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Sunday, 13 September 2009

The Devil Strikes Again

oh god! why is this happening? Why again? and why at this time when I should be focusing on my final then worrying about my mum and siblings safety?? It must be so serious. If not my grandparents won’t come and try to settle it. But as usual, my mum n us will be BLAME. Dad is never wrong.

Im so shocked and sad. Try to imagine someone big in size and hit another person. Try to imagine the impact. My mum always wake up at 6.30am and fetch sister to school. My dad didn’t even fetch her when it’s raining! My mum has to wear raincoat, cover my sister with jacket and send her to school.

What my dad said is totally not true. It’s an accusation. Purely accusation. My mum never instigate any of us. My mum never asks us not to go to grandma’s house. she always ask us to drop by. During last school break, my sister slept there for a week. Dad always want us to go to his parents’ house but never want us to go my mom’s side. my brother is weak is studies. So what’s the problem of taking tuition? My dad always scold him for not going to tuition but when he does, my dad says different thing. My mum subsidize half of the tuiton fee. My brother even dropped a few subjects so that the fee won’t be that high. Yes he is lazy and always play around. But don’t twist your words.

My mum has done a lot and so much for this family. She’s the one who handle and maintain the family welfare. She’s still working. My dad’s monthly allowance for her is totally not enough! Crap! How can rm500 fed 4 persons for a month?! My mum travels 30mins on bike to her work place everyday. She’s uneducated. She cant work in office. She’s just a cashier in a chinese coffee shop. She sells products from Tupperware. In the weekend, she opens a stall to sell Tupperware. But I’m still proud of her. why at this middle age she still do all that? Because my sister is still young. Because she loves us.

My dad doesn’t want my brother to further study in college. My dad forced my brother to take up Form 6. My brother is not the study material. We all know that. If my brother screw up Form 6, he’ll wasted his 2years and end up no qualification to enter any universities at all. My mum never asks him not to further studies. Me, my mum, my aunties, my uncles have been telling my dad the consequences of going to Form 6 but he just couldn’t understand. So at the end, my mum made a decision to let my brother study in this culinary institute and willing to pay for his studies. My brother tried so hard to talk to my dad. I objected at first for my brother to study at that instititue because I feel it’s low class. I want my brother to go to KDU or Taylor’s. I even agreed to use my PTPTN money for my brother. My mom refused. I know money is the prob. My brother and I are not in good terms since secondary school but I love my brother.

Im proud of my sister. She’s only 9 year old, Standard 3 but since Standard 1 she started to surf the internet. When I came to Kampar, she chat with me in English through MSN although she’s from Chinese school. She cakap banyak and she realli know how to think. She’s been protecting us when my dad beat us. I love her so much and I really want her to be someone someday to the society.

Im fucking fed up with all this. That’s why sometimes I never want to go back to penang! I just wana run away from all this. Im too angry. So what if u raised us up? Does it means u can treat us badly?? No! we’ve grown up. We are not like little kids anymore. we know how to think. We know what is good for us. We know who treat us nice and who doesn’t. I acknowledged your sacrifice on this family. It’s your responsibility. I appreciate what you have done but..

I’m totally against child abuse and domestic violence. I went through it. I know how it feels. I hate people who use vulgar words. I don’t want to be a son who charged his father in court. What if one day I have to…

I guess I shouldn’t go travel to neither Cambodia or Sarawak this year. I should save up money for my family. What is one day something bad happened? Who’s gona take care of my sister? And now im thinking really hard whether I wana go back for Raya break this 18-22/10. Maybe I should so that I can protect them.

If one day you have a family, remember, money is important but it’s not everything. Take care of your family with love but not money. Money without love is nothing. learn the right way to show your love. Violence can never solve a problem. Love them..

I know I should’t blog at this time but I need to let my feeling out. I need to talk to someone. i can’t talk to her. my hp is run out of credit. I don’t want her to feel im immature. I was having a nap actually but I was waken up by this bad news.

- anonymous author

time to stop.. for a while

Finally.. I really studied. It feels so nice.

I went to my Vivien’s house. Mirawani was there. fuh! We had lots of fun. We had pillow talk. We shared our thoughts and problems. We let our our grouses. We advised each other. We joke and screamed in the middle of the night like no one else’s business. It has been so long, for at least the whole semester since we had so much fun together.

I miss them. I love them. They understand me. they know who is Oh Chin Eng and the reasons behind my actions. I apologized for my… u noe.. all the bad silly stupid things that I did. Hehe.. I noe im bad. Sometimes only k. im sorry. And thanks for the crazy night.

Oh ya Sing Hua was there too. We took a lot of silly pics. haha.

As usual, my ‘adinda’, the girl that can never make us kering gusi and wana give her a nice tight slap, Vivien, repeat and repeat and repeat her probs. Probs that never exist. She and her ‘what if’. Think too much is not good.

No matter what, you know we love you right?? Hehe.. or I should follow what you say, “I know you love me right?”. It sounds so perasan.

One thing I learnt last night. Im REPULSIVE. Im still figuring out the meaning.

Im happy that finally i got her msg last night. As i always said, a small little action can make a big difference. =p

Around 4am only I started to really concentrate and focus on my studies. Woah! Semangat giler! This is the first time in this semester I burn midnight oil. I enjoyed it so much! my KOPI O KOWKOW really powerful la! Finally I finished Interpersonal Communication. Went back at 7.40am n slept at 8.30am woke up at 11smtg bt slept again till 1smtg.

I had murtabak for sahur. And now im damn hungry. Grrrhh! Chin Eng can tahan!

after I take my bath, reading marathon again. my classmates already reaching the finishing line, but im still in the middle, trying so hard to catch up.

This blog post will be the.. not the last of course. But I’ll control my addiction ob blogging. I wont blog or on9 that much after this la. I dun 1 2 get distracted la. OCE wants to STUDY! im sure regret if i get bad results. So it’s time to stop blogging..for a while. =p

Thx for dropping by. =p


*oppss. sorry. i misquoted my fren, Mira. hehe. it supposed to be impulsively not repulsive. hehe. din listen properly ma. =p thx mira. 27/9/09

QUOTE of the day

A little small action can make a big difference.