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Wednesday, 30 December 2009

a few drop of tears

I was lying on my bed, trying so hard to sleep. My laptop is still playing ‘You and I’ by Michael Buble. But I still cannot sleep.. I’ve been sleeping so late on this island. I slept at 7am yesterday.

Now, after I finish typing this, I think I can sleep well. Why?? Hehe.. I just talked to FELI!! Woohooo!! FELICITA FEDELIS!!  Thanks Feli.

I needed to talk to someone. Im clueless when I need to talk to someone. I have close friends, good buddies, but sometimes I don’t feel comfortable to tell them my personal stuffs. I felt lonely. I felt unfair. I cried. I don’t know why.

Of all so many close friends, I think Feli is the one that I’m so honest with. There’s nothing that I can hide from her. She knows when Im not happy. Sometimes, she’ll just pretend and wait for me to tell her what’s in my mind although she already know it. I trust her. I feel secure to talk to her. I feel calm..

She’s leaving this Saturday. I thought I’ll meet her again but no jodoh.

By the way, she's not a Chinese pun! nor a Buddhist or Taoist or Hindu. I'm ok talking to a non-Chinese. it's not an issue!

There’s something that I keep in my heart for so long. Something that is so hard to say it out. I’ve decided to just keep it as a secret. But someone else who knows it told other people.

I feel being betrayed. Can’t that person show me some respect? Can’t that person think of my feelings and my dignity? I lost friends because of that. That action has left a bad mark on my image.

So what im hiding actually? Do you still remember that I went for a blood test? Yes the blood test is the beginning of all the problems. The blood test is not just about me, but it involves other person as well.

Until this moment, I keep it as a secret. I didn’t tell anyone except God. I swear. I do all this because I respect that person. I care for her privacy. I don’t want anyone to think bad or look down on that person. No one knows what blood test I did. Why in the world all of a sudden I went to do blood test?!! i have faith in myself. I have faith with the people I trust, especially the one that meant a lot for me.. But that person never trust me…

Well, u might not get the same treatment like how you treated people.

Am I that bad huh? Tel me am I that bad??

Aku bukan nak cari publisiti murahan ok!! kalau hangpa tak suka apa I tulis, boleh blah dari blog aku. Aku sekadar ingin mencari ketenangan hidup.

I have no idea how long I can keep this all myself.

Sorry Feli for waking u up in the middle of the night. hehehe. And sorry for the troubles I’ve given you all this while.

You know I love you. =p

*if i cannot sleep, im gona miscall everyone in my hp. =p


  1. Juz stay strong n u'll find urself doing even much better than usual bcoz u know u r strong enough to face anything okie??? ^____^ Plus, best friends listen to what u don't say - miss anonymous

  2. i just read this... chin eng...
    thanks... for trusting me... realli....means a lot to me, our friendship...
    you know i love you too... take care... and you know you can kacau me anytime you want... me alwiz here... :)

  3. ala.. feli oh feli. i always trust u. u know that right? =p i'll try not to kacau u unless it's necessary la. thank you k. thank you.