heart be-ruk-ken ah??

I just woke up.. I know it’s late already but I feel so sleepy larh.. I didn’t had a good night sleep. I kept waking up in the midnight. I duno y. something is bothering me I guess. Now my whole body is pain. My muscles feel like as if I just work out for 1hours.

I had a good day yesterday until the time I was going to sleep. Someone who used to be very close to me, who knows me better and so well then any other frens, who used to love me said something which I think is quite awful, saddening and offensive. In another unrelated matter, I was let down by my friends.

I didn’t want to tok about it. I din tel anyone but it’s bothering me so much. Annoying! I need to let it out. Im still heart broken.

Let’s talk about what happened between me n my friends 1st. when I was on my way to cover Majlis Berbuka Puasa by Anwar Ibrahim at a surau at Kampar Old Town yesterday around 6.45pm I met my friends on bike. 5 of them. I wondered y they are together. So I asked whr r dey going. They are heading for dinner. So I said ok I’ll join them since one of them wana have a look at Anwar. So I went to cover Anwer first. After about 30mins they reached the surau. I talked to them. I asked them to wait. I continued to take pics.

After a while, they disappeared. I was like hey I asked u all to wait for me right? I told you all that im joining u guys for dinner right? at least sms me where to meet to have dinner. If u dun 1 me to join u guys, at least inform me if u guys are leaving. I didn't know whr they are going to have dinner. They din tell me. My credit has expired. I can't contact them. Seriously im hurt. Its not that I terhegeh-hegeh wana join u people but I just feel it would be more marrier if more people since I know u guys for almost a year. i want us to be close friends again...

This is not the first time this incident happened. It won’t happened again. I’ve learnt my lesson. Im not gona ask to join them anymore… I can go eat alone. Whether u eat a lone or with ur friends, u still have to eat, u still have to fill your stomach, you wil still feel fulled, u still shit, u still sleep and you still wake up in the next day.

Now I can confidently say that I’m being left out, kick off from the group. Haha! it’s ok.. different agenda I guees. Personalities clash. Maybe I did something that offended them. I'm not angry ok. Im not. not all all. It's more to dissappointment. No matter what. They are always my friends. Muax! =p

Now the second hurtful incident. This incident affect me more then the 1st one. This happened around 2.30am when I was going to sleep. So cun she on9 at that time. Of cos I tok to her. we were toking about her friend who’s having argument with her because of her friend’s love life. I din noe wat to say about two of them because they used to be good frens. She questioned whether I support her fren. Definitely I’m not! She said at least she dare to make decision, not like her friend, everything also she wants.

I was like.. ok. Ouch. Sakitnya hati. So Proud is it with her decision to break up with me??! now nk show off la. I reali shocked n speechles. i ask her she’s so proud of herself izit? She din reply. I waited. I think she’s scared. She just said something without thinking of the consequences and people’s feeling. Arrghh! Hebat sgt ke brani nk kata break up n dump a guy??! After 10mins she still din say anyting. Fine lo! She’s speechless I guees. I changed my status to away at 2.54am. den 3.00am I went to sleep cz im sad n angry. she stil on9. I din even say bye to her. y must i. she din reply i. she said smtg yg bongkak. She said smtg hurtful.

I went to checked her msn. Stil on9. 3.03am she off9. She went off without saying bye. Haha. see.. she alwaz lidat. dh buat slh n tau org x hapi, she x kisah, takkan say sori, biarkan je, as if nth happened, wont tok abt it. im so used to it.

Aih.. just now my friends – saravani, Jessica neoh, khaw ree nee and liam kah hoe – asked why m I heartbroken. I told Jessica what happened. She so shocked that we already broke up. Wat la. Memang dah lama break up lah.. dh 3 months and 24 days and 11 hours plus plus since 13/5/2009 1.35am. I talked abt it on facebook, msn n my blog wat. It’s ok Jessica, next time I’ll call all my friends and tell them. Next time I’ll make announcement in newspaper and television.

Jessica said she’s confused with my blog. haaha! 1st time I got this comment. Maybe she’s right. I crap a lot. I write a lot. Arrhhhh! I duno.. I just write out what’s in my mind. maybe I should use only 1 language in my writing. Or maybe I shud use more serious tone.

Another friend of mine, Visha, she asked I broke up with my gf d r. haha! I just knew this girl, not so close to her. she’s saravani’s friend. People except my few close friends in uni don’t know my love life. I don’t go and tell everyone who’s my gf etc etc.

my another friend, Yeng Ai Chun said i shud move on. just move on. she said i shouldnt live in denial. break up means that the end. somehow it's true..for now..in this situation. i told her im not giving up yet. she's right u noe.. im hurting myself. bodoh betul.

love itu merimaskan. haha. u like someone, someone doesnt likes you. so? what can u do? u cannot use force in love. i rmbr that i didn't agree to the break up but hei u can't play a solo part in a relationship.

There’s this Chinese saying, ‘ku eh bo chau, sin eh beh lai’ which means new one wont comes if the old one didn’t go. it’s like if you lose smtg, you’ll get smtg to replace it.

Life is full of problems.

If u live without problems, then it’s not a life anymore. if you live without problems, then your life won’t be colourful. If you live without problems, then you’ll never grow and learn. If you live without problems, then you’ll never realised your weaknesses. If you live without problems, you won’t know the meaning of love. If you live without problems, then you won’t remember God.

So stop complaining why problems always happened. Accept and face it lah!