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Wednesday, 6 May 2009

thoughts of the night

hi! long time no see.. hie..

it's so quiet tonight 5th may 2009. yea its over 12am d bt its still 5th because i havent sleep yet.

i can't sleep. im not sleepy. im bored. i feel so lonely tonight. i feel so empty.

im not happy. i don't know why...

being here in UTAR, Kampar for 4months, i feel tonight is one of the most lonely night i've ever had.

i feel like im alone in this world. where is everyone. where is the one i loved and the one who loves me? i need someone to talk to.. someone to lend me his/her shoulder.. someone to hug with..

i miss my friends. i miss my family. i miss my gf. i miss my teachers. i miss my enemies. i miss the moments when everyone's eyes were on me. i miss the feeling on stage. i miss being number 1. i miss the pride and the priceless praises from people i know n i don't know due to of my achivements. i miss penang's smell. i miss my mum's cooking.

u noe wat.. i hate myself. im regret of the tings i did and i didn't do.

how i wish i can turn the clock around and be given a chance to fix things.

i am OH CHIN ENG. i am who i am. u noe me. this is me. me is me.

me myself sometimes is likeable and sometimes is annoying too. im just like you, my friend, a human being. i have many weaknesses. i make ppl hapi. i make ppl sad.i am sad. sad for unknown reasons. perhaps there are too many reasons that i dun even notice one.yea i am emotional. yes yes.. i noe. yea and sensitive too. what the hell rite?? okla n also obsessive. come on! what else?? procastinate! u r damn right. what?? bossy?? ok two thumbs up! chin eng is an idealist but he's realistic too.

i always think. i think too much. i think most of the time. my mind just cant stop thinking. i think even when im sleeping, when im peeing, when im having exam, when im eating. im thinking right now.. im thinking.. thinking what should i do next, what must i say next, what will happened if... what if.. what. what. what. la la la.

im tired of my life. serious! I AM TIRED!! i wana run away from all this. i wana be isolated far far away from the place im familiar with, from the faces i've seen.

i wana LEAVE malaysia. i wana go explore other countries. i wana meet new ppl.

i wana be BIG in size! i wana be handsome. i 1 2 be loved as much as i love the person i love. i wana say i love u n tq to my mum my dad my bro n my sis. i wana go backpacking to india, china, cambodia, indonesia. i wana go to mekah. i wana go jungle trekking at hutan belum. i wana hike mount kinabalu. i wana have good command in english. i wana compete in Amazing Race. i wana do bungee-jumping. i wana have my own photography exhibition by the age of 21! i wana get into Dean's List. i wana live with orang asli. i 1 2 protect and preserve the jungles, the forests, the greens, the old houses, the cultures, the beliefs, the religions festivals the watsoeva. i wana get married and have babies. i wana learn swimming. i wana work for AP, AFP, National Geography. i wana act in TV, i wana be on newspaper, i wana sing in a concert. i wana publish a book on my thoughts. i wana be a lawyer, an anthropologist, a historian, a politician, an activist, a reporter, and a pilot. i wana be a great debater, a great speaker. i wana donate my organs after i die.

i wana do dis. i wana do dat. i 1 2 have SUSHI now!!

arrghh! i need a rest. a long rest. a long break. i wish i won't wake up in the next morning. i wish for once i can feel the moment.

dahla! cukuplah untuk malam ini. nak blah dah.

good night my friends. see you again. love you. muax. tata.

kampar 6/5/2009 3.30am