need to be on vegetarian and stuff.

But now, the urge is there for me to at least go and have a look and pray. When I wana do something regarding religion, I’ll do it. It’s not good when you say and when you think you wana do something religious but at the end you didn’t.

It’s all about your faith.

I still don’t feel good about UTAR Ball because there are many problems to be settled.

It’s ok.. let me go pray first.

i'll be on vegetarian today.

Teluk Intan here i come.

Nothing and no one I can count on to now except for religion.

At least religion is true, religion will never lie on me.

biggest mistake in my life

I just made the biggest mistake in my life.

Instead, I made it few months ago, in 2010.

If I ever persevere, stick to my principle, all these wouldn’t happen.

I never wanted UTAR Ball. NEVER! UTAR Ball, ball night, events, entertainment, girls, party are never in my mind. That’s not the reason why I joined SRC.

My biggest mistake was I accepted explanation and persuasion from Dr Teh and support and agreement from my own committee.

It was a mistake. It is a mistake.

It’s all my fault. I’m a weak leader.

This is the biggest defeat in my life.

Yes we managed to pull it through. We have to change the venue from Tambun Lost World to Kampar Club. Majority of the people who came were extremely happy. They were partying crazily, screaming, and enjoying themselves to the max. They were laughing all the way and it’s a good thing because that’s the point of continuing this event.

While they were enjoying themselves, I was standing there at one corner, looking at them while my mind at somewhere else, thinking, cracking my head on how to solve the financial problem.

I am totally not feeling happy. People are laughing happily but my tears are flowing, heart aches bitterly to the max.  

Fingers will soon be pointing to one direction, to me.

I just hope that miracles will happen.

I just hope that I won’t be alone.

Actually why am I so sad? Yea I already made a big mistake by allowing this event to takes place ever since from January 2011. But I’m even more sad when there’s trouble, everyone is running away. Many people are quitting. Many fingers are pointing to me and I’m talking about my own committee members!

Like Hong Leong said, the lesson is I must be firm. I must dare to make my decision as a chairman and all will have to follow my words.

Yea it’s ideally that way but in reality, that scenario can never happened in the team.

Throughout the whole event, I got to see more of the real faces of people. Some people have their wn agenda. Some people are taking advantage of the networks, financial, friends, girls, reputation etc.

And some, they really put their heart and mind into making this event a success. In this group of people, those who really worked as I observed, are the innocent ones.

I thought after tonight, I’ll be free but no. There are damages that have to be repaired. There are messes to be cleared. There are debts to be paid.

Despites all the obstacles and problems we faced, we made it happened. I must thank all the committee members, helpers, sponsors, performers, university, Sahara, Kampar Club, participants and friends. Thanks a lot.

Thanks to the 4 committee members and 6 helpers who stayed back till the end, till midnight to clean up. Thanks to the girl who said this to me, “May God bless you.”

Thank you. Yea I know the god has been blessing me and I don’t ask for anything more. Hope you guys will be blessed as well.

I am gona silent my phone and sleep till God knows what’s the time. I’m not gona pick up any calls or reply any sms-es.

I..made the biggest mistake in my life.

*It’s easy to avoid responsibility than to bear responsibility.

the show must go on

hmmm.. UTAR Ball 2011?

It’s very ironic. Top guns keep telling me as a chairman you don’t have to do anything, you just observe, monitor and do some surveillance. Ok.. that’s totally different from what I’ve been practicing. I still helped what I can and what I know. But when there’s problem. Every finger is pointing at me. Mouths are telling that I didn’t do anything and I NEVER help my committee. Hmmm.. ok.. these two statements are so contradict. It’s not easy to be at the top. You can’t please everyone you know.

It’s human nature..

When you make mistake, people only look at your mistake and nothing else. Your track records are nothing because you already made a mistake and people will remember your mistake.

Many people out there, as normal will give their point of view but they don’t know what’s going on inside. Only inside people know the truth.

A lot of top guns in the committee said they can do this and they can do that, but at the end of the day, only a few of them and only the talked less people did the amazing things. For those who talked big, now they kept quiet. Sometimes they put they blame on others. As for me, I made a mistake by not putting 100% effort in it.

I chose to just listen and I won’t put the blame directly to any specific person. I make mistakes and I admit it. For those in denial, let it be.

my stomach is kacau again since few days ago. im tired but couldn't sleep because of the pain. what the toooot la.

 While the Sarawak people are fighting for a change, I will be fighting to make a good UTAR Ball despite all the hurdles the committees have to face.

We are fighting here in Kampar to give a good show.

The show must go on!

I just have one hope tonight. Please no rain.

Thank you.

vote for CHANGE in Sarawak

i remember clearly a day before March 8 2008 election, it's like a sea of bloody red with thousands of people wearing red were flooding Han Chiang School, Penang despite the pouring rain. Now it's the same thing happening again a day before Sarawak State Election. The wave of change is now in Sarawak? we'll see tonight.

I hope there will be a change. It's time for Sarawak people to have a change. vote for change!

People are no longer that passive. They are no longer that scared. They know their rights and they know what to do now.

i can't wait to see the results tonight.

I can't wait to see Taib down, i can't wait to see BN down. Give Opposition a chance.

All the best to PKR, DAP, PAS and SNAP.

away..

This is gona be a very long long post..

Thoughts keep pouring in. yea it’s like the rain pouring non-stop. My body is tired but mind is still working.

I’ll be away..

Away..

I’ll be away.. away from communication with people. Away from talking to people. Away from making any comments and expressing myself. I’ll be away.

From now onwards, I I shall try my best not make any statements in Facebook anymore. I’ll just use my blog as FB, post my thoughts and opinions. Well, at least when I use my blog, not much people will notice it. I can even store what I said here. I have more freedom and I don’t have to be worried people will give crazy comments.

I am tired.. everyone is tired too.

I put away everything for this event. Like others, I sacrificed as much time, effort, money and energy as I could. Last year in December, I said to the ex-chairman and the team that this event must be done greatly and properly if not all our efforts all this while to clean the name of SRC will be destroyed. I said our name is at stake, our reputation is at stake and we couldn’t let that happen. This is a very risky event.

But now everything is macam taik. I screwed up my studies and assignments. I have no time for myself. My relationship with friends got affected. I lost a lot of opportunities in life. I have to give up many things because of this UTAR Ball.

I need some rest..

I am not running away. I just need time for myself. I’ll bear the responsibilities as the chairman because I am the chairman. When my team has problem, I should always support and back them up no matter what.

The whole event taught me a lot of things. I’ve seen a lot of things from my eyes, but most importantly from my heart..

I learnt to know more about human beings. I’ve learnt so much, much more in these 3 weeks than in my 20 years of life.

One of the lessons I learnt, don’t be last minute in decision making. If not, you die, die badly. what i mean here is, if you already make up your mind, don't change it last minute due to pressure or influence from people.

And don’t trust anyone so much. Most importantly, one must be firm in decision-making.

I also noticed that when there are troubles, people will escape. Hmmm.. Aren't we supposed to support each other?

well, i guess it's true what one of the HOD told me: it's human nature.

The event is definitely not the best perhaps the most sucks one but I guess I have one of the best experiences in my life.

Only the inside people know what actually going on throughout the whole event. As for the outsiders, they deserved the right to be angry. What I wish is that everyone tries to calm down and understand the whole situation instead of continuing scolding, blaming, condemning and insulting us. The fact is not gona change.

Things already happened. No point blaming anyone.

Reputation? Image? Good name? bla bla bla.. for me, it’s important but it’s not the most important thing after all. If you have good record, people know it. If you work hard you can have good reputation too. Reputation and be earned back if we work hard.

No matter what decision we make now, our reputation will be tarnished. This is an unchanged fact. Whatever you do now also people marah. You cancel, people marah. You postponed people also marah. You change venue people also marah. So marah la but the show will goes on! For sure, we can never continue in Tambun because of the 20k deficit.

No matter what, I’ll just ends off what I’ve started. Do or don’t do, the results are gona be the same. So why don’t give it one last shot, give it another chance and do or best? It’s better to try to do and die than to die and never try at all. Everyone in the team has done their best, did all they could. So I’ll give my best for the event despite all the unhappiness and criticisms. I don’t wana regret later on.

After this event, I’ll do what I like to do. I’ll eat what I like to eat. I’ll go wherever I like to go. I’ll say whatever I like to say in my blog. Like it or not, I’ll be who I am. Afterall, who are we to decide what people wana think of us?

I’ll be as low profile as possible. I never wish to get appreciation or recognition from anyone for my works or talents or knowledge or whatsoever things I can deliver. I do it willingly. I do it cuz I can and cuz I wana contribute.

This is most probably gona be the very last event im gona do. I don’t belong to this kind of community. For smaller events, I was a lone ranger. People don’t share what my principles, beliefs, ideologies and ideas. Normal la.. so I’ll just do my own things, do it myself and no need to put others in.

I never have such defeat before. This is the first time and the biggest one.

And most importantly I won’t involve in anything anymore. I’m not good and I’m not capable at all. There are so many people who are 10 times better than me. I’ll only screw up things. I’ll just be an observer and help out when needed.

Sorry for everything from A to Z. if you feel I made mistakes in any ways, I’m sorry. Thank you too everything good things that you have done to me and to the team. You have worked your ass off, putting too much efforts with sleepless nights plus the time and money you spent.

There’s no way I can repay everyone’s good deeds. What I can do is to pray and wish to the religion that i believed in that you’ll be blessed, healthy always and success in your life. I believe good people will have good repay.

Thank you also to everyone who's still with us, supporting us and continue their participation in this event.

Thank you again to everyone for all your help. Thanks to friends who care. Thanks to those who try to understand me and the whole situation. Your words of encouragement do make the difference.

It’s all my fault la. If I chose to end it 1 month earlier, the damages won’t be as great as now. There will be less people affected. But every decision comes with a price right. Anything can happen. Life is not always that beautiful.

I just can’t wait for Saturday night because after that I am free. I can get away and runaway.. after this I can be a normal student again. I can focus on my studies, on my personal lives and things that I enjoy to do.

Well, I should stop here now. If not I can continue to rant and talk and talk till tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow cuz I still have a lot in my mind.

Have a good rest la everyone as we have to finish our task nicely tomorrow. I need to go now as I’m going to puke anytime soon..

* lone ranger is good. =p

YOU are quoted

When we need a magic and the magic is not there; We'll become the magician and create our own magic.

~ Raymond Goh
~ 15/4/2011
~ via FB

happy new year

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Happy Vasakhi to the Sikhs.

Happy Tamil New Year to the Indians.

Happy Vishu New Year to the Malayalees.

and Happy Songkran Festival to the Thais.

YES YOU CAN

A smile can make up your day. A loud shout can take away your nervous, worries and stress. A simple message can motivate you. A physical or a virtual hug can make you calm down and loved. A scolding can boast your confidence. anyway, YES YOU CAN!

It's not about whether you can or cannot. It's not about whether you have to do it or not. it's about whether you want it or not. If you want it, then do it. Go all out, do all you can. Make your choice a worth one. DOn't regret later. YES YOU CAN! YES! YOU CAN!! YOU CAN!!!

SET YOUR MIND, PUT YOUR HEART, HAVE FAITH, NEVER HAVE DOUBTS, BE POSITIVE, GO ALL OUT, DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY.

YES YOU CAN!

wohooo! alright to boast up my confidence and make myself happy, i need to get an ice cream now! yes i can get an ice-cream! =p

QUOTE of the day

When stupid people ask stupid question ,we just act stupid. If we answer, it’s gona be a stupid answer and we gona be like a stupid person. So, don't be stupid.

messy

EVerything is messy like the lines and colors in this photo. Im feeling stress and tired as well. when i close my eyes, my mind is till running here and there. nice sleep? never! Physically tired. that's ok. Physicals can heal. But when the mind is tired, it's hard to continue working.

My room is messy. i hardly have time to really clean it.

My mind is messy. too many things to think and too many things to do at the same time.

my assignments are messy. 2 more presentations and 1 written report.

hmmm.. messy messy. is your life messy?

well, everything can be messy but not your life.

YOU are quoted

dear leaders, make sure whatever you say it out from your mouth is GOLD and make sure you walk your talk and make whatever you say happen. be dependable and not like pure politicians where all your words are empty promises without any actions.

~ Jason Yeah
~ 9/4/2011
~ via FB

Giving Dana

Many people prefer to give money to help others. But for me, money is not everything although it’s important. I prefer to buy food for the needy ones or lend them a hand. I think that’s more meaningful. And when I do that, I feel a maximum satisfaction out of it. You just feel awesome and contented when you get a smile from them, even if they don’t say thank you.

Well, just now early in the morning I went to Kampar Old Town’s foodcourt to give Dana to two Theravada monks from a nearby temple at Temoh. Dana is actually a Pali word. It’s an act of giving to others. It does not mean that you give only material things that cost money. For you can give many immaterial things as well. (http://www.mahindarama.com/e-library/dana-vis.htm#1). Dana is an act of loving-kindness and non-selfishness. You’ll earn a lot of merits from it. And it’ll improve your karma. But when you give dana, never expect to get something in return. Doing charity or volunteerism must always come from a sincere and honest heart. Dana is not meant only for monks but for non-monks as well.

This was actually my second time doing dana. I did my first dana last year, alone. The monk will only come every Friday morning and left by 8.30am. I’ve always forgotten about this event. Not that I am lazy you know.. I really lupa. Furthermore, I’m lazy to wake up early when I don’t have class on Friday.  Thx to Poicia, she’s the one who reminded me and ajak me to do dana this morning.

So I went there around 8am. I was late, just a little bit late. Yea just a little bit late. But Poicia gave her dana already. I was like huh so fast?? It’s not like very urgent, why they wait for me. Hmmm.. but then I realized well, I was late. Whether late for a minute or an hour, it’s still late. Late means late. When you are late, you’ll miss a lot of things. I regret. I regret for being late. I regret for not being discipline waking up on time. I regret for procrastinating. Don’t ever be late la.. no use to regret because it’s already over and it has happened. Big loss..

Anyway, a lot of people especially the locals buying food for the monks. True Theravada monks never beg for money or sell amulets. They only accept food. I was in dilemma because I don’t what to buy to them. I remember Kwan Yee said that it’s better to buy dried food so that it can last long. She also told me to buy food that has no colouring. So at the end, I bought them a papaya and wheat bread. Both also good for health ma. =p

People, giving is always better than receiving.

Do more dana la…

It's another good awesome day! =p

QUOTE of the day

Winning or losing is just about your mindset. You can be announced as a loser but you can walk away as a winner.

problem talking with a 'holy' man

It is a BIG problem when you talked to a so-called 'holy' person or a person who's so 'religious'. These people will never accept and cannot accept opinions from others. For them their religion is the best. Aih.. And i always sakit hati gunung berapi mau meletup talking to them. Not that i don't accept their religion but i just can't accept their mindset.

I found an old friend from primary school and he's a teacher now. I was so shocked that he has changed to that kind of person. Well, i don't feel comfortable talking to him as i feel he's very intimidating and scary. I don't like i when people try to convert me.

You see, all teh religions are right and pure, it's the people who are dirty, corrupted and go nuts.

Below are the converstations between us in Facebook. Ianya dalam bahasa Melayu. Kalau tak faham, gunalah Google Translate. Semoga ia dapat membantu mentranslatekan apa yang perlu ditranslate denagan translation yang betul.

Friend: Pengalaman menjalankan program perkampungan orang asli: waktu solat berjemaah di bilik...mereka memerhatikan di luar tingkap...moga mendapat petunjuk dan hidayah dari belenggu animisme.


Me:  belenggu aninisme? erm.. saya rasa kita tidak patut mengongkong atau cuba menyekat pemikiran dan cara hidup serta kepercayaan kaum lain. setiap kaum mempunyai kepercayaan mereka dan kita harus menghormatinya. Orang Asli tidak pernah dibelenggu aninisme tetapi hidup secara harmoni dan menghormati alam. adakah kita yang kononnya lebih memahami agama ini lebih taqwa taat dan memenuhi ajaran agama masing-masing? tepuk dada usah tanya selera. tanyalah iman tanyalah diri.


Friend: kawanku, dalam konteks ini saya tidak dapat membenarkan 100% apa yang diluahkan...bagi kami umat Islam, jalan ke pintu syurga menurut kaca mata Islam hanya satu iaitu melalui Islam itu sendiri malah dengan tegasnya saya berani katakan Islam... adalah cara hidup yang mesti dipunyai oleh semua makhluk..sebab itu saya mahu membebaskan pemikiran animisme kerana fitrahnya manusia hidup bertuhan dan kerana Dialah yang menciptakan segala-galanya...Hidup beragama juga mengajar kita akan kepatuhan dan tunduk kepada yang Maha satu bukannya pada Matahari, pokok, awan, lautan dan angin yang merupakan sebahagian unsur nikmat yang dikurniakan Allah kepada hambaNya...Soal menyatakan ketaqwaan dan keimanan bukan urusan kita..Jika manusia diberi kebebasan untuk menghukum ketaqwaan dan keimanan seseorang maka rosaklah dunia...saya tidak mahu menyekat pemikiran atau kepercayaan masyarakat lain, walaubagaimanapun ia merupakan tanggungjawab kami sebagai Islam yang akan dipersoalkan akan peranan kami di dunia dalam menyampaikan kebenaran...Tidak berguna kita beriman dan bertaqwa sekiranya yg sedikit itu tidak kita sampaikan maka diazab jualah kita...kami hanya sekadar menyampai risalah para nabi-nabi terdahulu..terpulang kepada masyarakat untuk menerimanya. Islam juga tidak pernah mendesak seseorang itu menerima Islam...carilah buku tentang bagaimana dan kenapa umat Islam perlu berdakwah dan kisah nabi terdahulu...Semua persoalan akan terjawab. Saya terbuka dalam hal ini.Harap perkara ini akan menjernihkan segala yg keruh.

Me: secara ringkasnya setiap individu mempunyai agama dan kepercayaan masing-masing. setiap agama mempunyai ajarannya masing-masing. dari cara percakapan sahabat, adakah saudara bermaksud agama Buddha, Kristian dan Hindu itu agama yang salah? Saudara bagaikan ingin merekrut bukan Islam untuk masuk Islam. Bagi saya ini adalah tidak patut jika seseorang itu telah beragama. Jangan secara sewenang-wenangnya melemparkan tuduhan melulu, tidak bernas secara membuta tuli bahawa seseorang itu dibelenggu aninisme. Atas dasar dan landasan apa didakwa mereka ini dibelenggu? Ini adalah satu penghinaan buat mereka. Walaupun saya bersetuju Islam agama yang baik dan suci tetapi adalah salah jika kita tetap dengan pendirian bahawa agama kita adalah yang terbaik dan agama yang lain tidak. Agama mengajar kita untuk berbaik-baik dan menghormati antara satu sama yang lain. Peranan sebagai umat kepada agama tertentu dengan bertindak terlalu ekstremis dan konservatif hanya akan mendatangkan musibah daripada keamanan. Lihat saja apa yang berlaku di negara asing di mana pertumpahan agama berlaku apabila penganut dua agama bertarung untuk menunjukkan kekuatan dan kebenaran agama masing-masing. Kalau suatu hari nanti, seseorang terbuka hatinya untuk menerima agama tertentu, ini bermakna dia telah menerima hidayahnya. Tidak perlu mereka dipaksa dan tidak perlu ditukar agama mereka dengan cara 'brainwash' atau gertakan. Saya menghormati agama Islam, saya ingin memahaminya dengan lebih mendalam lagi dan saya juga berharap saudara boleh berbuat perkara yang sama terhadap kami yang bukan Islam. Setiap orang ada kebebasan beragamanya. Saya tidak perlu masuk Islam untuk ke syurga kerana saya serta sahabat-sahabat bukan Islam yang lain juga mempunyai syurga kami sendiri. Treat others as you would like to be treated. ini hanyalah pandangan peribadi saya.

sun has set

Photo taken from Golden Path,Kampar, Perak at 7.07pm 3/4/2011

QUOTE of the day

In every community, there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart, there is the power to do it.
~ Marianne Williamson

sunday super talkative

Argghhh! Why random thoughts keep pouring in non-stop! Ayoyuoyo! It makes me talk non-stop nia. I’m fed up with my own FB cuz I always see my name. ish. Im so super talkative today. anyway i love Kampar. why so? the rain is beautiful, even the hot sunny burning day also has its own beauty.

For those who are arguing about the alleged Anwar Ibrahim’s sex video, stop it lah. I’m so fed up already. Everyone is so irritated and irked. I seriously feel like vomiting now. Why the whole country and the politicians keep repeating the same issue. Trust me or not, it’s a sex issue and it’s to bring a politician down. Aduih, don’t make a joke here and give unnecessary promotion and publicity for our country. Other people from other country don’t even have energy cuz no money no electricity, everyone is suffering from poverty and disaster but you politicians waste time and money talking bullshit talking cock. You no cock want to talk cock is it??

anyway, Never ever do evil. If not, your guilt will haunt you forever. Win with right and fair way. Don't cheat. Sekali tersilap langkah, musnah segala-galanya.  

more than words

I'm touched and honoured when someone special said something so motivating, appreciating and true and yet insinuating.

She said:

You are a person with confidence. If not, how can you be SRC president? You are afraid of nothing. Anything also you’ll do. You explore everything. You bokiasi.

Well, i guess it's kind of true the part where she said im confident.

Thanks Tze Huey. xoxox