me & bro, once upon a time

This is such a nostalgic photo. It's so nice to found my childhood photo with my brother. It's nicely kept in my grandmas house. It was taken at my grandma's old house in Sungai Dua.

final stay in Kampar

I’m back in Kampar again yesterday. This will be the last time I come back to Kampar for a new semester. Hopefully I can graduate by the end of this year, as it is supposed to be.

Class starts next Monday but surprisingly I’m a week earlier. What to do.. I must finish my Final Yeap Project (FYP). If not, no graduation. Besides, there are things to settle in Kampar.

My mum forced me to take pocket money from her before I left the house. I declined. I’ve been doing that for a year at least. My younger brother and my sister need the money more than me. My brother is already working and giving money to my parents but I take money from my parents? This is so wrong.

It’s ok. I can still survive with PTPTN loan. But I must be very careful with what I spend. I left with only few thousands ringgit till the end of the year. New semester always comes with bigger expenses. Money have to be used on room rental, school fees, groceries, books and notes as well as to fix the broken things such as bike and bicycle.

My brother fetched me to the jetty. Then I took morning bus which I nearly missed and reached Kampar in the afternoon. The house was in a mess as if it was abandoned for months. A war taken place in the house I guess.

It’s nice to be back. The whether was superb. It has been two days that the sky is so blue. The clouds are so thick and white. It’s so windy and at night, it’s chilling. It’s sunny but not hot at all. The weather makes me so cheerful!

My roommate, Ah Liang is back too. So nice to see him.

Anyway, once I reached Kampar, I was invited for lunch at Aunty Betty’s house. I rejected at first but after that she called. Out of respect, I went. She made very nice chicken rice. Seriously nice! Tze Huey, Cynthia and Edmund were there too.

Then it’s the housekeeping time, as usual.

Let’s see what I’ve done..

I had good food and nice bath.

Sweep and mop my room and the hall.

Unload stuffs from my luggage and begpack.

Fix my bike.

Put on bed sheet.

Clean the sinky.

Boil water.

Fold clothes.

Put on facial mask.

Arrange things in the drawer and cupboard.

I had a wonderful dinner last night with Tze Huey. My mum woke up at 6am in the morning yesterday to cook for me. She made me fish curry, omelette with onion and ikan bilis, sausages, and nuggets. I tapao back to Kampar and supposed to eat it for lunch but I was too fulled after lunch at Aunty Betty’s house. My mum made cokodok too. Many people don't know what's that. It's a banana ball la.

You know.. I haven’t finished arranging my stuffs yet. Too many things and rubbish la. Today will be the last day to settle everything.

I can’t wait to fully concentrate on my FYP..

October is a FYP month.

thumbs up to my Bro

I am really really proud of my brother la.

While today i help my mum to make steamboat, my brother who has graduated from a culinary art school and now working in the kitchen of Eastin Hotel, is making some kind of special dumpling.

I don't know what exactly it is but it's like glutinious rice ball or tang yuan.

The normal tang yuan don't have fillings but now my bro put some ingredients in the glutinious rice ball.

I saw crushed peanuts, shredded chocolate and cheese.

it looks delicious ok!

my brother is good in what he's doing lah.

what impresses me is his question to my mum.

he asks my mum to sit down and learn how to make this special food from him.

hahah! wow!

but my mum says since he's pro already, he should cook for the family.

my nosy and curious sister is helping and learning from my brother now. =p

by the way, home-made steamboat is yummy! =p

time is getting less with family

holidays are gona ends soon, very soon.

3 weeks passed so fast.

I have another week to go before I go back to my uni. I supposed to have 4 weeks holidays until new semester starts on 17^th but due to some commitments in university I have to be back 1 week earlier.

I already start to miss my state and my family especially my sister.

I still have many things haven's done and settled in Penang.

And guess what I’ll start working tomorrow, means no much time left for me to spend with my sister as her school going to reopen next Monday.

I don’t want her to always stay alone at home. She dislikes it. I hate it too. But what can I do. What can we do. Everyone needs to work to make ends meet.

So I plan to bring her for bowling now as I promised but my brother didn’t want to come. Aih.. why.. he has been very negative and not loving for the past few years.

I know he has trauma. I know he’s not happy. So do i. after all these bad growing up experiences with abusing environment, we know who’s lucky and who’s not. We used to feel that there’s not love in the family. And all the past has made him into what he is today. For me, I stay positive, I know I don’t have to shaped by the environment and the culture, I chose my own path and decide on my own. But it’s tough tough.

I believe one day my brother will open up his heart and care for the family.

as for now, when im still in Penang, i'll try to spend more time with my sister and my family.

Me and my brother didn't talk much as usual. But this will be my resolution for next year, to have a better relationship with him.

Happening 10/10/10

Waaa happening Sunday in my beloved home.

And guess what, it’s 10/10/10 today.

What a nice number. My birthday is just 9 days away. =p

My schedule is packed the whole day.

8.30 pm Brother’s graduation at Youth Park.

9.30 pm Lee Li Kar and Annie’s engagement at Penang Chinese Town Hall.

12 pm Hizwan and Munirah wedding reception at Setia Pearl Island Grand Ballroom.

4 pm Jamuan Hari Raya Pemuda 1 Malaysia with Prime Minister at Kg. Naran, Batu Maung.

6 pm Photography competition at Queensbay Mall.

7 pm Carnarvon Street Tow Boo Kong 168^th Anniversary’s Procession

Today is gona be a tiring but good day. A day that will be remembered.

I'm gona snap snap snap. snap until i drop. haha.

Alrite got to go. See ya. I’ll only be home at midnight.

i miss home..

its raining out there..

i duno why the whole Westlake is so quiet tonight. yea i know it's raining, but i feel the whole world is so quiet..

i can sense the loneliness in me..

i need to do something..

i just got back from the closing ceremony of Business Week in UTAR. i was invited. and of course i help my friend to take pictures for her society.

some people critisize, how in the world this chairman gona be a chairman cuz he only knows how to take pictures. haha. negative negative comment. it's ok. im gona prove it to them those who take pictures also can be a chairman. =p

mood like gila babi this week. im stress i guess.. stress with assignments, SRC etc. I miss home.. i haven't gone back home yet ever since the new semester started. i miss my family so so much. i wana see them.. i miss my mum's scoldings.. i miss her food. i miss them.. i miss them so much. so much.. i need a good rest seriously. i need to recharge myself from Penang. i need to get away from UTAR for a while, 2days are enough. =p

anyway.. thanks to my friends in Kampar. thank you. thank you. that's the only word i can say to show my gratitude to u guys. u guys have been always there for me. you guys helped me a lot!! i mean.. if without you people, i can't be who i am today. thanks a lot. thanks for being part of my life, be there even when i don't need you people. =p i love u all ok.. i really do. i'll try not to make mistakes that can be avoided lo.. ok ah.. im sorry tau. thanks for being a friend since Year 1 Sem 1 till this moment.

n i think im emo because of my teeth. i talk less since last Monday. i bukannya bertaubat la ok. i CANNOT talk! my teeth is so damn painful. can't talk can't eat. WISDOM TEETH ka? i duno la man.. aih.. why must we have wisdom teeth la. this is teh time i need to talk a lot you know.. Don't tell me have wisdom teeth already ill have high wisdom and be matured.. can meh?

raining.. hmmm.. the sky also sad ah. or People up there also sad that's what u cry? chill la..

it's still so quiet out there. i can listen to the rain drops, the wind and even my heart beats..

tonight without parents

What if one day both of our parents are not with us anymore? what you gona do? What am I going to do? Im still young. Im still studying n not in Penang. Who’s gona take care of my brother and my little sister?

I’ve always taken my parents for granted. I didn’t do enough for my family yet. My parents have been very tiring and struggling all this while in making sure we got enough food to eat, clothes to wear, leisure, basic needs and education.

I haven’t repay them. I need to. I want to.

An old lady told me seomthing today. She reminds me to always be nice to our parents. Appreciate them. respect them.

It’s true you know. No matter how rich you are, how smart u are or how loving you are to your friends and partner, parents are still the most loyal, most loving, most caring, closest and the persons that sacrificed the most in our life from the moment we are created. When the whole world turns down on you, parents are always there. no matter how hard our life is, they never complain, never neglect us, not a second.

Why im so sentimental tonight??

Cuz both my parents not at home tonight. Both of them are away. Away at different places for different reasons. And Im taking care of my sister for tonight and tomorrow. I just put her into sleep. Oni 3 of us, my brother, my sister n me at home tonight.

I feel kind of lonely tonight without my mum’s nagging and without my dad’s snoring.

Human nature huh? When we have something, we tend to less appreciate it. We tend to less think of the importance of it. But now when something is not there, we feel the lost. We feel the emptiness.

Im bad, im sucks in relationships. I don’t know how to express my love in the correct way. Sometimes I just hide my feelings. Im a failure. Im sucks in love. I’ve failed to show my love to my mum, to my dad.

I want them to know I love them. I really do. They are the best parents in the world. They are the best. Im sorry for being a naughty and not-so-obident son.