SHIT you OH CHIN ENG

Dah brapa banyak benda kau missed in your life? BANYAK kan? tak terkira kan? Dah brapa kali? Tak ingat apa bila dan kenapa kan? sampai bila kau nak buat kerja last minute? Sampai bila? Sampai bila kau nak tengok kawan-kawan you dapat benda yang you nak tapi tak dapat? Sampai bila u nak jeles? Sampai bila you nak mengeluh and complain? Sampai bila kau nak bersedih sebab kehilangan? You slalu nak bersedih bila dah kehilangan. But apa guna? Benda dah lepas tak mai balik. bukannya ko taktau.

Kau bukannya bodoh. Kau pandai. Kau mampu. Kau berkaliber. Kau lebih hebat daripada some of your friends. You know it yourself. You know you can go far. Apasal buat kerja bodoh?! hah! bangang! bahlol! bongek! boloh! bangla! Do something! Don’t just sit and think! But do it! Benda kalau depan mata, jangan tunggu. SAPU je.

Jangan duduk dan tunggu samapi deadline. Hang tunggu la sampai deadline sampai u r dead. Lepas tu nk buat apa dah tak sempat dah! Benda tak penting tak payah nak piker tak payah nak buat!

KAU LAMNUA, LEMBAP, PROCASTINATE, DILI DELI.

Im so damn pissed at myself n my life right now. damn! Damn me! I’ve ruined it. Geram!

But wait. I always learn from my failure. I stood up again everytime I fell. N I held my head up high.

Im proud that I did better in the first quarter of this year than last year. Although I didn’t get what I want, but I did tried my very best n I gave all out.

That’s not enough. I still missed many things that I wanted to do but I didn’t put enough efforts on it.

I BETTER CHANGE IF I WANT TO ACHIEVE WHAT I WANT. GRAB EVERY CHANCE AND OPPORTUNITY YOU HAVE! MAKE 2010 A YEAR TO BE REMEMBERED FOREVER.

sleep as if u gona die

SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!

I have been sleeping for these 2 weeks. N I sleep as if im gona die. I sleep as if im not gona wake up anymore. I had nightmaresssssssssss!! I was shivering! Then I sweat! grrrrhh!

I skipped quite a lot of classes these 2 weeks.

I really duno why I cannot wake up. I tried to but I just can’t. my body n my mind are not working. They resist my command. They never listen to what I want! They are damn LAZY! And then I got flu. I got fever. Stomach is pain again. n again!

At the end of the day, im the victim,. Im the victim for my own behaviour.

I hate myself so much for being like that.

Im stress. I freak out everytime I thought the reports I have to submit before the deadline. I tried to hide myself up but time still flies.

Something is wrong with me by the end of this semester. Presentations and midterms were ok. but now the reports part, I screw up.

I know myself that I am not ok, emotionally. I know but I can’t figure out the reason. When im outside with friends, I ok. but when im alone in my room, the dark clouds just cover my entire room n my life. I feel like i need to hug someone. A guy or a girl, it's ok. I just need a hug. A big hug. A long hug.

No, I don't miss her.

But i feel like im missing someone. The feeling of missing someone is so strong that i don't even know who's the person im missing. What the heck im talking about?!! I miss someone la but someone that doesn't exist? grrrrhhh! Home sick perhaps? Or maybe because im stress up because of assignments?

Anyway, Im glad I finished 1 report already n 2 more to go.

Everyone delays their works. Everyone procrastinates. But we must not live in it! Fight it. Overcome it.

I wish this week will ends soon. And then I wana sleep again until my final. I dun wana wake up…seriously. I dun wana face anyone. I dun wana lepak jalan-jalan. I dun wana take pics. I dun wana eat. I dun wana talk. I dun wana online. I dun wana bath. I dun wana go out form my room. I dun wana do anything at all. I just don’t want.. that’s how I feel right now.

And don’t ask me why. Cuz I don’t know why..

I need to be alone.. yes.. just to be alone for tonight. N I wont be at home tonight. N I’ll stay awake till tomorrow morning.

Oh ya! Tonight got pasar malam but im not going. Tomorrow is the last day of Sushi Bonanza! Yumyum! I WANT!! =p

'takke' ah??

Just a few minutes before 12am, my sister came to me and she asked how to say fold clothes in Bahasa Malaysia.

i didn't give much attention to her. im still mad at her i guess. then she asked again. so i said 'melipat baju'. i wondered why she asked me that all of a sudden. i hoped it was for her homework.

then i went out to the hall. she was in the room folding her clothes. i looked at her laptop. she was chatting with Vivien. she told Vivien that she's going to 'ji' baju. 'Ji' means fold in Hokkien. she asked Vivien to asked me if she doesnt understand.

i was like.. i feel bad. she always ask me smtg bcoz she need to know about smtg. n i never pay attention to her. I was like lazy to answer her questions. She still ask me although i dun wana answer her. She's the kind who'll seek for an answer by herself. She wont tell me why she ask. Yes, sometimes i got frustrated because i duno why she asks me certain things.

She calls me 'takke' which means elder brother. She talks to me more then she talks to my brother.

she loves me. i know she loves me.

i am sorry..