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Sunday, 13 September 2009

The Devil Strikes Again

oh god! why is this happening? Why again? and why at this time when I should be focusing on my final then worrying about my mum and siblings safety?? It must be so serious. If not my grandparents won’t come and try to settle it. But as usual, my mum n us will be BLAME. Dad is never wrong.

Im so shocked and sad. Try to imagine someone big in size and hit another person. Try to imagine the impact. My mum always wake up at 6.30am and fetch sister to school. My dad didn’t even fetch her when it’s raining! My mum has to wear raincoat, cover my sister with jacket and send her to school.

What my dad said is totally not true. It’s an accusation. Purely accusation. My mum never instigate any of us. My mum never asks us not to go to grandma’s house. she always ask us to drop by. During last school break, my sister slept there for a week. Dad always want us to go to his parents’ house but never want us to go my mom’s side. my brother is weak is studies. So what’s the problem of taking tuition? My dad always scold him for not going to tuition but when he does, my dad says different thing. My mum subsidize half of the tuiton fee. My brother even dropped a few subjects so that the fee won’t be that high. Yes he is lazy and always play around. But don’t twist your words.

My mum has done a lot and so much for this family. She’s the one who handle and maintain the family welfare. She’s still working. My dad’s monthly allowance for her is totally not enough! Crap! How can rm500 fed 4 persons for a month?! My mum travels 30mins on bike to her work place everyday. She’s uneducated. She cant work in office. She’s just a cashier in a chinese coffee shop. She sells products from Tupperware. In the weekend, she opens a stall to sell Tupperware. But I’m still proud of her. why at this middle age she still do all that? Because my sister is still young. Because she loves us.

My dad doesn’t want my brother to further study in college. My dad forced my brother to take up Form 6. My brother is not the study material. We all know that. If my brother screw up Form 6, he’ll wasted his 2years and end up no qualification to enter any universities at all. My mum never asks him not to further studies. Me, my mum, my aunties, my uncles have been telling my dad the consequences of going to Form 6 but he just couldn’t understand. So at the end, my mum made a decision to let my brother study in this culinary institute and willing to pay for his studies. My brother tried so hard to talk to my dad. I objected at first for my brother to study at that instititue because I feel it’s low class. I want my brother to go to KDU or Taylor’s. I even agreed to use my PTPTN money for my brother. My mom refused. I know money is the prob. My brother and I are not in good terms since secondary school but I love my brother.

Im proud of my sister. She’s only 9 year old, Standard 3 but since Standard 1 she started to surf the internet. When I came to Kampar, she chat with me in English through MSN although she’s from Chinese school. She cakap banyak and she realli know how to think. She’s been protecting us when my dad beat us. I love her so much and I really want her to be someone someday to the society.

Im fucking fed up with all this. That’s why sometimes I never want to go back to penang! I just wana run away from all this. Im too angry. So what if u raised us up? Does it means u can treat us badly?? No! we’ve grown up. We are not like little kids anymore. we know how to think. We know what is good for us. We know who treat us nice and who doesn’t. I acknowledged your sacrifice on this family. It’s your responsibility. I appreciate what you have done but..

I’m totally against child abuse and domestic violence. I went through it. I know how it feels. I hate people who use vulgar words. I don’t want to be a son who charged his father in court. What if one day I have to…

I guess I shouldn’t go travel to neither Cambodia or Sarawak this year. I should save up money for my family. What is one day something bad happened? Who’s gona take care of my sister? And now im thinking really hard whether I wana go back for Raya break this 18-22/10. Maybe I should so that I can protect them.

If one day you have a family, remember, money is important but it’s not everything. Take care of your family with love but not money. Money without love is nothing. learn the right way to show your love. Violence can never solve a problem. Love them..

I know I should’t blog at this time but I need to let my feeling out. I need to talk to someone. i can’t talk to her. my hp is run out of credit. I don’t want her to feel im immature. I was having a nap actually but I was waken up by this bad news.

- anonymous author


  1. Hello, I understand what is your feeling right now. Sometimes, we are really can’t control something from happen. I am middle person so that I don’t want to comment more on this matter some more it is your family issue. So, I just want to say that you must stand firmly and try to fulfill your responsibility as a student and try hard to achieve your goal in your life. Your success is a very big reward that you can give to your mother. Your success will become her life long happiness and your success as well can solve all your problems. So don’t worry everything will be all right, concentrate on your studies ok…..All the best for your exam.

  2. Hi, I have been following your updates for quite some time. Am really shock to find out your family background. Glad you shared it. But think of the positive side, with what you have experienced, you will remind yourself for not having your children to suffer the same fate. As for your mum, I pray that what she has done for you all will be much rewarded in any ways, and I wish her the best. She must be very proud of you and your siblings.