jobless depression

It has been so long since i wrote about myself, about me and not other things that i'm interested in. WHy care what others think of you? Just be true of yourself. Express what you feel. You can cheat the whole world but you can't lie to yourself.

I don't know why today so dull..

It's like so quiet..

And i feel lonely..

I just feel uneasy, so directionless.

i guess it's because of my job.

It's either i'm being stupid, stubborn or persistent because i only apply for one job.

I gave myself time until end of February before i start working.

Unfortunately i am still jobless. And till now i am still waiting for their answer. I've gone through all the process. They shortlisted me. Then asked me go for medical check up at their panel clinic last week. The blood test takes so long one meh..

It's either there's something wrong with my health or i don't get the job. I will go crazy if in these few days before February ends, they tell me i don't get the job.

Then i will have to apply for new jobs all over again. Lepas tu nak tunggu dipanggil interview, nak tunggu results bla bla bla. Bila baru boleh start kerja ni??

Anyone free to talk to me? ahaha.. Close friends in Penang all busy. Everytime ask them out for teh tarik, it's either they are working or they are lazy. But in the weekends, they can go out in a geng. zzz.. When u are away for 3 years, things change. No one's fault. It happened naturally. People always look for friends with similar interest to stick together. I'm into politics. I don't play games. I love history. I'm into human rights n activism. In short, i am just weird, not into any group.

It's not a problem, i feel good doing things alone. But you still need friends. I am happy to have them around. They are there when i need help and they know me well. But what's the point i only see them when i need help. As if i only look for them when i am in trouble.

Aih.. mum keeps nagging. Some people pula simply accuse this n that... oh what a night!

For once, i feel so useless. I feel so helpless.

Any magazine house, publishing company, newspaper agencies or event company want to hire a photographer? =p

PENANTIAN ITU SATU PENYEKSAAN

happy new year 2012

Happy New Year to all!

Selamat Tahun Baru. 

Xin Nien Kuai Le! =p

Today is Sunday, it's also a public holiday. So everyone can just relax at home and spend time with friends and family. The good thing that a public holiday falls on a Sunday is the day after which is Monday, it will be a holiday too. So, tomorrow will be another public holiday. haha.

My mum says today is a good day for spring cleaning and i have to wake up now. hmmmm.. But this means Chinese New Year is less than a month from now. wohooo! =p

quote of the day

Laughter is not the best medicine. The best medicine is got to hear your mum's voice. =p

pesan mama

Mama gua selalu pesan jangan buat jahat kat orang. Dia kata hari ni kalau u buat jahat kat orang, nanti hari esok orang akan buat jahat kat u pula. 

TAKUT TAK?!!

final stay in Kampar

I’m back in Kampar again yesterday. This will be the last time I come back to Kampar for a new semester. Hopefully I can graduate by the end of this year, as it is supposed to be.

Class starts next Monday but surprisingly I’m a week earlier. What to do.. I must finish my Final Yeap Project (FYP). If not, no graduation. Besides, there are things to settle in Kampar.

My mum forced me to take pocket money from her before I left the house. I declined. I’ve been doing that for a year at least. My younger brother and my sister need the money more than me. My brother is already working and giving money to my parents but I take money from my parents? This is so wrong.

It’s ok. I can still survive with PTPTN loan. But I must be very careful with what I spend. I left with only few thousands ringgit till the end of the year. New semester always comes with bigger expenses. Money have to be used on room rental, school fees, groceries, books and notes as well as to fix the broken things such as bike and bicycle.

My brother fetched me to the jetty. Then I took morning bus which I nearly missed and reached Kampar in the afternoon. The house was in a mess as if it was abandoned for months. A war taken place in the house I guess.

It’s nice to be back. The whether was superb. It has been two days that the sky is so blue. The clouds are so thick and white. It’s so windy and at night, it’s chilling. It’s sunny but not hot at all. The weather makes me so cheerful!

My roommate, Ah Liang is back too. So nice to see him.

Anyway, once I reached Kampar, I was invited for lunch at Aunty Betty’s house. I rejected at first but after that she called. Out of respect, I went. She made very nice chicken rice. Seriously nice! Tze Huey, Cynthia and Edmund were there too.

Then it’s the housekeeping time, as usual.

Let’s see what I’ve done..

I had good food and nice bath.

Sweep and mop my room and the hall.

Unload stuffs from my luggage and begpack.

Fix my bike.

Put on bed sheet.

Clean the sinky.

Boil water.

Fold clothes.

Put on facial mask.

Arrange things in the drawer and cupboard.

I had a wonderful dinner last night with Tze Huey. My mum woke up at 6am in the morning yesterday to cook for me. She made me fish curry, omelette with onion and ikan bilis, sausages, and nuggets. I tapao back to Kampar and supposed to eat it for lunch but I was too fulled after lunch at Aunty Betty’s house. My mum made cokodok too. Many people don't know what's that. It's a banana ball la.

You know.. I haven’t finished arranging my stuffs yet. Too many things and rubbish la. Today will be the last day to settle everything.

I can’t wait to fully concentrate on my FYP..

October is a FYP month.

reminder from mum

Here i am, back in the city of KL again.

I reached home at about 11.45pm.

Then i called my mum and tell her that i've arrived.

She asked me to quick quick go sleep.

She said sleep early then can wake up early.

Don't late to work. She knows i always late. lalalaa.

tidur awal bangun awal.

eleh.. if i tidur awal and off tomorrow, i will sure tidur mati and won't bangun awal.

opppsss!

I have running nose again. Must be from the dust because i swept the floor just now. And must be because i'm tired. My begpack is so heavy as if there's some kid in there.

Suddenly so sleepy. Assignment at 9am tomorrow. Must wake up at 7.30am on Sunday.

.......

okla gnite!

A Song to Mama - Boyz 2 Man

This is one of the very few favorite songs dedicated to the mother which i love.




Happy Mother's Day again. Live from Penang. =p

Happy Mother's Day

It’s Mother’s Day today (8^th May). I know no point I wish my mum’s a Happy Mother’s Day here. As if she can hear or read this. She’s computer illiterate and she can’t read English. This post is just to say that today is Mother’s Day. And I just wana express my love to mum. I love her no matter what I do and no matter where I am till the day I die.

This is what I posted in Facebook a while ago.

“I know it’s mother’s day today. But what the heck la you make a wish here? As if your mum got Facebook and Twitter. If you are that loving, go to your mum, wish Happy Mother’s Day to her face, give her a big warm hug and kiss her cheek. How’s that?? Dare or not?? I wonder if no social networks, where and how you gona tell the world and your mum that you love her…”

I really don’t understand why people wish their mother in Facebook lo. Can’t you just use the time and energy to SMS them? Or call them? Okla for those mums that have Facebook then okla. And if no money to call back, okla use Internet la.

But the funny thing is they even wish other people’s mum.

HALOOOOO! Other people’s mother also your mother ah? Mother eh you!

Please let me use a phrase from Mr Patrick Teoh, “niamah!”

At least, pray quietly in your heart wishing her a good health n happy life. Oh yeah, I’ve been doing that. See, easy and free.

Instead of keeping photos of yourself, or your friends’ photos or your lover’s photos in your wallet or purse, why don’t you keep a photo of your family? Will you be here without them? I’m not condemning la ok, but just think about what I said.

You see, I’ve been observing a trend or a behavior of human. You see when they say or ‘I pray that’ something something, do they really make a wish and pray?

NO!

Their wish and prayers never work. Saying and telling that they will wish you are just merely words to show support but it’s not really a truthful support.

Whenever you say to someone you pray that they will be good in something, make sure you really do it through your heart and not your mouth. If you are a believer, make the prayer through your religion.

Sorry la I just cannot accept people say they pray that bla bla bla but it’s just another kind of flowerish words.

People nowadays really macam-macam pun ada.

Very funny lah!

*Anyway, everyone in my house is packing up tonight cuz we are going back tomorrow. Woah have you seen a Packing Marathon before?? =p

*And mum, i'm going back later, so see you!

I love you, Ammi!

When was the last time I post a song?

I don’t remember.

But this song left my tears flowing..

I am not a mummy’s son. You know, that kind of boy who always glued to his mum. I seldom open up my heart to her. But she, gives me courage, showers me with unlimited love and raised me up to who I am today.

I thank her for that.

I never ever say to her face that I love her.

I don’t have the courage.

But, yes I do, I do love you, Ammi.

MmmmuaksS!

3 weeks in Penang

wooohoooo!

finally i am home. i reached Penang on Wednesday morning. and i lost my handphone. i left it in the ferry.

this is the first time the exam for Journalism course finished earlier than other courses. most of the time, our paper is the last one.

last paper was on 18th. then i went to Kuantan from 19th to 21st. i had an enjoyable time with you Sotong, Dai Ka Jie, Jing Wen, Xiang Lin, Yat Kuan, and Siew King. Thanks for the great hospitality Yat Kuan.

i met up with Feli yesterday. it feels great to catch up with her again. she bought me a tie as a Christmas gift. lalalalala. and she made me walked in George Town and hopped into public bus instead of travelling with my scooter. it's nice to slow down and feel the life of Penang.

then i helped Sheau Fung from PHT to shift exhibition stuffs in the new Museum at Macalister Road. Everytime i come back to Penang, i sure look for her and help out whenever i can. she taught me a lot of things.

you know..  i just helped my mum to wash the dishes.

im glad i did.

this is the first time i helped her to wash the dishes eventhough she didn't ask me to do so.

i feel.. i duno. i should do something for this family, to ease her burden.

this semester break is the only time i have to be with my family and i'll make use of the time i have.

i'm going out now but my mum ask me to eat. hmmm.. but she has not finish cooking la and i am rushing. this is the situation i dislike the most. i know she wants us to eat. every mum in the world work so hard in the kitchen to prepare a meal for her family hoping that they will eat, stay healthy and not hungry when they are out of the house. i know she feels disappointed everytime i didn't eat.

well, i'll stay to have my lunch and be late for my date lah. =p

this semester break is quite long, a total of 4 weeks. but i only have 3 weeks cause i have to be back to uni for the new students Orientation. yeala that's my duty as SRC Chairman ma. 3 weeks is damn short la.. most of the time, i dun really care of holidays. but this time..

I WANT ONE MONTH OF SEMESTER BREAK!!

reporting from Penang

hheehhe~ ooppps! i am on the island!!

I AM HOME!!

n this is so much fun! =p

I must first thank Kelvin @ Calvin for letting me follow his car back to Penang. i was busy so he waited for me before can bid gooodbye to Kampar. I took a nap in the car and whooop, when i opened my eyes, we were already at Queensbay in less than 2 hours. that was crazy!

he dropped me at Greenlane McD and my mum came to pick me up.

guess what she said when she saw me. 

"AYOO Y U SO SKINNY?? U NVR EAT AH?? GOT DISEASE IS IT?? WORSE DEN A DRUG ADDICT LA!"

er.. ok.. i know.. haih..

reached home about at 2pm something.

Ahhh.. mum's food is the best! i had rice for two person, lala, vegetable, cucur udang and shark's soup. woooo.. sounds yummy!

im pampering myself with food, food and FOOD! im gona have ice cream, mooncake, snacks, nutritional food, hotdog, egg and whatsoever in the kitchen!

wahahahah! 

anyway im planning to work this semester break. in fact i am already looking for job. i think this is the first time im gona work for my sem break. hmmm.. well i need MONEY. =p

anyone wana employ me??

where's my parcel???

Mr. Postman ah??

lu mana? mana lu ah?? where are you?!

i have been waiting for you the whole day you know...

faster la..

u coming or not??

why always like that one??

grrrhhh!

my mum sent me a parcel yesterday from Penang using Pos Laju and it supposed to reached by today. but now almost 5pm d itu batang hidung posmen pun tak nampak.

waiting n waiting n waiting for an important and urgent parcel from our beloved Pos Laju from Penang.

zzz...

aduih amma, Kampar only la not Kampuchea.

Duno how to come is it? y

why everytime also delay few days 1?

SESAT ah??

faster sikit ok Posman.

i love you, you know.

i miss home..

its raining out there..

i duno why the whole Westlake is so quiet tonight. yea i know it's raining, but i feel the whole world is so quiet..

i can sense the loneliness in me..

i need to do something..

i just got back from the closing ceremony of Business Week in UTAR. i was invited. and of course i help my friend to take pictures for her society.

some people critisize, how in the world this chairman gona be a chairman cuz he only knows how to take pictures. haha. negative negative comment. it's ok. im gona prove it to them those who take pictures also can be a chairman. =p

mood like gila babi this week. im stress i guess.. stress with assignments, SRC etc. I miss home.. i haven't gone back home yet ever since the new semester started. i miss my family so so much. i wana see them.. i miss my mum's scoldings.. i miss her food. i miss them.. i miss them so much. so much.. i need a good rest seriously. i need to recharge myself from Penang. i need to get away from UTAR for a while, 2days are enough. =p

anyway.. thanks to my friends in Kampar. thank you. thank you. that's the only word i can say to show my gratitude to u guys. u guys have been always there for me. you guys helped me a lot!! i mean.. if without you people, i can't be who i am today. thanks a lot. thanks for being part of my life, be there even when i don't need you people. =p i love u all ok.. i really do. i'll try not to make mistakes that can be avoided lo.. ok ah.. im sorry tau. thanks for being a friend since Year 1 Sem 1 till this moment.

n i think im emo because of my teeth. i talk less since last Monday. i bukannya bertaubat la ok. i CANNOT talk! my teeth is so damn painful. can't talk can't eat. WISDOM TEETH ka? i duno la man.. aih.. why must we have wisdom teeth la. this is teh time i need to talk a lot you know.. Don't tell me have wisdom teeth already ill have high wisdom and be matured.. can meh?

raining.. hmmm.. the sky also sad ah. or People up there also sad that's what u cry? chill la..

it's still so quiet out there. i can listen to the rain drops, the wind and even my heart beats..

tiring but exciting

Good morning!

It feels so nice to wake up on Sunday, a day without class but weather in Kampar is killing everyone. I woke up then I was like ok fine, just stay awake la.

And now, im blogging. I have to abandon this blog for a while. =p

This week has been such a tiring and yet exciting one.

I woke up because my mum called me. I feel so happy to get her call. So long never talk to her. I feel better and stronger in whatever im going to do after listening to her voice. I miss home. When everyone balik kampung for father’s day, I’m stuck here in Kampar for campus election.

My mum called to tell me that my scene in a tv drama Age of Glory 2 in NTV7 will be aired tomorrow. it means I can c myself on TV tomorrow. haha. it’s a scene where I destroy a stall because im a triad member. =p

By the way tomorrow is the first day of campaining for campus election. Next week will be the last week of busy week. Then im free. Then I can put aside politics for a while until they announce the results. Then I can fully concentrate on my assignments and studies. =p

Yesterday me and my friends and helpers of Empower went to uni to past and stick our campaign materials. we started at 4.30pm n OT until 8pm. woah.. sticking n pasting are not an easy task.

Thanks for everyone who came n help out. Thanks. A big thanks from me n Empower.

Now I really feel how the politicians feel when they are in election.

Now I know what kind of questions the reporters will ask and how to answer them.

Now I know how bad is the system.

Now I know we can still make a change.

don't lock and shit

u noe..

when you shit, of course you must lock the toilet's door but not the master bedroom's door.

my sister was having his lunch.

suddenly she had stomachache.

so she went to shit before she finish her meal.

she used the master bedroom's toilet and she locked the room.

suddenly my mum's phone rang n the phone is in the room.

haha.

mum mum was banging the door.

forced my sister to open up the door.

but my sister was shitting half way.

hahaha. this is hilarious.

i don't know how my sister going to open the door while shitting.

at the end my mum got her handphone.

i think my sister opened teh room's door quickly and rushed back to the jamban before my mum went into the room to get her handphone.

hahaha. so people.

don't lock the master bedroom because you migth have to pause your shiting and that is not satisfactory moment of shitting,

tonight without parents

What if one day both of our parents are not with us anymore? what you gona do? What am I going to do? Im still young. Im still studying n not in Penang. Who’s gona take care of my brother and my little sister?

I’ve always taken my parents for granted. I didn’t do enough for my family yet. My parents have been very tiring and struggling all this while in making sure we got enough food to eat, clothes to wear, leisure, basic needs and education.

I haven’t repay them. I need to. I want to.

An old lady told me seomthing today. She reminds me to always be nice to our parents. Appreciate them. respect them.

It’s true you know. No matter how rich you are, how smart u are or how loving you are to your friends and partner, parents are still the most loyal, most loving, most caring, closest and the persons that sacrificed the most in our life from the moment we are created. When the whole world turns down on you, parents are always there. no matter how hard our life is, they never complain, never neglect us, not a second.

Why im so sentimental tonight??

Cuz both my parents not at home tonight. Both of them are away. Away at different places for different reasons. And Im taking care of my sister for tonight and tomorrow. I just put her into sleep. Oni 3 of us, my brother, my sister n me at home tonight.

I feel kind of lonely tonight without my mum’s nagging and without my dad’s snoring.

Human nature huh? When we have something, we tend to less appreciate it. We tend to less think of the importance of it. But now when something is not there, we feel the lost. We feel the emptiness.

Im bad, im sucks in relationships. I don’t know how to express my love in the correct way. Sometimes I just hide my feelings. Im a failure. Im sucks in love. I’ve failed to show my love to my mum, to my dad.

I want them to know I love them. I really do. They are the best parents in the world. They are the best. Im sorry for being a naughty and not-so-obident son.

Hujan - Selamat Hari Ibu

SONG of the day

Pasang speaker kuat-kuat besar-besar. Well, it’s worth listening to this song. The music is kinda cheeky but cute. Meaningful lyrics. Simple and nice. The lyrics reflect on our own life and doings as a son, as a daughter. For those with mother this song is for your mum. Happy Mother’s Day. Hahaha siapa takda ibu? Kalau takda ibu mana kau ada kat sini??!

ok it's time to sleep. have to wake up at 7am. gnite. tata.

Dengarkan lah lagu
Laguku ini
Ikhlas dari hati... Hanyalah untuk mu

Akulah anak mu
Anak mu yang selalu
Memelukmu...
Menciummu...

[Chorus:]
Memang banyak dosa yang telah ku lakukan
Menyakiti dikau ku mohon maafkan

Selamat Hari Ibu...
Ku ucap kepada mu...
Walauku jauh disini
Ku harap kau terus menanti kepulanganku
Tuk menemani mu hingga ke akhir nanti
Aku janji...

Kau tak tahu ku sentiasa bersyukur
Punyai pari-pari iaitu kamu
Ku pastikan agar kau sentiasa bahgia
Ingin ku nyatakan engkau milik syurga

[Chorus:]
Memang banyak dosa yang telah ku lakukan
Menyakiti dikau ku mohon maafkan

Selamat Hari Ibu...
Ku ucap kepada mu...
Walauku jauh disini
Ku harap kau terus menanti kepulanganku
Tuk menemani mu hingga ke akhir nanti
Aku janji...

Selamat Hari Ibu...
Ku ucap kepada mu...
Walauku jauh disini
Ku harap kau terus menanti kepulanganku
Tuk menemani mu hingga ke akhir nanti
Aku janji...

Ibu, The Queen The Ratu

This week is the last week of studies in this semester. Next week will be the study week then final exam.

You know people, it's time to put a 'comma' to facebook, myspace, friendster, twitter, ekawan, blogspot, plurk, wordpress and whatsoever websites la.

Just put it on hold for a while. Or at least don't use it that often.

I just feel so bad for being so playful (as usual) this semester. Hey not so playful also la ok. I did my assignments, presenatations etc. N i had several achievements also ma.

I feel bad for not giving the best in me in studies. I am NOT stupid! i know that. Im just lazy.

Im kinda moody right now because i miss my mum. I miss her..

i just watched a video and listened to as song about mother and I'm emotionally affected by it.

Im so lucky to be here, staying in this house, studying in university while some of my peers don't even have the chance to study.

My mum wants me to succeed in life. I believe every mother's dream is to see their children be someone useful and someone successful.

It's so hard to swallow when i know my mum is working her ass off and im having my leisure time here.

ARRGGHHHH!

Ask yourself these questions.

"Whar have you contribute to your family and your parents?"
"Have you really tried  your best in everything you do?

The best woman in my life will always be my mum.

N now i promised myself to work harder for the final exam.

That's a promise.

And before my final, i wana at least clear the mess in my room and get all my notes done.

I PROMISE!

Nothing in this world is more valuable than the love from our parents.

Love them and show them your love before it's too late.

Im not a good son. I love them but i don't know how to show it. ='(

I wish i'll be a kid again, to manja with my mum, to get caning from her, to be fetched by her with bicycle.

I know no matter how old i'll be, i'll still be that little kid for her.

I miss her, i can;t wait to see her next week and go to Thailand for a vacation with her.

Ibu, engkalulah ratu hati ku.

photos of the thunderstorm (beautiful side)

hola people hola olang.

here is the second part of the thunderstorm photos, the beautiful side of it.

click n see la. if u like it, TQ so much. if it's not that nice, it's ok, tq, i'll improve my skill.

Okla that's all for today. Mood suddenly macam TAIK after i talk to my mum. grrrhh.

http://oce-thephotojournalist.blogspot.com/2010/04/kampar-thunderstorm-aftermath-beautiful.html

my funny Ammi

I call my mum Ammi.

What about you?